I had sex with my boyfriends friend?

I’ve known for years this man liked me but I ignored it and him as I didn’t see him in that way, in fact detested him.
Then he added me to Facebook so I accepted as we were all going to his cousins wedding in another town so we’re staying with members of his family. He started messaging me, asking me to come meet him and I’d just laugh at the messages and showed my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend went through a bad patch he ran a lot of debt up and we were just working nonstop to pay it off, we never went out, didn’t buy new things I didn’t even go to the hairdressers for my hair to be trimmed as every spare penny went to getting him out of debt. It caused so many arguments and tears and there was times I just wanted to walk. I was at my lowest, so when his friend started messaging me again I arranged to meet him and we had sex, and it felt good for first time in ages I felt good and attractive. Afterwards I deleted his friend from Facebook and pretty much ignored him and his questions to why I’m ignoring him. He recently got engaged but still hovering about the background, I honestly can’t stand the man at all, if it wasn’t him I had sex with it probably would have been someone else.
I feel so guilty what I did to my boyfriend and I’m stuck on what to do about it, do I confess or do I keep quiet? I don’t want to break up with him, I want to keep helping him get out of debt.
i don’t know what to do?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I vote for staying silent and if engaged, so will his "friend" not wanting his bride to know nor your boyfriend.
    If this ever blows up, simply deny it unless there's evidence not yet destroyed.
    Sex is not a tattoo unless resulting in STD; you could resolve much guilt by calling that act "therapy" and "going to the bathroom away from home" so similar are these.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honesty is the cornerstone of a good relationship, but it was one act of indiscretion. You should tell him, but also talk about the circumstances that led to it. Worse than sex would be if you wanted him now. Also count your lucky stars that there weren't any other bad repercussions like pregnancy or a STD.

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    • I don’t understand how it happened, I hate the man, don’t give him the time of day and he messaged me next I’m at his place and we are having sex. It was like an out of body experience like I know I done it but I don’t know why I done it. I’d understand if I liked him but I don’t.

    • Show All
    • Some people say the extreme emotion of love and hate are similar in many ways. If you hate or love someone you end up thinking about them a lot. Having someone on your mind all the time and then flipping the switch from hate to interest could be a hair of difference. It would be better if you didn't like him and felt indifferent than to absolutely hate his guts.

      That or he used a date rape drug...

    • @jessture I haven’t pretended anything

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What Girls & Guys Said

112
  • I don't think telling him matters, since, because of a bad patch in a relationship due to debt (which is horrible, i know), you looked elsewhere for happiness.
    What happens if you get into debt again, and have kids, or something else extremely stressful? Will you or him screw other people because of it?
    in my opinion, I don't see the longevity in this union.

    Oh, by the way, tell him.

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  • Removing him from FB and not answering his messages after you had sex with him was a cowardly attempt to make something go away that won't go away. What makes you think you can treat someone like that? Because he's a guy so "he'll be fine"?

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  • Suck your guilt up. You fucked up so now you have to assume the consequences.
    You already betrayed him, telling him would just be a way to feel better about yourself while hurting him even more.
    If he never ask, don't tell.
    All in all, if he ever finds out it doesn't matter if you told him or not, you'll be in the wrong.

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  • Of course you tell your boyfriend. He needs you out of his life and he needs this "friend" out of his life. He is with you now under false pretenses. He thinks you are a faithful mate. You are not. Most would end a relationship over that, some will stick around. Either way he deserves the right to choose for himself. He needs to know who he is really with so he can decide what to do.

    Lying to him is just selfishness on your part which is just another form of proof that you don't love him, you love yourself too much to love anyone yet because you were so involved in you that you were willing to meet up with his "friend" and let him put himself inside of you vs. being faithful or breaking up and now you are debating hiding it so that, once again, things go smoothly for you.

    Do the right thing... tell.

    Do the right thing.

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  • Of course you tell him. He needs to know his girlfriend is an untrustworthy, uncompassionate person. Otherwise you can keep lying to him like a piece of shit. Your choice ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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  • You confess and let him decide if he wants to be with you or not.

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  • Toss a coin
    When it is in air
    You will know the answer you are looking for

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  • Uh yea... you're a cheating whore, you should feel like shit.

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  • If ubsay u care for your boyfriend tell him it's pretty much that simple

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  • Its alright... One of my friends had sex with 3 of his friends GFs

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  • Before you think about confessing, you really have to think about whether you want to really be with him or not, because even though cheating isn't excusable it's usually a sign that something is wrong and either needs to be fixed or thrown away. So if you can see a long future where you are sure you can continue this without this ever happening again then you're good, but however I do have to warn you that guys aren't as good at forgiving cheating as women and that most will stay with, but they'll demote in their head and their heart. In some cases they will go and cheat too because they feel justified. The main thing here is you and your happiness, do what's best for you and don't guilt yourself out being happy even if it means changing things and the people you're around drastically.

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  • You're disgusting lol.

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  • You confess.

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