Is age really "just a number"?

I'm 40 He's 20 My sons are the same age as him, and they are fast becoming good mates. They're not phased, so long as I'm happy. My daughter however (who is actually older than him by a yr) is not happy about it, and neither is his mum or his friends. We're both single, both adults, the sex is consensual and safe. I'm being made to feel like I should be ashamed and have been accused of sexual manipulation, whereas he's receiving awe and admiration (dbl standards for the win.) When you see a woman with a younger man, what's your first impression?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Right, what do you offer each apart from sex?

    I can't see a 20 year old offering much to a 40 year old woman in terms of mental stimulation, security, long term partnership. Neither can i see a 40 year old being anything but a pseudo mother (unless she's as mentally mature as a 20 year old herself, which isn't a good thing either).

    When i see huge age gaps i see one or both partners having issues with themselves.

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    • Surprisingly enough we connect quite well mentally as well as sexually. He had events happen in his life that forced him to "grow up faster," as it were, and his level of maturity is a credit to him.
      I'm not requiring financial security from him whatsoever, and neither of us have hopes for this to be a long term arrangment; he's a good time, not a long time, and vice versa.

      He has no "mummy issues" and I do not view him with any maternal insticts in the least. Hell no. And with five kids, I'm certainly not lacking in parental responsibility, so no requirement needed from him there.

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    • It is certainly the desire of the majority

      As to the cut off point, it’s not a hard and fast line, but you cannot deny that the odds are against you as you get older. You’re also adding chapters to what many good men would say is already an interesting past. So that window of opportunity for that loving husband is undoubtedly getting small. I’m not being misogynistic here, I’m giving you a plain and realistic appraisal of the situation. Being happily engaged, I gain nothing from hating you or any other woman.

      You’re too astute to argue semantics about the process of dating. You and I know full well you will not marry a 20 something, so dating him means absolutely nothing and if anything it’ll *hurt* your chances.

      As for their father I’ll apologise for having no idea about that.

      You asked a question, I’m saying in my opinion age is not just a number, it’s a biological and sociological compatibility check.

    • True.
      However I have no interest in marriage and never have.
      Apology accepted, observation noted.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Your son's will not have anything bad to say about it because they are Desiring women your age as well. I was fortunate enough to be with a woman your age when I was 20 and it was epic... You have earned this you deserve this and anyone who tries to throw the double standard at you either wants to be you or wants to be inside you

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    • You are definitely not guilty of sexual manipulation you are making this guy's fantasy come true just look on any porn site and you will see that MILF and mature woman sex videos are definitely the most popular. I would recommend watching these videos with your younger man because you will definitely spice everything up and enable you to push the envelope because both of you are probably holding back and a good way of testing the waters is putting on a mature woman sex video with different scenarios and see how he reacts. I can almost guarantee you that one of his fantasies is to have his friends join him with you

    • So you’re a grown man pretending to be a fifteen year old girl

    • This app won't let me change my profile to correct it

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 47

  • Age is just number, but in general we have different stages of our life we go through, he's barely an adult, probably wanting to just have a lot of fun right now, only a few years out of high school. What were you doing at that age?

    To put this into perspective, would you want your daughter dating a 46 year old man who most likely only wanted her because she was younger and attractive?

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    • Five years out of high school, works six days a week, not into the clubbing lifestyle, he's enrolling in the Navy when he turns 21, and at that age I had two toddlers lol.

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    • Still at the end of the day just because you can't see it doesn't mean their relationship isn't based on love

    • You're right, but I like to understand things, and am typically open to opposing ideas if they make sense. If I am incorrect in my assumptions then I want the asker to explain to me how and why I am wrong.

  • Boy toy. Low chances of long term romantic relationship as equals. He doesn't have the experience to have a good chance as an equal. That said if you're not looking to be equals in that regard, who cares? Most likely he'll give it to you good for a while, learn what you have to teach, then use it to impress someone closer to his age and move on. If you're happy with that or willing to risk it, fine.

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  • Honest opinion? And this is my knee-jerk response.

    "Good job that guy!"

    The additional complication of socializing with your children is a bit problematic, but as long as you're both happy? Whatever! Your kids should be happy that their mother is happy (and is apparently still "rocking it."

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  • No 20 year old should ever be considered an adult. He's bragging to his friends that he's banging a 40 year old lady. So you'd be OK with your sons banging one of your friends. You just wanted some young fresh D. Don't try to make it a love affair. I'm OK with you banging the kid but dating him sounds stupid asf

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    • It also sounds like you need to accept the fact that you're 40. You got 3 kids, probably divorced. This is a midlife crisis.

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    • I'm Aussie :)

    • I heard it when you called me 'mate'

  • Hey, I think you need to tell your daughter that you yourself are an individual apart from her, with your own experiences and wisdom. And if you want a 20 yo dude there's nothing wrong with that. I'd be cautious around HIS family though, because age dynamics can get weird if you're not careful.

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  • But you said previously that his mum and friends weren’t happy, so he’s hardly receiving awe and admiration.

    It’s not their decision to make, whether that be his Mum, your daughter or any old person on the street. It’s your lives, you two take it.

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    • I should have clarified it's his female friends only that are disgusted, and his mum had no issue with me until she found out I've got kids his age.

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    • so ahe doesn’t want to see him end up with a girl like her then.

    • Fucking lol

  • Age is just a number... I have been in two age gap relationships where she was 22 years older and one 19 years older... its your life not theirs... my parents did dissaprove too screw them do what makes you happy not them!

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  • So, you're having sex with a guy who is your sons' age. No, age is not just a damn number. Age has ethical rules you should abide. I mean... do you want to see your daughter reaching your current age and fucking a guy half her age? Well, trying my best not to be a judge here, but this is really wrong in my humble opinion. I would call that sexual manipulation.

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  • I don't particularly care, you do you.
    My first reaction was, kinda odd though.
    My second reaction was, so she'll die about 15 years before him, kinda sad.
    My final reaction is that if you both want it and it makes you both happy, do it.

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  • I'm not sure if age is the issue here, I know a lot of people around my age who act more mature than some 40 year olds but I digress, maybe your daughter needs some closure and given time hopefully you can all get along together. At the end of the day, that's all that matters.

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  • Just remember: The 40-year old President of France, Emmanuel Macron, has a wife, Brigitte, who is 25 years older than him. She used to be his teacher. Her son and elder daughter (from first marriage) are older than him too. Brigitte did not manipulate him and he always said that he was going to marry her.
    www.ibtimes.co.uk/unusual-romance-presidential-favourite-emmanuel-macron-his-wife-brigitte-1605082

    So, don't you worry.

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    • In America this teacher would probably end up in jail

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    • @reventon4 It happens!

    • In the interests of disclosure:
      1. My wife is 5 y 6 m older than me.
      2. My previous (and sadly late) girlfriend is 9 y 11 m older than me. We met just before she turned 42 and I turned 33.
      3. I so desperately wanted to have a relationship with a coworker but, knowing my interest, she made sure to friendzone me. She (sadly, also late) was 15 y 6 m older than me and I had recently turned and just before she turned 49 when we met.
      4. My mother is 19 y 8 m older than me. Often, my mother said, when we went out places together when I was in my 20s, people thought she was robbing the cradle.

  • Well, there's a few different factors at play here.
    First of all it's the difference in age divided with the total lifetime of each of you.
    That number goes down as the two of you age.
    The other aspect is the whole children and fertility side of things...
    If you want to get children your time is running out...
    Is he ready to become a parent?
    Are you?
    If you stop being able to get children by the time he *is* ready what happens then?

    That kind of things...
    I don't think less of the two of you for wanting this relationship.
    But there are some concerns you two should talk about.

    Also, assuming that you do get a child and for whatever reason you die, what then?

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  • honestly , enjoy it.
    withing next 100 years you both are going to be dead...
    and no one will give a fuck,
    unless you make porn and upload and let the world enjoy too.. good luck

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  • Also rule of thumb if it don't fit the age gap equation might not be the best idea 40/2+7=27 therefore he is 7 years younger than the age gap. Bit it depends if you guys have stuff in common, know what you want, etc.

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  • Cougarino. Imagine a 40 year old dude dating a 20 year old girl. That's the level you're on, my friend.

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  • Eh. Age is just a number, maturity isn't. Good for you both.

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  • What would you think if one of your boys had a relationship with a woman double their age, or your daughter with a man that age?

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  • It's just a number forget about it and be happy. Go through the hurtle of life together see what happens

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  • NO it is NOT just a number!!"!!!11! It is a biological reality!
    As for the youngling you're banging, let the haters hate. You get what you want and you're making him happy.

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  • tbh - couldn't care less. Its not my life, you choose who you want to spend your time with.

    He has very big shoes to fill for a 20 year old with "children" like that.

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What Girls Said 20

  • Personally, I don't give it a second thought because it's not my life. You are the ones who have to be happy and you both know what you want to achieve it. I wouldn't worry about what everyone else thinks. I would talk to your daughter to find her exact reasons of why she is displease - if it's just the age or something else.

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  • I don’t care. They’re relationship is not my concern, and my boyfriend is seven years older so I definitely don’t care. I would question his maturity versus yours, I’ve found most men my age (20ish) are pretty immature, and you have kids so I’d imagine that’s odd for him, but I mean if you like each other do it.

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  • I'm 35 and seeing someone who is 18.
    Its a non romantic relationship but he's living with me and we are seen together outside as a couple.
    Some people consider it "hot", some look at us in disgust but it doesn't matter what others think.
    If it makes you happy being with him then yes, age is just a number.

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  • it would be fine if he was over 25. I think he's too young for you, and you should put your daughter before him. drop it, i'm sorry but it's not "just a number".

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  • I personally think that once you’re double the age of your partner, or they’re double the age of you, that’s when it’s like “whoa.. calm down”

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  • Love is love your adults therefore nothing wrong with it if you were like 60+ that be kinda weird sorta but your still youn in a way soo honestly alongs as you both love each other its fine dont let anyone get in the way.

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  • its just disturbing its like you do it with your son like wtf, to me age isn't just a number, but thats just my opinion, you do what you wanna do

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  • Tbh, to me it’s kind of weird and gross. Older women, younger men and vice versa. But you do you, boo.

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  • Mmm, well you need to think like the others, what would you feel if your daughter date with a 40 years old man. If you’re okay with that then do it and be happy. Good luck

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  • Yes she is just a number... all it matters if u truly love each other then go for it and don't think about what others say to u

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  • Usually, I would think that she’s paying him.

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  • I think that's hot

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  • 'My future husband is still newborn.'

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  • Well yeah but that's a big age gap

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  • Yeahh

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  • I don't find anything wrong with it.

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  • Personally I’ve been a victim of that my mom was 38 & the guy was 19 and I was 17 and he was trying to get with me and shit. Just make sure he’s not a sleeze.

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  • My dad was with a woman who was damn near 60 when he was in his mid-late twenties. I didn't have much of an opinion on it but I say good for you!

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  • To answer your question. If I would see you two walk outside I would probably stare a bit an bit like huh? Just because it's not the standard to be 20 years apart but hey I'm just some random stranger so it shouldn't matter. I had a relationship with a guy who was 9 years older than me amd I found that age is just a number, but the fase of your life you're at is important. Like you have grown up children and he has probably just started thinking about children. I believe making that work will be the hardest part. The other people in both of your lives probably will come around eventually. They want the best for you of your boyfriend and their opinions are biased by what is normal and how it's supposed to be but the most important thing is that you two are happy.

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  • If he was 1-5 years younger i understand but thats a big gap and i say that for any gender being with any younger gender. Its weird especially since he relates to your kids that much. But hey, if you're happy, do what makes you happy. I wasn't too happy with my mom dating someone 28 when i was 18 and she was 38 but she kept doing it so whatever

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