Why does my boyfriend worry about conversations with guys in college?

Today after class, my classmate started a conversation with me. I didn’t get a text that my boyfriend was on his way (we were planning on meeting) so I assumed he was gonna take a little longer. My classmate caught up to me and started a conversation and I didn’t hear my phone so I accidentally made my boyfriend wait about 10 minutes. (He messaged me when the conversation started).

After after those ten minutes I remembered about my boyfriend and told the guy I had to go, I checked my phone and viola! Boyfriend sent me two texts and three calls.

I apologized to my boyfriend cause i use I didn’t hear my phone an I’d told him I got caught in conversation. He started saying that I forgot about him and this guy doesn’t want to be friends with me that a guy doesn’t usually have intentions to be friends with me.

but random conversations are how I met a few of my friends. And he knows I’m loyal! He knows too. When I asked him what he was worried about he basically was worried about the guy. But I don’t understand. I enjoy getting to know different people and guys just so happen to be so much more out going, which is why most of my friends are guys. ( once they’re friends, they’re just friends.)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The answers from guys on here to these kinds of questions are always the same here and I find it strange, for some reason they jump straight to "he's a controlling asshole you should finish with him". For some reason I doubt that their reaction would be so harsh if it was the other way around.

    Anyway, I'd say that when these kinds of things happen many men will naturally get jealous, especially if they've had bad experiences in the past. An example from my experience was a girl I met when I was about 20. She seemed really cool, she said that her ex-boyfriends were really controlling, that they had a problem with her friends because they were mostly guys. At this time I wasn't that bothered, I trusted her to be faithful so I said nothing about it.

    Eventually things like this happened to me. At first I wasn't bothered, but then it started to bug me more and more, it seemed suspicious. Eventually I asked a question on here about it, and I was told basically that I was being a dick, that I needed to trust her or leave. A week later I got a message from a guy who sent me a screenshot of her admitting to having sex with another guy, one of her "friends".

    So my gut feeling was right, and I wasn't actually being a dick. My suspicions were correct. But according to these people I should have gone on blindly trusting her.

    I'm not saying that a guy shouldn't trust a girl - I trust my girl now - I'm just explaining how they end up with this kind of mindset. When that happens if fucks with your head and makes you suspicious of girls who have mostly guy friends. And when he talks about how guys think he's right.

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    • Thank you so much
      I hope I love this guy though. I wouldn’t want to hurt him in any way. (Lol yes I read everything you said and Gagarin thank you :) )

Most Helpful Girl

  • Having a dig at you for a ten minute conversation with someone you know is a bit of a red flag... I'd be very careful that his behaviour doesn't escalate and become more controlling. Don't allow this kind of behavior, he'll then get used to dictating your every move.

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What Girls & Guys Said

312
  • Yes you are loyal but we know men best and some guys just can't say no and he could be afraid of someone trying to be a friend and get close just so he can turn you against him there for now he thinks he has a shot at getting with you.

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  • Now, things like this happen all the time, but his reactions are surely exaggerated and severe. Now, I understand, you may be an angel which results his reactions, but 10 minutes are not bad.

    1. He was mad because the guy managed to make you forget about him (but the case is common for 10 minutes), but if it happens all the time, his reactions will be reasonable.
    2. He was mad, and said harsh words because he wanted to know how much he cared (mainly because he couldn't read or you usually did not care).
    3. All above.

    And yes. When we meet an angel, our moods surely rise, but this is not a phenomenon, this is your gift, but be careful. Verbal communication is a different matter.

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    • Thanks so much for answering and helping me understand. I have a few more questions though, if you don’t mind. And if yes, thank you!

      1) can you clarify #2? Like he was mad at me cause I got distracted so he wanted to show it to see how I react?

      2) what do you mean by “verbal communication is a different matter?”

      He did mention he hates waiting (he picks me up from my college and sometimes I’m making my way from class or sometimes I’m waiting in a building). (But I hate waiting for him too sometimes when he takes a bit longer). He also did mention he was upset cause I had forgot about him for that time. It’s the only time that’s happened but I do happen to make a small about of guy friends.

      I just find them easier to talk to. Girls around me, I feel like our conversations don’t flow as much

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    • 3. I notice something. You said he picked you up for class, and the waiting was daily life. From here I conclude 3 details.
      1) he may not be going to college with you -> not the environment that you are living now -> mysterious factors that he cannot explore and know what is going on in your environment -> his cautiousness is reasonable. Worst case, your education level is above him. He may find your capability one day will be out of his reach -> he can no longer communicate with you -> relationship on edge -> he becomes more sensitive
      2) Waiting is a pain. Common courtesy: if a person asks to be picked up... you know what I mean. It's not a major problem, but a trivial one stacks up every day could become troublesome.
      3) there are histories of other factors I am not seeing now.

    • It's the boyfriend's job to ensure his girlfriend to be safe. It is understandable for him to be upset more than usual. Would I be upset if I were him? First time, of course not, several times, absolutely yes.

      Your boyfriend sounds like a civilized person, but to other unfortunate ladies, especially in different countries, things usually go in a hard way...

      Also if you notice, many girls here ask the same thing, "how come conversation between girls do not flow?" Long different matter, there is a professor named David Brook, used to teach in Yale, now a commenter for New York Times, addressing this issues in one of his animation videos made by RSA on YouTube, but again, different issues. No problem at all, good luck.

  • Either don't make new opposite gender friends once in a relationship, or be prepared for the relationship to be ruined eventually. And most guys that try to become friends with you will want to date you.

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  • Because college guys wanna get with you, and even if you talk to the 5 percent that don't nobody wants to take chances. He really likes you if he's protective but not one overprotective

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  • He has got too much jealousy in his blood... but nearly all men do jealous and always want to be dominate. My advise may not work for you since you are fond of male friends

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  • My last relationship was 3 years long. I didn't tell her who she could talk to because that's toxic. I trusted her and she trusted me. She went off to college and I helped her move everything in and all was great, she made new friends and I thought it was fantastic. 1 month later she breaks up with me and 2 weeks after that she's pregnant with some other guy's kid. Maybe that's why he's worried. It's good that he is worried. Guys are usually pretty keen on other guys intentions. I'm not saying let him tell you what to do, but what's more important in the long term?

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  • Don't give space for thisbkind of controlling behaviour. You have your own life and you are entitled to your friends and to meet people.

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  • Remember once you talk to a guy you might get aids from anal. That's why he concern.

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  • Sounds like he’s insecure about himself... you should be careful.

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  • Because he is very possessive and he doesn't want to see you with other guys

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  • He's an ass

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    • He’s actually a very sweet guy but it’s just this case that it’s ever happened. Again, a lot of my friends just so happens to be guys, cause I find that my conversations flow better. He usually doesn’t mind but this time he was a little upset cause he texted, called, and waited only to find out I got distracted by conversation with a male classmate

    • A nice looking man can kick a dog, and that kind of moment says a lot about them

  • Immature boyfriend nothing else

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  • He's insecure

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  • Guess

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  • This sounds so made up lmao.

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    • Nah it’s real
      Why though? Lol

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