Would it hurt your feelings if you say "i love you" to your bf/gf and they dont say it back?

My boyfriend says i love you, but only sometimes. Like, once or twice a month, mostly when he is in a good mood.. And he doesn't say "i love you" back. He said he doesn't want me to expect him to say it back all the time, like a dog commanding to bark. He knows it frustrates me, and those words mean a lot to me. So he said he wants to say it when he feels strongly about it, and not just for the sake of saying it.

1|1
1523

Most Helpful Guy

  • Men are not into saying it so much and it very typical for women to need to hear it often. Get confidence from the things he does for you and feel extra good when he says it when he really wants to and not just as a response. You may need it to hear it from him but they are empty words cause they do not come from his heart when it's just a response. I've witnessed myself how frustrated my girlfriend used to get over this, but accept men an women are very different about this. Find s middle ground where gets more space to express himself more spontaneously and it'll be much more rewarding. It does mean you have a bit of a hard task of not asking and providing the space which means your needs are not met initially. Once he is confident enough your not asking for a couple constant response hell loosen up and the end situation will be you not asking but will be getting more 'I love yous'. (Sorry for the long text :)

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like a difference in love languages. Words are important to you, but not to him. I recommend reading the Five Love Languages for a better understanding.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I've heard about that. I asked him about it as well, how does he feel loved the most, but he said he doesn't know.

    • If you've been together for a while, you may be able to guess. Otherwise, maybe both of you could read the book and get to know each other and yourselves a little better.

    • Weve been dating for more than 2 years. Up to the middle if first year, we would text each other i love you daily. Morning and night. He said it became a routine so he stopped doing it

Recommended Questions

Loading...

Have an opinion?

What Girls & Guys Said

1422
  • It would definitely hurt me. But it really depends though. There are people who are not into words but more into actions. As what the saying goes by, "Actions speak louder than words." You will be secure and you don't need words to prove it if he shows it to you. Yes it's nice hearing those words, but it's always better for him to show. But if you think, the spark is gone or something, approach him, talk to him. Communication is always the best answer.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I've refused to say I love you to someone I was dating because I wasn't there yet and I won't say it if I don't mean it that would cause more pain to the other person. I have also told men NOT to say it to me unless they are sure they truly mean it. I had a 21 year marriage with a man who claimed he loved me more than anything and then proved himself a liar over and over. That kind of pain can destroy a person.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hum, I honestly don't know how those words are used in the anglophone world...
    In my country words like "I love you" or rather our equivalent is used *very* sparingly but hold all the more meaning because of that...

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just because you say these words doesn’t mean you should expect to come back. It’s how YOU feel and your expectations of him saying it back are a bit selfish in that sense.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It happened to me. I said it and he didn’t say it back. Said he cared about me a lot but didn’t throw out I love you like that. We dated for over a year after that and no one ever said it again. I was hurt obviously.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I expect the other to tell it back as well.
    Not to have a cute dog replying, but because most of the time when a girl stops to say it back, it's either she dosn't love you anymore or cheated on you and jusy can't say she loves you because it makes her sad.

    I expect it to be the same about men.

    Thus said, I say it everytime it goes trough my mind, so I just can't understand people who never say it, should it be legit.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I know that feeling! I’m a kind of person like your boyfriend. Whenever I’m in a relationship, my boyfriend wants me to say those words back. For me, It’s not necessary to say back everyday or every time he said. I feel it’s overreacting. I like to love someone from the deep down of my heart without words. Sometimes it’s better to hear when that person tell it with their whole heart.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Actually the thing that would hurt my feelings more is what he said about the "like a dog commanding to bark". Would piss me off

    0|0
    0|0
  • That would hurt and it sounds like he doesn’t have strong feelings for you if he said he’ll say it only when he feels strongly about it

    0|0
    0|0
  • It really depends on how long you have been dating, he may just not be completely in love with you yet, or if he was at one point, it might be fading for him

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm not the type to say such unnecessary stuff.. So. But yeah I guess it might hurt someone, so it's better to just say it

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd say if he's not sure maybe he needs time to decide.
    If he says it but won't say it often, that sounds like he's a stick in the mud.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you say anything over and over again it loses meaning. he's just trying preserve that meaning and the feeling of it

    0|0
    0|0
  • I get how you feel but I also get how he feels. You need to respect how he feels if you expect him to respect how you feel. Period.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No because he is being honest. If he always said it back when I say it I would think he doing it for obligation, not feeling.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes it would hurt my feelings and if you love someone you shouldn't have to be in the mood to tell someone that you love them.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I hear it from my girlfriend and I don't say it back.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If i know she loves me, she doesn't need to say it twice.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes I would feel hurt but I’ll understand his position and I’ll never push him to say it

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe not hurt my feelings I'd just be embarrassed

    0|0
    0|0
  • funny story... hahahaha this happened to mee

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wouldn’t care

    0|0
    0|0
  • yeah

    0|0
    0|0
  • I can't really tell what he's thinking about !

    0|0
    0|0
  • It would bother the hell out of me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes and I would hold that against her

    0|0
    0|0
  • It depends on how soon yoy say it

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well I guess u gotta talk to him

    0|0
    0|0
  • u can say i know

    0|0
    0|0
  • it depends.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Its common

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wouldn't mind it, but i would want to hear it at least once

    0|0
    0|0
  • He doesn’t what to make the word just a word it’s a special word that should be told be not every day many a bit more than he does like I would do it min of 1 time every 2-3 month

    0|0
    0|0
  • It shouldn't hurt your feelings. Feeling love as a guy is a scary thing and when he says it, it shouldn't be taken lightly.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wouldn't mind it

    0|1
    0|0
  • You've confused yourself with your ego. Your inner self doesn't care about words, it cares about actions that demonstrate them. Your feelings aren't hurt, your ego is. After all, a demonstration of love is undeniable, but words can be false.

    In a sense, the ego is creating tension and conflict which is totally unnecessary but that is what it feeds on.

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...