Why is it so hard to simply get an attractive woman to swipe right?

I'm a good looking guy with a good aura surrounding myself. There's no hardened bad boy exterior here. I'm a little bit materialistic but I can afford to be. I have a well paying job, style and nice clothes, cars, traveling, sports and music and attending events, etc. I like it all. So why is it seemingly so impossible to just get a few likes from attractive women online? Why should I think it's any different to impress or attract them in real life if they don't even like my photos or bio? It's just crazy. It shouldn't be this hard, given who I am, to appear attractive to someone.

I rarely get matches to begin with and I'm not even unattractive. It. Makes. No. Sense. My time is valuable. It's not like I'm some loser that has nothing going on in life.
Updates:
This got way more hits than expected, allow me to clear the air on this. I'm just a good, clean cut guy. What I posted here does *not* reflect how I wrote my bio. But, you might see that what I've posted here can be perceived and is reflected in photos I have chosen for my profile, and from the positive vibes in my online bio.

I don't present myself as having any sort of ego, but for the sake of my dilemma and question, I was simply stating who I am on paper. If that sounds arrogant, sorry?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • All of the things above that you described about yourself could actually be the reason why women don't "Like" you. You may have appeared to be too good to be true, or you appeared to be true but too arrogant and intimidating.

    Let's put aside the compliments I get from guys and men after seeing my pictures, but when they hadn't read my profile... I am a healthcare professional with my Bachelor's degree, and I have a respectable profession, but honestly, do I think that a man who's handsome, dressed in-style and fashionable, makes a lot of money, with a successful career, will have his eyes on me? ... No... I think that he would think nobody could match up to him, although I don't understand why he would spend his time there, because I've created a man profile before and what I saw in other girls, was either cashier as a job, and/or no college degree, or wanting to "have fun," etc. So can anyone really match up to a successful man?

    It also depends on what your profile says about you, and what you're looking for. If you're a handsome, successful man looking for "fun" while an "attractive" woman (in your definition) is looking for long-term, then she's not going to swipe right.

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    • This is very true

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    • But I still feel that men get to approach women more freely compared to women approaching men... but I think it really depends on your intention and how you present yourself on the the dating app/site. I've never seen your dating profile, so it's really hard to tell what the barrier is for girls to talk to you more.

      Maybe it's because you're looking for different things (short-term physical needs vs. long-term relationship) or maybe those girls just weren't that sincere. Did they have appropriate pictures, or did they look like they were advertising for some porn websites? (No offense. I've seen girls like those, although they may look pretty. I had hit "Like" on guys who said they didn't smoke, but posted pictures of them smoking. They looked like players to me, but I just wanted to know if they could really hold a conversation) Did they have intro in their profiles, or only pictures as if they didn't bother to let the guys know about them?

    • I always looked at signs that might indicate insincerity. Or maybe you're on the "wrong" app. We talked to much on here. I feel that we could have messaged each other haha... but I've been there before. I thought I'd never find a guy whom I can connect with, but I think I did, and I'm in the process of finding out more about it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think you should brag like that, it's not a good approach. Though I will say that if it was a woman in your situation people would sympathize with her, yeah. However I can understand the root of your frustration to some degree. Ultimately women on dating sites and apps treat men like a meat market. They don't care if you like them, it's about if they like you. They have a very large I-can-take-my-pick mentality.

    These sites were made for both single men and women but ultimately they really just empower women and feed their ego, and I think that even translates over to their real lives in how they treat men in real situations.

    I still think it's better to meet women in teal life.

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    • No, I get you. Because if a woman wanted to be confident in her looks, career status, bio, etc. most people wouldn't be speaking against her for it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3156
  • You need an objective opinion on your profile and pics. Send your profile or pics my way and I would be happy to take a look.

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  • You sound really stuck up so no wonder you're not getting anyone 😂 And who knows maybe they think about saying yes given your "good aura" and good looks and then once they realize how arrogant you are they're like nope or maybe you're just not attractive and paired with arrogance, that's not getting you any girls anytime soon.

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  • I’m young but don’t try to find women online. Go out more, make new friend in the area, talk to people more. Women have it easier when it comes to getting into a relationship. Men approach women more than women approach men. Smile be happy and women will love your positive energy.

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    • I do not think women have it easier getting into relationships. They have it easuer getting approached and havjng sex. The guy still decides if he wants a relationship and although many women and men do not want more than fun, it seems more men than women just want temporary. So even if women get interest from men easier it does not corellate with relationship getting into.

    • I agree with your advice none the less 😊

  • Reasons
    1. What u perceive as urself is not how others perceive u, so make u a person that lack empathy
    2. If u ar handsome etc... why swipe right? When real girls should be going after u...
    3. Maybe ur too perfect on ur bio that it looks fake
    4. When ur good u attract good... so maybe what u perceive aa good of urself is bad..

    Try to find out what wrong perception u have in urself and work on it

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  • I don't find dating sites or even social media to be a good representation of someone. I'm probably not alone in my thinking but I find those places to be so full of fake ass people just looking for validation. I have a nice home, cars and a good paying job but you won't see any of that stuff on my social media. You will see me in my daily life having fun doing the things I love. Just be real and the right person will come along.

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    • What I was trying to say with this Q was that I have tried my best to put forth the best version of myself online, and really this is what I try and do every single day of my life. Why wouldn't someone want to be the best version of themselves?

      I would just hope that women would see that and put it all together and be like "hey, this guy isn't some slob off the street" or whatever and maybe feel that if they were to talk to me, something might come of it. They can see that I have a stable job, they can see that I have a car, and present myself in a responsible and well-kept sort of manner. That's what I mean. I surround myself with good things and good people. I'm adventurous and post travel pics. I mean, I basically emulate attractive women's profiles in core structure, and do the exact same thing, bio and all, minus all the half-naked bikini photos lol

      I try to give that image and feeling of good vibes and it still just gets me nowhere.

    • I agree you should be the best version of yourself everyday. We all should strive for that. With that said, I don't think most women use Instagram or any social media for meeting people. We can thank cat fishing for that skepticism. Most of us are guilty of checking out the social media of the people we meet IRL just to find out what type of person they are.

  • Women these days just want the likes for attention. They have no desire to date they just want to be sexually wanted.
    6 of my female friends have 2 dating apps just to see that guys want them. They brag about never responding and having guys beg for a date when they do nothing.

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    • that's just so fucked up...

    • That is women these days. They burn for any attention then complain about it when they are given the wrong attention they desire.

  • Kind of the same problem here. Basically, 80% of women go after the top 10% of guys. Then it's offer and demand... So many of us competing for so few of them. They are picky as hell and bitchy. The balance is supposed to shift at 45 years old but in the meantime... dating apps increase the imbalance in women's favor.
    I guess going PUA is the wisest choice if no real options show up on tinder.

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  • I don't think online dating is good for a man's self esteem. He has to accept that rejection, 1 out of 1000 or more times, will be the norm. It's a jading experience. There really is no point putting effort in to initial messages if there's an unlikelihood of getting a response back. So I understand how you feel.

    You just have to remember that will will always have a ton of options for women and a ton of dickheads with the actual balls to approach them. It's not even that the cocky dickhead is superior, it's only that he had the confidence to approach and make it known that he likes her.

    Your best bet is probably to target. Make your profile and pictures as best and as tailored as possible. Showcase your personality and try to find your niche, and also try to understand what you're looking for. What are your positive attributes? Keep it simple and don't try too hard. Build it, and they will come as they say. And then just target girls you *really* like, all all levels, not just a genital level, and hopefully you'll get more of a response. A lot of women seemingly can't even be arsed swiping on those things. If you target with superlikes I tend to find more positive responses. But keep things chill and don't waste too much time on those things. It's supposed to be an enjoyable experience, exciting, and a precursor to meeting people. If you're going through the motions and you're losing your confidence, then it's telling you something.

    Overall try and focus on real life. Online dating and social wankery is a waste of time. It's all flaky and not real.

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  • I laugh at every one calling you arrogant and full of yourself. I don't think you're being self-aggrandizing at all. Just saying what your lifestyle is like. Most attractive girls post pictures of themselves on fancy vacations, on the beach, yachts, etc. so criticizing you and calling you arrogant for showing off your lifestyle is disingenuous at best and hypocritical at worst. Also, women go on and on about how they want a successful guy who has his life together, and apparently you're not allowed to showcase that in pictures? Which is literally what drives dating apps like tinder. Would these girls rather have guys take dimly-lit pictures of themselves in their parents basement? I don't think so. They want to see you out doing interesting things that they might enjoy; living your life. And then there's all these girls saying they want a guy with such and such personality characteristics. Hello! This is online dating, for fucks sake! How can you honestly accurately assess someone's personality through 5 pictures of themselves and a brief, manicured bio? Honestly, how? You can't. Most girls don't even bother filling out even the briefest of bios. It's just their snapchat or instagram handle and maybe a 'witty' one-liner they got from the internet.

    I don't know your profile or the area you live in so I can't comment on your situation specifically. But I think it's a big leap of logic to jump to calling you arrogant like so many people here want to do. You're just struggling like a lot of guys and want to know why. My gut tells me that a lot of girls just use tinder as a means of boosting their social media followers or to see what's out there without risking anything. Maybe the age range of the girls you're swiping right on don't have your age in their age range so they never see your pics. Maybe they're intimidated by you and don't think they're good enough (which I don't really buy to be honest). It's hard to say. I'd stop putting stock in dating apps and start trying to find ways to meet girls in person through your day-to-day life. You might have better success.

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  • Hello, personally i think tinder is a joke, i would try plenty of fish instead. Id love to help you can send me a message and screenshot ur profile and i can gice you good advice. I have got 1000s of hits.. literally..

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    • 👋 can I get advice on my pof profile

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    • Different guys are looking for different things some hookups some relationships. I would be down for which ever but ideally a relationship

    • I have encounteres both on pof.. whixh is good consisering i have never met anyone on tinder who wasn't dtf

  • Good aura sourrounding myself looool. This sounds so funny. Lol. Ok anyway have you ever thought that maybe the women you want to like dont feel the same way about you. And from your writing style here i can tell your a bit cocky. Like your point is i got money and everything else. But the most importantvthing in life is love and happiness and that my friend is what you dont have and what money can't bye. You should try to find out more about yourself and fix your own problems before looking for a relationship because i can tell you right now you were wearing a mask when you wrote all that stuff above.

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  • I can understand his side but I can understand the side of the girls who are answering this question. To the poster, understand, you have to humble yourself, by stating you are good looking and you have this and that is good. If you feel confident in yourself that's fine, but be gracious as well because girls/women will find that off-putting and "fake".

    Some girls/women will be intrigued by that but others won't, like the saying goes, "to each they're own". I'm currently dealing with the same thing myself, the only advice I have is instead of using dating apps, show an authentic, genuine, honest, real side of yourself to other girls and hopefully you'll find the one, but you gotta change yourself to be a better person.

    Everyone is busy in life, you gotta understand it's not just you. I know girls who go to law school or med school and they work part-time on the side and study for hours.

    As for the girls/women answering his question, I understand what you gals are saying but females have to understand that we (guys/men) don't get courted by the opposite sex (girls/women) the same way. Which means you will get more males looking at you, checking you out, sliding into your DMs, to random messages on Facebook or plenty of likes on dating apps. It's just a completely different world for men and women when it comes to dating. It really doesn't take much to allure the attention of men if a girl or a woman decides to wear a cute top and some tight pants or a sexy dress with heels.

    As for myself, I want to meet a girl who I am attracted to, works hard, has good morals and values and she makes me a better guy and a better person... That's the kind of girl I want to be with. It's not about money with me, because I stopped going out with a girl who can potentially be a doctor 1 day, it takes time finding the right one but 1 thing I will say that goes for both males and females, we can't be completely picky either.

    I know guys and girls who have superficial thinking (i. e: guy says ohhh her boobs aren't big enough, f-it, not worth dating or a girl will say eww he's not 6'4? he's only 5'9-5'10?) I consider that superficial thinking when finding a "potential" partner.

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  • Delete your accounts on all dating websites. That shit isn't worth anyone's time. Trust me. Its an absolute waste of your energy. Its a place for women to get their ego boost and increase the number of beta male orbiters

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  • If your profile photo has other women, a child, or other men in it, that could be a reason. The woman could be your sister and the kid could be your niece, but nobody knows that. Also if your profile photo is with your guy friends, it’s hard to tell which one is you and they probably won’t take the chance of you being the ugliest of the group in the photo haha

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    • Can't agree more. Any man with a picture of him with other woman/women is an automatic no for me... I don't want to potentially be with a man who will have so many women surrounding him as a lifestyle, because how do I know if I would be the most attractive woman in his eyes? No. I don't need any trigger for a man to be cheating. You could say that if a man holds his standards he would not cheat, but the men with standards are hard to find these days, and I can't tell who does and who doesn't.

  • Maybe your bio is bad? Or maybe you think you are good looking but you aren't? You should show us your profile so we can help you out more tbh

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  • Haha dude.. it's not you.. i have 14 matches in 3 months and i'm not even saying howmuch didn't reply.. datingapps are confidence killers for guys.. they also lower your standards so...

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  • Well the thing is that very beautful women know rgey have lots of options available, so they are way more discriminative in regards to potential suitor mates than an average or below average woman can ever be, so they think what you have to offer maybe isn´t enought for them, but if you want to increase your chances or you give hints to a high income or you show the abs as second or third picture.

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  • 95% of women are competing for the top 10% of guys. Unless you're a ten online dating isn't gonna work well or reliably for you. She's getting a thousand matches a week (accurate numbers I've checked) you gotta be waaaaaaay better to have a shot.

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  • I’m going to take what you say at face value and assume it’s accurate which may be a stretch.

    It’s conceivable that you present more as a long term marriage potential then a short term fuck buddy. Since tinder is skewed toward the latter that may be part of your issue.

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    • Why would girls throw away that opportunity though? I honestly don't know if that's what's going on or if it ever would even happen, but that just makes no sense. I see a hot girl that, if she turned out to be a good nice girl, I'd wife her up, you bet your ass I'd swipe right on her.

      Like you see your future wife online and you're impressed by her beauty and overall demeanor and you're like "nope" *swipe left*

      That's just insanely stupid, BUT knowing how women operate, I wouldn't put it past them.

    • I would but w lot of people wouldn’t. They’ve already decided anyone on tinder is just for fucking.

    • Welp then they're limiting themselves on what they can find. Literally anyone can be on tinder. Intentions aren't uniform just because it's tinder.

  • dude, you just sound frustrated about online dating. It sounds like you're confused about why you are not getting a lot of ladies, matching you.
    I would suggest you try to just meet women in real life too.
    I found my guy on facebook, maybe try friends of friends on facebook. If they have some kind of connection to you, that will help them relax around you more.
    good luck

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  • It’s possibly your profile picture. Get a good girl friend to take one of you and make that your profile picture. I have so many guy friends with the same issue and I make them their profile picture and it works so much after.

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  • Because girls need to know what kind of person you REALLY are, and in apps it's hard to tell.

    Being trained in online marketing, I had faaaaaaaaaar more success with women in real life than in apps. In real life they can actually see how I am instantly.

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  • Everyone is different and some people are picky. SOME people who find themselves attractive, try not to like a guys pic because some fear that doing that shows that they "want you". Some people are high of themselves and try not to show that.

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  • Well if your bios are anything like that, there is your first problem. You seem to take yourself way too seriously and are way too cocky. Confidence is nice and women like that but you seem to be trying to flex and most women don't like that. They appreciate humor, honesty, loyalty and respect. Saying that you need to get in the app and get out fast shows that you don't even have the patience that a lot of women are looking for. Try to change your perspective of online dating. And if you really can't, get off the sites and go meet a girl in real life

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  • Maybe it's your insecurities? If you are confident enough of yourself, you wouldn't doubt your own qualities just because you didn't get the reactions you expected from others. It seems like, instead of frustrating over why a woman you like didn't like you back, you are just upset over not being able to "get a few likes from attractive women online" = getting approvals from others of who you are and how attractive you are

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  • I would say put yourself in the females shoes. They setup a profile, and then they get flooded with fake and real requests instantly. Basically, with online dating, for every 100 messages or swipes you send, expect a small percentage back. On the other hand, for every swipe or message a female sends, they expect one back (especially if they are attractive as you claim).

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  • They probably think you’re not that good looking and you sound pretty arrogant too.

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    • @ your update: considering that you couldn't see how what you wrote above sounds arrogant, it's not at all inconceivable that what you wrote in your bio sounds equally arrogant. It seems like you're just unaware of your own arrogance.
      You could post what you've written in your bio on here if you want genuine opinions. Posting anonymously with little to no info regarding how you present yourself on tinder is not very helpful for those who are trying to answer your question; we are not mind readers, nor can we analyze what's wrong if you don't give us anything to analyze except for your own biased views.

  • You should sign up on one of those sugar daddy dating sites if your going to mention all this money you got

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  • Shid I've gotten 317 matches in 3 months and out of those 317 at least 40% of them have been attractive. Maybe ya need a batter profile pic?

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  • If Im 100% honest, you sound like a posh prat who doesn't understand the working class

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    • "Oh Im just so amazing! They'd be so lucky to have me! I've got lots of money which I spend on clothes, cars and holidays. There is actually no thing that is wrong with me and I am absolutely perfect!"

      That's basically what your saying. You sound like your so far up hour own arse that you have never experienced real life"

  • You sound pretty arrogant. Even you were the most attractive human being , i would not care.

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  • Show me your profile, let me see if I can help you. Last time I used tinder I had one date a week, dozen of matches, I'm not particularly good looking or have a top salary job.

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  • Do you have any animals or children in your photos? If not, try flexing thrm in there. Women tend to like seeing that as it makes you more likable and loveable.

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  • Depends on how your profile is. Important is a nice photo please face the camera and actually look at it. I can't stand the looking in the distance. The Bio should be short and informative. (Age, Height, Hobbys, looking for)

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  • Because women aren't on tinder for dating they're there for attention. Cut the online shit. Go for girls in person. If you have a nice job and cars it should be easy to land a hot chick.

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  • Honestly sounds like you have a bit of a ego. Might want to try and be a bit more humble. Women want someone they feel appreciate them more than themselves.

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  • Maybe you should try making some pictures of you where you don't seem to have style or a lot of self-confidence. On the pictures you should smile, have fun or load up some pictures with a dog or another animal. A lot of girls appreciate this.

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  • It's because they have a lot of choices. They are being flooded with messages from guys. You got to step your game up.

    There could be other reasons as well but just something you should know.

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  • Attractive women are not desperate and they know that if they give it time they can get the best of guys.

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  • Haven't seen your dating profile but if it reads like this post it might come off as too narcissistic, if that is the case have a female friend/sister edit it for you.

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  • Girls are not that predictable, they might like someone who I'd say has no chance and dislike someone who seems to be attractive. Also, being an asshole doesn't help.

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  • If you had a vagina and a cute face you would get a thousand likes in 5 minutes with every picture you uploaded.

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    • Yup, modern society loves females, but what's in it for men?

    • Nothing without hard work and a good dose of luck. Sometimes I regret that I didn't chose a female voice actress for my youtube channel I would have 3000 subs by now instead of 300.

  • If ur time is so valuable, why are u wasting it on dating apps?

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  • You sound arrogant and that’s off putting.

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  • I really hope you aren't talking about tinder 😂

    Last I heard it's full of inactive accounts in a lot of places 😂😂😂

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    • Not just Tinder lol, about all the popular dating apps.

    • Hmmmm :/ weird, if you truly are like you described :/

      Then again, why use dating apps at all?

      I used to too. I'm a 20 year old guy who's never had a girlfriend yet. I used ti be all over dating apps and didn't get any matches which just crushed all my hopes.

      But when I started going out more and talking to random woman I actually had a lot more chances than on the dating apps... I just realised that a relationship would cost me my freedom so I said fuck it 😂😂😂😂

  • They why does it matter so much that they don't swipe right? Step out and go get the "real" deal

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  • Finally said it, couldn't agree more. The chicks are also booring too, don't deserve to be picky

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  • Very good question, and I don't have a good answer. I'm way above average appearance wise, dress well, etc, but I don't get many matches.

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  • Women are much more picky, and therefore, since men are more open, they have a lot of choice.

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  • Online dating just amplifies hypergamy and unjustified female ego to unreal levels. If you have the money you will probably save more in the long run just by renting women.

    And LOL at all these women who chide you for being arrogant while they go for the bad boys who are arrogant as fuck. It's just more of women claiming to want one thing while really wanting another.

    Online dating is a waste of time and far too firmly in women's favor. If you really want a quality woman then you are going to have to go to another country where third-wave feminism hasn't poisoned their minds, preferably somewhere where there is a small, isolated village. Don't bother bringing such a woman to the West either or she too will become corrupted.

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