Girls, on a first date if a man ordered for you how would you feel?

It's been brought to my attention that some men that are expected to pay the bill on a first date will order for the woman they're out with.
How would you react to this if it happened?
  • If he ordered for me on a first date it would be a turn on
    Vote A
  • If he ordered for me on a first date it would be a turn off
    Vote B
  • I'm a guy, I order for women on a first date
    Vote C
  • I'm a guy, I wouldn't order for a woman on a first date
    Vote D
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Updates:
To be clear, I've been told some men do this on a first date that they're paying for to keep the woman from ordering higher priced meals.

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1927

Most Helpful Guy

  • Ton of variables here.

    1) Choosing the actual food isn't the same as ordering for her. I would never actually choose what she gets, nor do I think that badly ever happens for cost control. That seems kinda sketchy. Only exception here would be if the date was scored by talking about a specific food. I'd naturally order 2 of whatever enticed the date (you have to come with me to try this Cuban sammich!).

    Outside of that, I'd never pick. I would order though after we'd talked about what looked good - depends on the girl. I know it's 2018 and she don't need no man to order, or hold doors.. I'll hold the door though because chivalry is hanging on by a thread, contrary to popular opinion, if she'd appreciate it. Happy to relay our orders to the waiter in the same capacity.

    It can also be easier if you've schemed up some way to share a few different things and have a "team order" - also happy to let the lady do the whole ordering.

    Tl;dr: If a guy is stubborn/insistent on ordering, probably a bad sign. It's not immediately malicious though, and sometimes guys are ACTUALLY just being nice.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't let others pay for me and I wouldn't appreciate someone ordering for me, because I'm really picky and would hate for them to order some shit I don't enjoy eating.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1826
  • I’d find it bizarre lol, reminds me of titanic when cale orders for rose, I’d assume he was abit of a twat.

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  • It’s old fashioned etiquette for the guy to order for his Partner. I’m not aware that it’s related to cost - at all. It was done out of respect (in the same context a gentlemen’s opens a door for a lady)...

    Nowadays, if you issued the invitation-you pay, regardless of what’s she orders...

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    • I know that that's a thing that was done before but the reason behind why some men do it these days is insulting, in my opinion, at least on a first date.
      If it was a few weeks or months in, wildly different situation especially if it was a place or type of food I wasn't familiar with and he was.

    • That should be the end of the date / right there. “excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom” = cab home

  • Depends on what you mean. If he chose what I was going to eat, major turn off. I may not even stick around to eat it but if he and I discussed the menu and I told him what I wanted, for him to relay that to our server is fine with me and a gentlemanly turn on.

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  • I am a man and wouldn´t ever do that, if you want to take someone out be ready for what comes, it is a shame to make the orders for someone when you don´t even know ehat the person likes to eat, doing this to minimize the costs will obly detract from your value, better ask to half the value if you don´t have that much to spend than to order for someone.

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  • On a first date, no, I wouldn't. I'd help her or make suggestions if she wanted, but I'd want her to choose what she wanted so that she would enjoy the meal.

    Later on in a relationship, after I know a girl's preferences, I might order for her as a romantic gesture, but it still wouldn't be to cap the bill. It'd be to demonstrate to her that I know her and know what she wants.

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  • It wouldn't bother me I don't think as long as he orders what I wanted to eat or if I couldn't decide he made a good choice based on what I was considering. If it was a place I've never been or a food type I hadn't tried before It'd be helpful really.

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  • That depends on the situation. If it’s a first date, and I haven’t mentioned what I want and he orders something random, I’d be upset.
    But if we’re already in a relationship and he just knows me well enough to already know my order, I’d see it as thoughtful. I’d be a bit impressed that he remembers what I like

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  • I would say *ahem* actually, I will have the steak and i will be paying for it. I don't expect anyone to pick up my check and if someone purposefully orders me a cheap meal because I seem like I'm going to make them pay then I would probably be a bit offended and I'd make my intentions clear.

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    • I was going to put quotes around that but i forgot to, whatever

  • Only if there's a communication issue involved. For example deafness, doesn't speak the language, isn't comfortable pronouncing something. When in doubt, ask her how she feels about something like that. This has the extra benefit of letting her know you actually care what she thinks and might gain you some leeway when you do something stupid. ;)

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  • I would laugh. He’d have wasted his money unless he knew what I liked. I’m very picky. I’m hard to order for. I’m always changing my mind. Ordering would also appear he’s controlling. I don’t need that.

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  • Choosing her meal on her behalf feels, to me, to be a surefire way of coming across as a complete and utter tosspot.

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  • If we both know what we want before the waiter gets there and the waiter turns to me first ill give him the whole order just to save time. But in almost every other situation i let the woman order first

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    • That could be anoying unless you were like. "... yeah? directed at her to make sure you were right.."
      Can she not speak to other males? Lol

    • Show All
    • That they are lol

    • One got stollen from the zoo.

  • That sounds a little to controlling. She knows what she likes and is capable of ordering her own meal.
    Now if she immediately goes for the most expensive item on the menu, that will tell me a lot about her and there isn't likely to be a second date

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  • A turn off. I wouldn't like the assumption he could choose for me, especially since I'm kind of a picky eater and I imagine it likely wouldn't be something I'd like.

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  • If he’s ordering for me and he’s my boyfriend, we’re together for a long time and he knows me, on occasion that wouldn’t bother me.
    First date? I’m out

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  • I would be absolutely furious.
    It's insinuating that he's assuming I'm unable to make my own choice.

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  • I’ve definitely heard of men ordering for women on a first date, but it’s something I don’t do. I am paying for the first date dinner, absolutely, but she can have anything she wants on the menu

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  • D - I want her to have a grand experience to remember, not anything my fault in selections

    unless she was clueless what's best IMHO and looking for ideas

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  • A only if he knew what's best from a place foreign to me
    B if I knew the menu and couldn't stand 1/2 the stuff on it
    of course

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  • The women here are traditional about the man paying for the date but not ordering the food I see... Never traditional about anything but the guy paying.

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  • I would tell him as soon as he starts ordering for me i dont want that because i have tried it before and i dont like it. I will get what i like. Is that a problem for you?

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  • I've never heard of this before. I've only ordered for a woman after I've known her well enough to know what she likes. I've always intended it to be a romantic gesture.

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  • I like to have her order because she knows what she likes and doesn't like. You can tell a lot about someone by how they order food.

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  • So it's the first date how would he know what she would like to eat or drink suppose they still know each other and it can't work like this at the first date , whatever she like he must provide at first date

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  • It depends honestly, i wouldn't consider the money the issue in the given situation. I would think it to be the level of disrespect that accompanies such an action if the intentions are off. If i know enough about the woman already and know what kind of foods she likes or maybe she frequents the restaurant and i'm aware of that and her favorite food there i would order it for both of us as more of a "I pay attention hun" kind of gesture. Now of course she may not want that tonight or whatnot. That's one of the only situations i would consider doing such a thing myself.

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  • I never order for a woman because I feel it implies she can't think for herself

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  • I'd let her order what she wants because I see it as controlling if a man orders for a woman.

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  • I think it would be nice IF he knows what I like before hand somehow

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  • I wouldn't say it's a turn on but I certainly don't mind that

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  • He wants to control. I won't go to a date in a fancy restaurant if Im broke. I rather take my date to some restaurant and have fun within my budget

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  • If they ain't payin thats ratchet.
    But fair enough else they are basically giving you their credit card number..
    However..
    If they ordered for themselves a nice meal and for you 'she'll have a salad' I'd be fuming.
    Alg if he's been there before a bit like 'you have to try this'
    If he order two of the same: fairsies.
    If he order two different things it would only be okay if you shared and stole from each other and such.
    In any case if you have no input they should probs cough up the cheque.

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  • Eww... Don't choose what I want... I can do that myself...

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  • I would on the second or third or more if there was more then one date

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    • Oh no no no she can get what she wants and it better not be just a damn salad lol

  • I am sick of people asking questions like this. GET IT: Some men believe that men should pay and others believe in going Dutch.

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  • It's got nothing to do with money. If she can't decide I will make suggestions.

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  • when we date you can pick whatever you wish? edwin the nice guy from scotland lets talk?

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  • Sounds like a man struggling with money, shouldn't have gone for a date in the first place.

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  • Damn.. I misunderstood your profile picture @prettyKitty31

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  • Turn on

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    • Lol I'm a cheap date, I like cheap food

    • I am too. But I'd actually be pretty pissed if a guy did that. To me, it's basically telling me he's thinking I'm only out with him for a free meal. I definitely get the guys side of it, so many women do that so I understand that being a concern but then at that point lets go get slices not go to some fancy expensive restaurant.
      Just how I feel about it.

    • Exactly I'd be upset too

  • Sounds controlling as fuck. Haha

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  • Sounds like a dumb ass move to me.

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  • I'm a guy, I order for women on a first date

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  • I wouldn't like that

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  • I'm a picky af eater so have fun wasting money as you guess what I want lol.

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