How to break up with a girl so she doesn't think I used her for sex?

we hit it off pretty great. first date was fun and we didn't have sex. the next 2 dates we just had a lot of sex. but now I'm not really sure I wanna date her after spending some time with and getting to know her. it seems like we're pretty different and we only had fun cuz it was new and exciting. I did not intend on having sex so soon and I definitely did not intend on using her for sex. so how do I tell her so she doesn't feel used or betrayed?

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  • You don't and if you try to tell her. She will never believe you. Best you can do is go on a few more dates but deny any sexual things.
    Then pick something you don't like about her and tell her that is the reason you broke up. It always works for girls.
    She will be thinking of that small thing and not the sex.

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  • Honestly, if you just show her that you asked this question, i think it would be proof enough that you're not being a total dick head. Tell her you had a lot of fun at first but that you're worried there are some things that don't quite mesh between the two of you. Hopefully she feels the same way about it and won't react too poorly.

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    • Why do you have to be so rude to him? Is it necessary you call him a dickhead? How would you feel if some guy told you to prove you are not a cunt?

    • Not calling him a dickhead, I'm calling people who use others for sex and lead them to believe it's going to be a relationship dickheads. I also wasn't saying he needed to prove anything, but he seemed to be concerned about what she will think after the break up. He wants to prove his own character to her.

      I had no intentions of being rude to him or of saying that he NEEDS to prove himself. I hope you're the only one who interpreted my comment as rude, because I think it's really sweet that he cares about her opinion and feelings.

  • Tell her exactly what you just told her here. Maybe you don’t like her in that way to want to date her, but if you like her personality maybe you can suggest being friends. The only way she will end up feeling used for sex if you break up with her then suggest friends with benefits. But personally, I would just be understanding if a guy told me this.

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  • Look dude... be honest, you said yourself you have nothing in common so you don’t want to be her friend. Frankly, why does it matter if she thinks you used her?

    And yes you did use her. It wasn’t your intention but it’s what happened. It wasn’t like you were balls deep inside and went “good god. She doesn’t know about architecture”.

    The sooner you are honest, the easier it is on everyone. Hell, tell her you what you told us. The more honest you are the better it will be. She’ll appreciate you a lot more as well.

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    • how did I use her exactly? if she initiated sex? just cuz I'm a male doesn't make me the bad guy automatically.

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    • @Rubyrose1 I never said she didn’t use him for sex either. But men are better generally at detaching sex from a deeper meaning.

      They used each other. Happy?

  • Just tell her exactly that. Life happens, boundaries weren't set in place and that was the out come. That is pretty reasonable to tell someone your feelings. If you don't see being with her any longer then tell her so both of you can move on and find someone right.

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  • tell her you aren't used to having sex that early on, and tell her that you should have waited to get to know her personality more and then this wouldn't be as awkward. just because a girl inititates sex early on doesn't discount your own ability for common sense... now you have the experience to back up that... just because she offers you sex early on doesn't mean "you're controlled by your male biology to take it"... you have a brain and it can use it in the future.

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  • Tell her exactly how you feel. Lies may seem lik your doin her a favor but dont! If u dont hav chemistry you dont. Just make sure u tell her. And its better your letting her go than keep on sleeping with her. Ur doin the right thing. Not the devious thing.

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  • Tell her nicely and don't mention "used", If she gets angry then have a mature conversation, she will feel better if you are honest with her instead of just ghosting her. You guys had sex so at least there is some kind of connection there and by connection i don't mean love and shit just primal.

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  • I think she'll already know you just used her. Tell her the truth, that you wasn't prepared to be very close with her and that your sorry.

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    • i dont get how i used her

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    • He didn't

    • Oh sorry, I thought you said you just had sleep with her on most of the time you met her, except the first date. I assumed she knew that, since most of the time she met you it was just about sex and not dating or knowing eachother, that she believed it was only for sex as well.

  • Honesty, bro. Don't belittle her, but tell her what you liked about her and why you don't want to continue. Dating is a learning experience for both parties, and knowing who/what works and what doesn't is important for both of you.

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  • You've only gone on 3 dates - so you're not exactly "breaking up" with her. Many guys and girls have no qualms about ghosting after 3 dates let alone having a "break up" speech.

    Just tell her you don't see yourself with her in the future. Nothing more and nothing less. If she's an adult she'll accept it and move on with life.

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  • Tell her exactly what you just stated to us. It's going to be painful anyway you say it, but honesty will be better. You may even be able to salvage a friendship

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  • Don't know. U screwed yourself. You should've never had sex in the first place. At keast... try to tell her the truth and don't let her get angry. But if she does get angry, and she s not a slut, your fucking doomed.

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  • there's no easy way. You just need to tell her and save both of you from any unnecessary suffering. “I think you’re great and definitely had a lot of fun but I just don’t see this relationship going anywhere, I hope you understand”

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  • Pretty much just repeat what you posted from "I am not sure I want to date her,,,,,". All you can do is tell the truth. You can't make her believe it. If you tell the truth you did your part and that's all you should worry about.

    Let her get angry if she wants to or needs to without reacting or making it worse. Everyone who gets dumped gets a free pass at saying something hurtful or bitchy and then both people move on. The one doing the dumping doesn't get that free pass tho!

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  • Just be honest, dude. Tell her straight up "Actually, I'm just not feeling it." If there's something specific about her personality the, please, do her a favor and TELL HER. She may not be willing to work on herself initially but after a couple of men tell her she may.
    She's going to think whatever she's going to think no matter what you do. Be prepared for her to be clingy and/or not want to give up if she doesn't get angry.

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  • If she initiated the sex, then perhaps she used you?

    Does it really matter? After all, you both had great sex, and now you discover that you think you are too different to make a good couple.

    Just tell her how you feel, and be honest to both you and her. And do it as soon as you can, so none of you are in the dark about it!

    Good luck! :-)

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  • It's kinda late for all that. Ones you had sex with her the damage was done. That's a piece of her She'll never get back. Either way you do it , all she's going to think about is the sex. You'll have to take that Loss

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  • Rip that band aid off, just tell her straight and quick. You’ve decided to move on , you just don’t have much in common

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  • U didn’t have to have sex with her right? U could have said no

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    • I mean there's a lot of others things to do:watch a movie/show, play a game, go for a walk, visit a museum, go to the beach/pool, restaurant, seen a play/musical, go to a concert, cook/bake something, watch a sports event, go for a boat ride/car ride/bike ride, dance at a club, etc. the possibilities are endless!
      You didn't have to put yourself in a situation where you would have sex. That's what hookups are for... not dates. I understand you both were super horny but if you have enough willpower and self control, you could have kept each other's pants on and been like "no... umm let's just take a breather and do something else." Now you have to deal with the consequences.

    • yea yea I'm a male and I'm always at fault. great speech

    • It can be both of your faults actually

  • Just tell her you don't feel like you have much in common and it would be better for you both to see other people. Assuming she's not like 16, she'll be able to handle it. She may even feel the same way.

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  • Tell her honestly. She will probably get mad either way, but its your life.

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  • The key here is...

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    . not to use her for sex.. from the beginning

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  • Don’t matter what you say lol she’s gonna think you used her for sex period

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  • This one's a toughie. I'd give it a bit more time, not too long though. Just slightly pass the message that you two are dissimilar by simple things like not agreeing on music taste, fashion, food, interests. Make her feel that you two are different

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  • you be honest and hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Oh apologies lots of those while you end things might help.

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  • You already used her. If you didn't like her you shoulf have tell her

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    • She didn't use her at all. It takes two to tango and It sounds like it was consensual both ways. She could be using him for sex with no feelings involved just like him. It's sexist to think that only men can use the other sex for sex.

      Although I do agree that being truthful is the best way to go. Who knows you may just end up being friends with benefits if she doesn't feel for you that way too.

      As to how to tell her, gently. Don't do it after sex take her out to a light lunch or something like that and discuss it calmly tell her that you want to talk about your "relationship" and where it's headed. If she doesn't agree with you then it's best to split ways there.

      This makes you not only look like a gentleman but it also ensures that you don't look like a greedy fuck after you tell her that you don't want to date her after you had sex.

    • He* didn't

    • Let her think what she wants. If she gave up the puss before you made it a relationship thats her fucking problem. Dont worry about what she thinks. And no he didn't use her

  • Just tell her exactly what your saying here and if she doesn’t believe you, that’s her problem.

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  • Yer girls are taking a risk by having sex with a guy within the first few dates. That's not really long enough a lot of times to know if you want to stay together as a couple.

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  • You let her know that you're not feeling it because your interests are too different and you can't see it working out in the long run. I don't really believe she has the right to feel "used" since she willingly had sex with you only one date in. It would have been different if you had promised her that you'd work out, or if you strongly hinted at wanting to be in a committed relationship with her - just to get her to have sex with you. But in this case it seems like she wanted sex early on and you didn't have to "play" her. Thus, she can't really claim to feel used. Although she might still feel that way if she's illogical, which in the end you have very little control over.
    If you're scared of making girls feel used, then deny having sex with them until you feel like it can get serious, or you're on the same page.

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  • tell her you think things took off too fast and it's made you uncomfortable, you wanna take a break to see if it's just the hormones fking with your head or if you actually like her

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  • Just tell the truth. She might or might not believe you, but that's the best you can do.

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  • Just tell her you like her and care about her and since you realize there's no future it will be better to break up

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  • She's going to accuse you of it anyways... just get it over with

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  • Let her think what she wants. If she gave up the puss before you made it a relationship thats her fucking problem. Dont worry about what she thinks

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  • I think u r thinking right.. but pl donot be honest as she will get hurt... it's better to lie then breaking someone's heart and u already decided to leave her... give both of u a chance have a date without sex spend time with her and then take a break so that u can analyze her worth in ur life... you can excuse her cz of some personal job issues or any other issues to leave her but pl donot comment personally. It's not her fault either.. May be she also thinking same ways but trying to match u up... whatever u do breakups never happy ending but damage least possible being a good man...

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    • no offense but that would make it worse he would be dragging this out and giving her false hope its better to be completely honest than to lie lies grow and grow and grow and she will get hurt even more yes the truth hurts but its necessary

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    • i meant u

    • That's great.. thanks

  • Give her a personal speech and dont say anything about sex say it was fun meeting her and say that you would still like to be friends

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  • Be honest with her and tell her what you were saying here

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  • I use women to get to men. And I know exactly how she feels. You bastard.

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  • Tell her the truth but cover your nuts first cause she may kick.

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  • Gradually tell her that it won't work well for you both.

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  • Just tell her its over followed by im sorry its not you its me

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  • Simple tell her that I even fucked my mother. You are the same.

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  • Your problem deal with it tell her the damn true...

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  • Just leave and dont ever talk to her again.

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  • How do you know she wasn't using YOU for sex?

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  • Being straight forward and honest is the best

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  • Tell her what you're telling us.

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  • Just tell her that

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  • show her this question

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  • Be honest.

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