How can I stop giving off such a commitment oriented vibe?

So I've been told by a number of women throughout my life that I'm the kind of guy that you get serious with (this usually happens in casual conversation). I have always assumed that this was a compliment, in part because I've never gotten the "you're a nice guy, but..." speech. Interestingly, I've also been single for my whole life at the age of 25, and never even gotten laid sober (I'm pretty sure that I have drunk). This is a problem for me, because I don't really have time for a relationship.

I am worried that part of the reason that I'm not having success with women is because they don't see me as the kind of guy they can just have fun with. I am not interested in an endless stream of hook ups, but it would be nice to find a girl who was willing to have an quasi-monogamous friends with benefits type arrangement.

How can I stop giving off this super committed vibe, while also keeping things classy?


Most Helpful Guy

  • "How can I stop giving off this super committed vibe, while also keeping things classy? "

    If i try to think about the guys women would describe as "too serious," it'd be the guy who is sensitive, attentive and emotionally ready to open up. While in the women brain they think "this is what i want but why am i not attracted to this guy?"
    - It's great you can connect with women on this level however... i don't think women will admit it but they do like the man's man guy. Even if they complain endlessly that he isn't this or that enough yet... that's the guy they go and fuck.

    Advice to you is not to "become that guy" but be more okay with the things you want and not what you think they want.
    - what i mean by that is.. what do you want from women? do you really like to connect with them emotionally, listen to there shitty stories or do you want to bone them or go and DO something and sit around and talk.

    In my early 20's, i remember listening to women and doing/being the guy i thought was the "good" guy... which yield the same "friendzone dude." Late 20s, i started to be more okay with "nah, fuck that shit" which then yield more success. I would just start out with a brief convo and then being forward.. if she's not having it then it's all good If she is? Then we get to go bone or at least start dating. OR if she doesn't want to, maybe her friend will be interested. OR fuck all of it who cares?

    Good luck !

    • woah woah woah, you've got me wrong. Women are not calling me "too serious." Also, I don't sit around and listen to their shitty sob stories about other men. Women don't talk with me about other men, and I do get a fair amount of attention. My worry is that women think I'm ready to settle down, but the truth is that I am not. If they think I'm ready to settle down, but they aren't, they simply don't waste my time.

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    • Never the less, you are doing well. I am sure if you've spent any time here.. there are guys are much farther out in orbit with their womens success.

      Young guys and girls will often say what they think they should be saying and not exactly how the feel. In my early 20's i had all sorts of stupid ideas of what i was looking for and then i realized that they were mostly ideologies... Not all.. but most of the criteria i set out and of course.. ideas change.

      So i'd just take the "too serious" stuff and flush all that down the drain.

      you're a beast.

    • Thanks for your help!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Either you are a player by nature or you are not. It sounds like you are a decent guy with a respectable career path or future prospects, since those are the kind of guys women tend to want to settle with. However, it doesn't seem like you possess the charisma, looks, or suave personality to make women want to sleep with you sober.
    You sound like a nice guy, but you don't seem to be a player.

    • Would changing my look change women's opinions on that? I am a bit chubby...

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