How to gently turn a guy down?

I went out with a guy last night who’s not from my area but was maybe going to move here if this job came through (it didn’t). He’s very, very nice and I would be perfectly happy to be friend and with him but I’m just not interested in anything else. He kissed me last night and I was already not interested long before that but I thought he was going home today and I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore so I let it happen. It was honestly terrible. Not only was I not feeling anything romantically for him, it was just the worst kiss I’ve ever had. Like worse than worse.
So now it turns out he’s staying the week and he texted me and I know he wants to meet up again. I hate to ignore him but I don’t want to lead him on any more than I already did. How do I let him down gently and tell him I’m not interested in pursuing anything else?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • When you meet up with him again, if he tries to pursue you in a romantic way like when he kissed you, tell him that you are not romantically interested in him but that you still want to be his friend! If he respects you, he'll back away from any acts of flirting and be friendly towards you. On the other hand, if he continues to invade you with romantic acts, give him a warning that you'll leave if he doesn't stop. If he brings up the night that he kissed you and wants to know why you don't want it a second time, just tell him the truth so this doesn't complicate things later! I can't say this is an easy way to tell him but coming clean is your best chance for him to avoid romantic pursuits on you.

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  • That's kind of a tricky situation. I did something similar once. The girlfriend of a guy I knew in college had a sister that apparently was interested in me and the guy's girlfriend asked me to go out with her sister. I didn't really have any interest in her, but for some reason decided to do it thinking "what can it hurt?" At the end of the date, I still wasn't interested in her but she wanted a goodnight kiss and again I thought "what can it hurt?" so I kissed her. During the kiss, she bit my lip and drew a little blood. Easily the worst kiss ever for me.

    She of course wanted another date but especially after that kiss/bite I really wasn't feeling it with her. The next day I decided that what I was doing was wrong so I just told her that I was sorry but I just really wasn't feeling a connection so I didn't want to go on any more dates with her. I think she was hurt more than if I'd just told her sister I wasn't interested in the beginning because she had gotten her hopes up about a relationship with me.

    I tell you all that just to let you know that you're not alone in doing something like what you did. At this point, I think the best you can do is just tell him that you're sorry but you just really didn't feel a connection. If you'd be interested in doing something with him as friends, you could tell him that but make clear it's not a date. If you just really don't want to do anything with him at all, then I think you should just say so and minimize the damage.

    What I learned from my experience was that I should not date anyone for any reason other than I think I'm interested in them. From what you said, I'm guessing that you're thinking the same thing at this point.

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  • just say to him sorry but i feel that things aren't really working out with us and explain why, whatever you do don't lie to him lol, that doesn't feel good at all.

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  • Being so nice and all why dont you have sex with him without kissing

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  • You should have been honest from the get go. Now he’s gonna get hurt. Try not to mess with anyone you aren’t Sure you like... You know you should have only been friends and let it build to more if you liked him. Just for next time.

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    • Yes, ugh I know. And knregretted it as it was happening but I panicked and didn’t know how to stop it in the moment. 😭😭😭

    • Yeah ouch... Surly he will recover.

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