Why do guys have such an issue dating or marrying a woman who already has kids?

I mean she could have her shit together better than u and its still a no.

Honestly once u get to a certain age this should not be a issue its not like your going to get a virgin anymore.
Updates:
Also most women would be perfectly ok dating a guy who has a child
Ok for all the people who are saying they couldn't possibly love another persons child because they dont have their dna well what about couples who adopt children they are not biologically theirs but they still love them as such

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Single moms are very different from women without kids. They have a different perspective than women without kids. I've tried the single mom thing before, and it sucks.

    -We couldn't go on dates all the time, because the kids were around.

    -When we were together, we had to keep the PDA at a minimum because the kids were in the next room.

    -It was difficult to build with a single mom... because she already had everything and had a house already.

    -They expect a lot out of a guy... and you also realize that you will never be a priority.

    I'm 27, so I really want to date someone without kids. I am currently dating a girl who is my age and she doesn't have kids. We can have spontaneous sex. We can go out on fun dates and are not constraint by babysitters or time. We can travel to other countries on a whim. We can build together and eventually have a kid of our own and raise our kid together... AFTER we have done everything we wanted to do together as a couple.

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    • Thats understandable but at that age i dont know to many woman who dont have children

    • And that’s what sad!!! Lol. I started seeing single mothers when I was 22. More recently, my friend (who is female) just had a baby of her own and now she’s a single mom. She met up with a guy, and after dating for 3 months, she got pregnant by him... and then they got into an argument and now she’s a single mom. People (men and women) rush things these days. It’s important to build with your partner and get to know them before taking that step into parenthood.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Wanting a virgin and wanting someone who doesn’t have children are worlds apart, they aren’t even relatable to the argument here.

    Having children brings extra facets into a relationship many men don’t want to take on. The extra responsibility, the attachment issues if there is a break up, dealing with the children’s father if he’s still in the picture and then also why the woman is single herself. Of course not all relationships work out, but in reality there is a stigma/potential risk that she made a bad choice in who to have children with. Is it really worth the risk if there are other women that don’t come with those complications?

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What Guys Said 62

  • It's not a case of wanting to get a virgin. It's fair to say that most guys under thirty unlikely want to get with a woman who has children already for a couple of factors;

    1) They want children of their own creation. This isn't abusive or picky. It's indisputably biological to want to spread one's own genes. That's just how we've evolved. That's how life works as we've observed, for the vast part.

    2) They simply aren't ready to receive responsibility for kids.

    Like it or not, and however you try to pan it, if you bring a guy into your kids' lives, you are putting some responsibility for them onto him. You need to realise that's a lot to ask in a new relationship, especially given the former factor. There could be any number of lesser obstacles in the way, as well --all fair ones-- including a busy lifestyle, an ambitious lifestyle, distance, experience, et cetera.

    Whatever the case, in having kids, you are demanding so much more from a full relationship if that's what you want of him. Get used to that idea, because it's not about to change. It will almost always have very little to do with the guy's virginity preferences, if it does at all.

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    • Update 1:
      Moot point. Different genders.

      Update 2:
      As for what I said, the biological stuff that is, I was giving you an example of a potential factor. Adoption isn't all that common when you consider every couple in the world. The point of this subject is really just an 'each to their own' situation. The problem is that you have a problem with it. You have kids, so *generally* finding a guy suitable to your preference is going to be difficult. It's not guys' fault that you have kids. You shouldn't be pinning the negative spin on our entire gender just because you don't like your circumstance..

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    • Im not saying y'all are all in error at all i just dont understand why it is such an issue meaning u could miss out on an extremely good person in your life just because u are prejudice toward them having kids and u vere away from that person just because of one thing. Im my experience in the past the guy would say he was perfectly ok with it to begin with until his family or friends started coming down on him about it so he ended it and i dont need anyone i have a husband who was man enough to except my child as his and loves that child juat as much as he does the one we have together and would dare anyone to tell him thats not his child simple i just dont see the reason people judge him for being an actual man

    • It's so much less prejudice than you think. There will obviously be the odd few guys that are prejudice about it, but that isn't most guys, or --as you asked-- "guys" (implying in general). You are being sexist and therefore discriminatory on very isolated grounds.

      Accepting someone else's child as one's own doesn't define manhood. Saying that is just being demeaning. Sexist and demeaning. If the tables were turned and I was being demeaning your gender, I'd be getting hounded off this app'. Please do yourself a favour and grow up. Hard to stomach that you with such a mindset plan to influence your next generation.

      I like that you attempt this as though you've been victimised, but now you've morphed into a miserable misandrist. Really sad.

  • Depends. If the baby daddy is dead, no problem.

    But what if the father is still in the picture, what if he's an asshole? What if he's gonna be all up in your business over 'concern' for his kids? (And a bitterness that is ex has moved on.)

    I ain't got time for that drama.

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    • Not always the case but u care for the woman and say the child none of that other should matter

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    • Then that's fine. But how long does it take to get to that point? I love my SO. And her daughter, but I knew her long enough to know what sorta man her ex was, and how she was raising her kids.

      That's all information that ain't easy to come by initially.

    • Doesn't mean they are entitled to it either...

  • A woman with kids who isn't married is either stupid for getting pregnant without being married; stupid for divorcing her husband, or a reject (If she isn't good enough for some other guy, she sure isn't good enough for me).

    I might consider a widow with kids, but that has never come up.

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    • So if the guy is just an ass and leaves because he only cared about himself and cheating around then yeah its the womans fault right yeah right and u do know people get pregnant even while taking all the precautions

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    • Of course it is the woman's fault. If she were providing him everything he needed or wanted in the relationship, he wouldn't be going somewhere else to get what he is missing.

    • Or maybe he is just a dog that feels the need to fuck anything with a pussy because one just wasn't enough like all these men going around sleeping with random women until they end up getting several women pregnant and then oh shit its time for them to run but they be getting pissed off when the women go to the state and make them pay for their responsibility say they taking their money well let me tell u them women ain't getting even half of what that child needs nor diserves out of child support

  • men want their own damn kids. if i'm going to go to work and work my ass off to provide for any child, it better not be the child od the man who used to plow my (now) wife. hell no. let him take of them. i want my kids, with my last name, and my blood.

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    • U can love someone who is not your blood just as easy as u can someone who is

  • Because the responsibility is so much more on the man.. if he likes the woman.. he adds the responsibility of taking care of the kid... even though he is not emotionally or financially ready... and yes, most women still expect a man to provide for her!

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  • Why do women with kids expect men to bend over backwards for them? They made a decision to procreate, and decisions have consequences.

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  • Been there. Done that. I was a sucker. Raised (and paid for) three children from other men. One month after the youngest finished high school, my ex told me she wanted a divorce. Thirteen years of being the evil step Dad according to the bio-dads. Likely sacrificed the opportunity to ever have my own biological children. Plenty of bitterness and regrets. I now wish I had been one of those guys who didn't date women with children.

    Of course I know this isn't universal. But it does happen.

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    • That's something that would keep me from doing that or to give me second thoughts. I wish didn't happen to you.

  • Its quite responsibility with an instant family and there are thoughts about if she's using them as just a babysitter or provider after they had the guy she went with first without considering someone like him (think Daddy's Home)

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    • Not always like in my situation i had a child before i married my husband and i had my own house own car and a job paid all my bills myself sence the age of 16 and didn't need a man to provide anything for us my husband had a job but still living at home with his parents so why would i need his home and even to this day our money is separate

    • I didn't say it was an always. I said it was similar to what they may think at first.

  • Seriously? You made such poor choices you have damaged your kid for life by being unable to provide a stable home environment

    And you want another guy to indulge your stupidity?

    Grow the fuck up and practise what you preach!

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    • Ok for one why so hostile and secondly i already had all my endeavors in order and its not the womans fault if she was in a long term relationship and the father of the child splits when he finds out she is pregnant the problem is all the blame is always put on the mother

    • That's exactly the attitude I'm talking about! If you don't have The Talk and plan this shit out then don't fucking take risks and get pregnant. A man doesn't "skip out when he finds you're pregnant", you picked the wrong fucking guy and mishandled your relationship!

    • Legitimately, the amount of women who just *assume* a man wants kids because he's in a long term relationship. That's not right, that's your screw up. You can't have feminism and "empowerment", yet neglect your fucking duties where family planning is involved. That's what it means to have Rights - there are always duties involved too

  • I dated and married a lady with a child. We just celebrated our 23rd anniversary.

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  • I've done this twice and can honestly say it adds an extra later of baggage to deal with. Sure i have it a shot but as an example she was depressed after her kid left for college and ultimately didn't recover from it 6 months later when we ended our relationship.

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  • Unless her husband died by an accident or something I would view a woman with kids as someone's sloppy seconds.

    That might sound harsh, but it's how I honestly feel.

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    • So if a guy gets married then divorce his wife and they have a kid every woman you a with well your sloppy seconds to them

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    • Ok but does it not apply the same for a man to be sloppy seconds with your logic

    • Well I'm not a woman or gay so it's hard to say.

      However I would imagine the same would apply.

      If I was a woman I wouldn't want to date a single father. But that's just me I'm not sure about anyone else.

  • There are no benifits for men to get married to a women with kids. The ex, kids dont like you, etc etc

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    • Depends on the age of kid or kids and if they even know their real father or not

  • This is pretty straightforward, a guy who doesn't have a kid, is scared of getting involved with someone who does. When you are pregnant together, you both go through the same things (relatively), scared, joy, nervous, uncertainty. When one partner has already gone through it, the other will feel left behind. Also complications with raising another guy's child can also be difficult to cope with for some guys.

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  • I'd gladly marry a women with kids providing she's willing to try and have one of our own. I don't mind raising another person's kid but I also wanna raise my own.

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    • Thats what happened in my situation but my husband actually didn't mind not having his own but it happened anyway although he doesn't want anymore now he said two was enough

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    • Thats a very noble thing i wished we could adopt but my husband doesn't want to mainly because of financial strain

    • Noble but only time will truly tell what happens.

  • That's a huge responsibility to date/marry someone with kids. You're not just dating the person. You're also gonna be a parent and role model to the kid (s)

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  • I have three kids and they are the most important thing in the world to me.

    They are also a -really big deal- that radically change my lifestyle. I’d fully understand people without kids not wanting to date someone with kids. If anything I’d guess single people underestimate how impactful it is.

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  • Unless she had a well-paying, professional job, or had an ex who did and was paying on his obligations, I would suspect she just wanted someone to bankroll her.

    And if I'm going to be a sugar daddy I'll find an 18 year old college girl with no strings attached.

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  • I can't quite put my head around the notion that a lot of men seem to have that the only thing in life is get a piece of ass and leave. I was raised in true Southern fashion, if I'm taking up with a woman who has children then I have to be man enough to accept responsibility for the entire package, woman and child (ren). I believe that a ready made family in some cases is the best thing for both parties. Just sayin.

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  • “She can have her shit together better than you...” a single mom having her shit together better than me? Lol please

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    42

What Girls Said 8

  • Not just a guy thing. I would never date a guy that already had kids too much stress, and i would kinda want him to focus on me and not be distracted by his kids all the time (selfish i know), plus i want to start a family fresh.

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  • Honestly, I have children and I won't date men with children. I understand the whole baby mama or baby daddy drama. It can be terrible. That's is the reason why I steer away. Besides women are nasty vicious creatures 😂 men are more lax.
    I am well grounded, self sufficient, and don't need a man to hold my household down. Highly independent. So in other words, like you, I have my shit together.
    I think every person has a right to choose if they want or don't want to get involved with someone who has children. You have to see it in a larger, different perspective. Children are not an easy responsibility to take on. Nor it is easy to jump in & play a role in their life that is meaningful unless you're 100% in, and if you're not, it simply isn't fair to the children.
    I'm sure you will find someone. My boyfriend is amazing, and sometimes I wonder that myself. I've concluded he's crazy to want to take part in this nonsense 😂

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  • I wouldn’t date a guy who had a child. If the kid’s mom is still alive, there will always be a chance that he will choose her over you if the opportunity comes up. I just don’t want to risk that happening. If the kid’s mom is dead and that’s the reason he’s a single dad, I still wouldn’t date him. It’s not because there’s anything wrong with him; it’s just that most likely he will want to introduce me to his kid one day an expect me to be the “new mom” if things work out between us. I don’t think I could properly raise a child who isn’t mine. So again, there’s nothing wrong with the guy; it’s just that I personally wouldn’t want to be in that situation.

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  • I think it would be a good filter, only douchebags hate kids

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    • it NOT AT ALL about hating kids. read the men's replies, okay?

    • @QuintenVen I did, makes me wish I had a kid to filter out douchebags.

    • fine. whatever. just know that men that want their òwn families aren't always douchebags. men have the right to follow their dreams as much as you do.

  • I get why, because I would never date or marry a guy who has kids already either.

    1. I want my first child, childbirth and all of that to be my mans first child too. I don't want him to have experienced that with someone else already.

    2. I want a real nuclear family. That means me, my husband and our kids. I don't want kids he had from before involved and I do not want to be a stepmother.

    3. I don't want his ex in our life whatsoever.

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  • I'm surprised many guys are okay with dating women with children, sometimes 2 and 3.
    Dating someone who is divorced and on top of that also has kids isn't my idea of a perfect match, but again, I do see many people dating them.

    On another note, I find the argument "it's not like you can expect to find a virgin in that age" kind of judgmental to say the least, not to mention it kind of suggests people should just conform to other people's choices in life and lower their standards.

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    • No one said they couldn't possible love the child of another man, those are your own words.

      It seems you're taking this too personally when in fact, if you find yourself in such situation, you shouldn't feel entitled to anything and should understand that children are a big responsibility. YOUR responsibility.

      People are free to date whomever they want.
      It's called preference. Women with children from a previous relationship/ marriage are obviously not a preference for most men.
      Actually even just a person with no kids who has been in a long relationship is already very different from someone who wasn't. I say this in the case you start blaming the poor kids on your lack of luck in finding a new relationship.

  • I wouldn't date a man or woman with a child. It is someone else's save file..

    Sorry but If I a going t play, I want a new clean one. Thanks.

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  • She's all used up and why would you want to take care of someone else's mistake

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    • Sense when are children a mistake they are a gift from god no matter the details of how they where made

    • First off *since and second off it's a mistake if the father isn't present and the child is born into a broken home, just my opinion. You may believe that children are a "gift", but that doesn't mean your opinion is the only opinion or the correct opinion.

    • Well everyone is entitled to their opinion but to me if the father made the choice not to stay in that childs life then he was the mistake not the child

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