He’s on my mind everyday, I hope he’s happy but there’s a small part of me that wishes I still saw him. even just as a friend. How do I stop thinking?

I met a guy (let’s call him j) over 5 years ago when I was maybe 14 years old. He was 17 and messaged me through mutual friends on messenger and it was clear he was flirting. I did not reciprocate, and instead a friendship formed. I’m unsure how this happened but he became a big part of my life where we would talk about each others flings and spend evenings cooking and getting high and having a laugh, we had a similar friendship circle and found each other seeing each other most days. Years go on and I was then 19 years old and we were both still single, still close and communicating most days. I found myself calling him when I finished work at 4am (he worked nights) I’d collect a McDonald’s and go round his home at the time. Still plutonic, with flirty jokes and touches present we’d stay awake all night talking watching tv and just enjoying each others company I guess. He used to ring me some mornings for spontaneous breakfast outings saying he’d be outside soon! We had each others backs in social situations even to the ridiculous point where we’d comment on the attractiveness of each others friends and set each other up! After one time flings with each others friends we’d be back together having a laugh and gossip about said event of whichever evenings shenanigans! The inevitable happened and after sharing a bed plutonically for years multiple times I found myself at his home (both sober) and this lead to sex. Initially it was awkward, abit clumsy and over quite quickly! It seemed neither of us knew how to handle this shift in our relationship and things became slightly awkward, we spoke less and had sex more. It felt like we were both unsure how to be around each other and it eventually led to us drifting apart when I got into a relationship last year. A few months pass and he rung me out of the blue and asked to come see me, all was okay and back to normal we laughed and joked, until he blurted our he’s met a girl at his new flat, a year on and we don’t speak :(

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  • Cognitive dissonance.

    That "small part" of you is your "cushion" and Yes, it's unhealthy.

    To overcome it you MUST deaden all hopes of getting together with him again.

    So don't think based on a text message or a call or any "hint" from him.

    Get a new guy and move on. It's easier than being alone. (And coming to sites like this won't help.)

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  • You can't stop thinking about it. Just take your time and you'll slowly forget

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  • Tuff

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