22 female, I hardly get second dates with guys I like- any advice?

I'm 22 years old and I've recently started dating again and it seems like I'm doing something wrong because I hardly get second dates with guys I like.

Background about me - I started dating quite late (when I was 20) and have only had one boyfriend before. After breaking up with him for good, I started using online dating to go out and meet more people. I'd say since January I've been on at least 7 or 8 dates, I've only really liked 2 a lot.

I dont think I'm bad looking. I'm not overweight either and don't look that different from my pictures. In fact I've been told by guys I've been on dates with that they think I'm attractive and a lot tend to want to get physical or kiss too. I don't have a lack of matches on the apps I use either. I can get a date very easily.

I have been asked out on a couple of second dates but I have not liked those guys that much. With guys I do like, it always seems to go in this way: We have a nice date, they make promises and comments about meeting up again. We text to say we had a really good time, then I either get ghosted or they start phasing me out.

Whenever I talk about this with friends and family they insist that its because I haven't met the right guy but I'm starting to think that I'm doing something wrong. I do get nervous around guys I like. I also don't like to kiss or do anything else that's physical on a first date. Other girls my age seem to find it really easy to find someone.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are not the only one. This happens a LOT, more so in recent years. I have some theories on this.

    1. You didn't put out on the first date and they think they'll have a better chance to get laid with another girl. Our generation is all about instant gratification...

    2. Too many options. With online dating especially, people get the illusion that they can be very selective. If someone doesn't check ALL of the boxes, there's millions of other people right at their finger tips, so they get scared if they "settle" for someone who isn't perfect they'll miss out on meeting the perfect woman.

    3. It's human nature to try and get the biggest payout for the least amount of effort, and the longer you date someone before getting serious, the more effort you're expected to put in. It's much easier to have a coffee or bar first date, take her back to his place, and have sex with her than start going on nicer dates with someone who isn't even a sure thing and might reject them. It's not the best thing to do, but it's understandable.

    This is just something I've noticed that might be helpful, but I've found guys over 26 are generally over the overwhelmed "too many options" thing and have started to realize that if they spend all of their time waiting for perfection, they're going to be alone for a long time. There are definitely immature 26+ guys, and there are mature guys in their early twenties, but I think it's easier to find a guy who isn't afraid of commitment (even if that commitment is just a second date) if you stick with guys who are a little bit older. Also, online dating SOUNDS like a good idea, but you're more likely to meet guys with "too many options" syndrome on a dating app than at the gym, a grocery store, bar/club, or a coffee shop. Best way to meet someone is to start doing things that are interesting to you regardless that puts you in social settings. It doesn't even have to be all that much. I've met more quality people just by doing homework at a local coffee shop and becoming a regular there than I ever did online. Also, guys talk to me at the gym quite a bit if I forget my headphones that day. If you don't mind guys talking to you at the gym, you could always just leave your headphones at home lol

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    • You are soo right! A guy I liked recently tried to kiss me on the first date and I felt a little uncomfortable cause it was the first time we had met. I told him that I would want to see him again but he ghosted me a couple of days after that.

      I've also found a lot of older guys interested in me who want to take things slow and want an actual relationship but I've only met guys in their 30s and I find it a little uncomfortable to date someone with such a huge age gap.

      It sucks that most of my interests are quite feminine so I always end up meeting lots of girls outside of my circle but never any guys!

      But its also weird how some of my friends in really committed relationships met their partners on tinder. I dont know how they did it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Dunno know you personally but big part is those said guys has there own desires. What ever it may be, its something there looking for or to do abd they can't make up their mind.

    Another thing is that guys has preference who they see as relationship material, not saying you dont fit the bill. Its their preference.

    Im not there to see how it go down, so i can pinpoint whos at fault. So i say dont give up and keep lookn. Also know this how it goes in the dating world. Same happenes to me too til i was just sick of it and just hung out instead of date.

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    • I feel like I'm getting sick of it now too. I feel so tired of going on dead-end first dates a part of me wants to give up.

    • Yeah, its like you know you did nothing wrong, but its about them metting you half way. But then they dont put in the effort and it happends to you multiple times, it like you gotta change up your formula. Meaning, you have to be the girl the specific guy want to be with. Which is unfair cause i can't be myself then there's no fun this so called relationship. Even if i adapt. I know my partner won't.
      So i just say fuck it all, ill get my money up, my career up, any gurl want ride on the train then hop on, im for no chasing.

    • That's exactly how I'm starting to feel. I show my interest but if somebody wants me to chase them, I'm done with that.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Well, you ARE getting second dates... you're just either not into those guys or you aren't giving them a chance. You could either be being too picky or the guys you like obviously have more options other than you - as you clearly do as well. The issue with online dating is you are rarely the only person someone is seeing.

    All you can do is keep trying and maybe go for second or third dates even if you're not 100 per cent sure on a guy. Just to see how it goes. I've never dated online so I'm totally guessing here.

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  • See some guys like a woman who's hard to obtain others prefer the easier route, a large portion of men who like the "challenge" are players though.

    Honestly don't decide you like them that fondly enough for a second date until you go on one with them and give the guys you don't like that much a second chance unless it's a complete no-go

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    • Okay that's sound advice. So far I've only been giving the guys I like second chances and they don't seem to take it so I think I need to change it up a little.

      I mean, I dont put out on the first date so I guess maybe the guys I've been meeting want the easier route and dump me if they can't get what they want.

    • To be honest xxlilly no man should ever expect you to "put out" on any date, let alone expect it ever. You do what you want when you're in the mood

  • When you don't want a second date with most the guys you go out with, don't be suprised that the guys you like don't want a second date from you. It seems to me that you want the good looking and charming guys all the girls want, so they have a lot of choice. So why would they chose you? You overvalue yourself, almost all girls get lots of matches on dating sites, guys generally play the numbers game.

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    • Hmm I dont necessarily think that way. But maybe I should evaluate the kinds of guys I'm going after.

    • If you think they are good looking and have an interesting personality, a lot of girls probably do, so you will be one of many options they have to chose from. Also if you don't even kiss on a first date, lots of guys will next you. I am not saying you should date a guy you aren't attracted to, that isn't fair on either of you, but you should be realistic with your options.

  • It's a lot easier for you to find someone who will want to simply have sex right away rather then someone who will wait for you

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    • I've found this to be very true! If I wanted to sleep with a guy I could probably find a guy right now

    • Exactly, but with men to women its essentially a quest to try to get someone to sleep with if they don't have a girlfriend.. I'm a very chilled guy in this sense, I don't try to have sex as my first goal.. My first goal is to determine if I like the person first, then begin a relationship, though if you can't imagine it I haven't had many relationships.

  • Pretty much luck of the draw to find someone who you like, with them liking you back to the same degree. Really not much you can do, be yourself, if you want to keep going on dates and trying to find the "special guy" - just don't be disappointed if it takes a while.

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  • I've always been in the opposite situation, I pretty much always have gotten a second date, with one or two exceptions that I was relieved about tbh. Im not one to put out on the first or second date.(like I have once but its rare). From my experience, first dates are like a performance. The more energy you out into it, and making the other person "feel" interesting, the more likely they are to open up to you and "feel a connection."

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  • It's because you're not being an easy lay, so you're rooting out all the guys who just want to use you for sex. It's a good thing, kiddo. Don't flex on your morals.

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  • I think you're dating guys that only want sex and you're also in a losing streak. So take a break from dating and get some fresh air. There is no way to guarantee yourself a guy with a serious mindset.

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  • People from apps can be a bit weird. I can't say your doing anything wrong, but also don't have much info. I personally prefer to get to know someone in person if I plan on dating, regardless of if I found them on an app (although I do get that it's a bit more risky for girls to do this).

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    • I usually try and meet up with guys straight away cause I prefer that too but I can't seem to get a second date

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    • It seems like to me that they don't want to get to know me any further which confuses me because they seem to speak about meeting up again first and say we should do this next time or do that but they never follow through.

    • Have you tried being forward with them and organising something yourself? If so I'm as lost as you are

  • You have never thought of that you begin to like men that aren't in to you and reject those that are in to you?
    (very common behavior amongst females)

    Have you ever looked at yourself if you begin to act in front of interesting guy's instead of being yourself (try to be someone you aren't to fitt in)?
    (also very common amongst females to do)

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    • I've had good reasons to reject those that were into me. For example- one guy was 30 and at 22 I felt a bit uncomfortable dating someone older than me. Some other guys I just didn't find attractive.

      I try to be myself. I'm starting to feel that being myself is what gets me rejected... haha

    • Not necessarily.
      It can be they aren't after the same thing as you like life goals.
      That they don't really are attracted to someone like you.
      It can also be a altitude thing or what ever you aren't aware of.
      Just like you don't feel attracted to those guys you rejected guy's also feel the same about you, everyone can't be attracted to us even if we wish it.

      Since I haven't been around you I can't really tell exactly what it is, many things must I read and feel IRL.

      (the age thing is relative, it only gives signals how far and direction someone has developed in that area as a individual, nothing more or less)

    • Maybe the guys you were into didn't find you attractive. Or found you boring. Maybe you need to expand your horizons.

  • They were in for the sex, and since you didn't have sex with them on the first date, they ghost you or leave you
    And that's good! You're pushing away the fuckboys who only love your body, not your personality, and will probably break ur heart
    Good guys are hard to find, and you'll have a hard time finding them on dating apps as most guys there r only looking for sex
    Try finding them in real life, or on long-term-relationship dating apps

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  • At least you get a first date... just find someone who wants you as much as you want them it takes time especially on an app

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  • You say they find it easy to find a guy but how many keep a guy I know that rate is super low most likely the two guys u liked found someone else they preferd remember everyone is dating everyone it's hard to stand out and people don't like staying around to see how special someone is with how much choice is out there

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    • A couple of friends have been with their partners for more than 2 years now. It seems like most of the people I meet at work/through friends are in long-term committed relationships.
      But I agree with what you say - I feel like a lot of the times it can be hard to show/tell someone everything about you on a first date and a lot of the guys dont want to wait to get to know me better.

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    • With my girlfriend I draw lucky 6s multiple times and beat fate

    • I'm glad its worked out for you though! I guess that's the way to go about it - to not care about others and live your own life

  • Maybe you haven't found the right guy
    Kidding
    Same exact thing happened to me.
    Online dating has made most people picky about going on a second date
    You should try giving the guys who want to take you on a second date a chance

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  • I think you are too young to have any stable relationship. Better concentrate on career for now and not your love life. Rest of the things will fall in place

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  • You are probably not physically presenting yourself well (dressing unattractive or unsexy) or you are socially very awkward. You need someone, either a male who is a friend, or a successful at dating female, to give you as many valuable tips as u can get

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  • Honey, it's probably guys your age. Most guys in their young 20s want to party and screw around so most guys think of having one night stands or a date and fuck. Now granted there are a few men who few and far in between that want more, but your best bet is to keep looking.

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  • Cuz you're dating guys that are only looking for sex or a hook up , also by u not kissing on the first date most guys would think u must not like them , so maybe kiss them on the first date that would make them come back for more

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  • Maybe the guys your dating are only trying to bed you and they are not interested with a relationship with anyone, you need a guy that wants a relationship

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  • either you underestimate yourself or you overestimate yourself.. few dates is nothing.. don't stress to much and try to change your approach or who you are looking for..

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  • If a gal gives off negative body language when I go for a hug or kiss, I won't ask her for a second date

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  • A lot of younger guys want hookups and conquests. By no means all, but you may be attracting this type. Or ones that are impatient. .

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  • Why don't you go to a good psychologist? Like, maybe you have some fears, or protection mechanisms. Sis, we just apps fools😊 So, get your butt out, and find a good professional, it will help you much better, believe.

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  • Look it's not your fault really. I agree with your friends and family you haven't found Mr Right Guy but you will definitely find him soon. I may be 18 but if you ever need advice come here and I'll help. Ok

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  • what do you usually do on first dates? Not really enough information to know if you did anything wrong or not.

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  • It's because you don't do anything physical on the first date. I know it for a fact. But nothing is wrong with that, you'll find a guy who can go at your pace don't worry.

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  • Online is a very poor substitute for venues in common where there's more to discuss and people both know to prime the conversation pump, less sexual expectations, fishing

    Have to agree with Right Guy and when he arrives, all this will turn 180d and be a memory of odd balls you survived

    Many 2nd dates are ONLY for sex

    Most ask for a 2nd date if the 1st was FUN, no matter where, looks, etc.

    if YOU really like a 1st date guy and find something in common, ask HIM to come with at the next "in common" event, of course

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  • Before the date just specify that you're serious about dating and dont want to have a fling

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  • Because mist guys are looking for a one night stand while men like me look. for a relastionship

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  • It's because they don't feel a connection with you.

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  • Keep doing it. Meeting loads of duds is totally normal. Work on your social skills.

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  • Show more interest, but don't seem needy... Just be yourself, if they don't call again then they aren't worth your time anyways

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  • Online dating is probably not your best option for second dates. Most people are just trying to have quick sex.

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  • What happens on the dates with the guys you like that make you nervous? What do you talk about etc? How do you act?

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    • I usually talk about things that come up in the conversation and try to make funny remarks or tease a little. Sometimes when I'm nervous I find it hard to talk a little and laugh a lot more than I would. If the guy I'm with feels comfortable then I'm usually okay but if the guy's nervous or a little awkward too, I dont know how to get rid of that tension.

      I usually dont like kissing on the first date. So a guy I liked reached in for a kiss but I kind of turned my cheek and told him that I didn't want to since we had just met.

    • Sounds like the normal date type of interaction. Maybe it is the lack of action and the guys were just looking to get laid. If you are using tinder, they probably expect sex. Sounds like you just need to keep trying dont stress over it.

  • Maybe they think you are too good to be true, and are unattainable. Sounds crazy, I know, but quite possible

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    • This would be the ideal reason haha but I doubt that is the case lol

  • Look at it this way... You are good enough for whoever else is out there waiting to meet you! And you will meet him one day!!! Your young 22 years old!!! Fuck me I would kill to be single 6 years ago... Hell I'm 28 still single. I just had a friend That's 33 get married!! Go have fun live life a little... guys these days especially at your age are just Lookin for some action they not trying to be commited in a relationship and the few that are real men and want to settle down and not have sex with every single girl they can 99% of females don't believe the real nice guys...

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  • Whatsapp me 7014846271 I will tell you the flaws as well as how guys think... Fuck rest of the shit

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  • There are two possibilities here.

    1. They are young guys looking for an easy lay, and you don't have that interest, and they pick up on that.

    2. What I suspect more is that you become so bedazzled by guys you are really attracted to, you seem desperate and needy. You show lack confidence, and it's a turnoff. The women (and men) who act like they're not overly interested, actually get more interest from the opposite sex. Because we all want what we can't have. I know this seems underhanded, but it's called "game", and part of courtship. There are tons of very good youtube videos on ways to have more confidence with the opposite sex, it will help you immensely. I can link a few channels if you want. :)

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  • Well it's tough to say since you can only give your side of the story. Where are you from? Maybe we can go on a date a see where that goes?

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  • It sounds like the only thing you're doing wrong is picking the wrong guys. The ones you're turning down are the ones who actually want a relationship

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  • Lol these men sound like chickens. They are chickening out.

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  • They might think you're not in to them. Not that you should feel pressured to, but if I could tell a girl didn't want to kiss me (even though it's just because it's the first date) I would probably think she wasn't interested.

    Have you tried being the instigator for a second date? It may be what they need to realize you like them. For me, if I'm unsure I will wait for her to make the second move, whether that's texting me regularly, during which I can ask her out again (or when I next see her or whatever), or for her to straight up make another date.

    Ultimately, don't be afraid to make the second move, and don't be afraid to show your feelings. If you hide your feelings, he may take it as them not being there at all.

    Good luck!

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    • I have.. in fact I texted him straight after the date to say thank you and that we should go get drinks next time! He agreed but since then he stopped texting me..

      The other guy I liked, I actually planned the second date but he had to go abroad because of work, so after that I left it and he didn’t really plan anything.

  • Wait do you not even hug the guy on a first date

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    • I do do that haha and I dont mind touching like hand holding either

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    • A kiss isn't sex
      See what I mean by anxiety?

      You shut down before the thing you fear is a remote possibility

      I recommend making out with someone just to prove you don't have to have sex with them

    • Okay you're right there...
      I have done that before lol

  • Same shit happens with me! #chill

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  • Hi how are you

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  • Let's meet and see where it goes

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  • You're either too easy or too stuck up.

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  • I don't understand they must b stupid

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  • Do you have sex on the first date

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    • no haha I don't like kissing either

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    • If you really want to let him know your into him rub on his cock as you kiss him. Or better yet give him a blowjob. You need to make a first move

    • I've had several first dates where the girl straight up asked me if she could suck me off

  • Your not over weight? Lol Weight has nothing to do with this. However I think it’s just not your time. It takes time to meet the right person you gotta kiss a lot of frog before meeting the right one. Just be patient and continue to date. Your guy will show up.

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