He Lied... How Do I Trust Him Again?

On our first date, my boyfriend mentioned smoking and it seemed to bother me, so he lied and said he doesn’t do it. Now, we’ve only been together for about two weeks, but he mentioned vaping to quit smoking. He caught himself in his own lie. I cried and he seemed to have no emotions or remorse about it, although at one point he did hang up because he said he felt bad, and I had to call back. He said he swore he thought he told me the truth at some point before that though, which shows me that he intended to tell me before we got any more serious and it would explain his lack of emotion when admitting that he lied, since he thought I already new.
He’s trying to quit, so clearly it means something to him that I don’t like it. Clearly he wants to keep me around. And at the end of our phone call, he told me “you’re so pretty and I love having you in my life”.
He’s trying, I guess. And he’s never lied about anything else that I know of. In fact, he’s been more honest with me than he is with most people and has told me some really personal stuff that he doesn’t tell anyone else.
But I don’t know how to trust him again. How do I trust him again?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I hate to say it but you can't, not fully anyways. When questioned he's instinct was to lie which means if you question him about anything else in the future that he wants to hide from you his instinct will be to lie again. As long as he has nothing to hide then you won't have any problems but you'll always be wondering if he has something to hide or not. This early on in a relationship you're best to end it and find a truly honest guy.

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    • I was thinking the same thing
      But then I also think of his personality. I already know he’s a very drawn-in person. This would be the second thing that he’s told me that he was scared was so horrible I’d leave. He has trouble trusting anyone himself and it’s hard for him to tell people things that he doesn’t like about himself
      It was our first date, so I could see him being worried id leave if he fucked anything up. And he meant to tell me sooner but totally imagined that scenario...

      So many things like this are what confuses me and make me wanna stay just to show him I can stand by my man and none of these things that he hates about himself will drive me away... I don't know 😞 it’s quite a dilemma

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    • Sorry you've had that in the past, yea just remind him how important open and honest communication is in a relationship and if he's a good guy he'll learn the lesson.

    • I hope so. I truly do believe he’s good. I have, however, noticed that he constantly mentions being scared ill ghost him or just leave him. I feel like somebody hurt him in the past. So I can see why he’s totally guarded now, especially on just a first date. He had to make a good impression, I guess

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What Girls & Guys Said

03
  • If you can't trust him, be truthful with him. Make it an issue with him. So that he can make some sort of commitment.

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    • That’s a good idea :)
      I’ve been thinking of that as well... I need to show him that he needs to earn my trust back
      It’s just so difficult because he works so much and all we really get is a call each day and a date once or twice a week. I may find a way to try it though

    • :) hope it helps

    • Thanks ☺️

  • If he's gaping to quit he's not really smoking. That's probably what he meant. Or, he decided to quit for you, which is huge.

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    • Gaping to quit? And he is really smoking. I found packs of cigarettes in his car. He said they were his friend’s. But that was on our first date

      And he is quitting for me, or so he says. But that’s not the point. He still lied

    • Sorry. vaping

  • This whole thing is ridicules

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    • What’s “ridicules” is your inability to spell in your mid 30’s.

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