(I am 16 by the way not whatever my age says) how do I start/keep an interesting conversation?

There’s this girl I like and we talked a good amount in the beginning of the year but bc I’m an anxious person I never could really talk with her and get to know her, even though it seemed as she wanted to. I’m in a better place now with my self confidence/social anxiety and everything but I’m still sucky socially. I really want to make an effort to actually get to know her now, and I’m impatient and I know schools almost over but I really want to do this.

Basically my only conversation starters right now are about school... or I can compliment her, but school is what I use. Like she doesn’t want to talk about school... I don’t even want to talk about school 😂. I don’t know much about her of course... which makes other topics hard.

The problem is I feel so boring during conversations and my years and years of social isolation leave me with a blank mind sometimes. I’m not awkward, I won’t start talking about weird shit but my mind feels like it goes to mush and I can’t think straight.

Also I’m not conscious of myself during a conversation but I’m conscious of people around me. I would have no problem starting a conversation if me and her were alone in a room together, I guess that’s pretty obvious. But when her friends are there and/or my friends are there I’m always conscious about them. I don’t know why. And I can’t shake the feeling that sometimes I’m being a burden to people I’m starting conversations with... especially when they are near their friends. It’s kind of hard too because that’s always when I see her, in class with her friends and my friends and in the hallway with her friends.

Overthinking is obviously a problem of mine also.

thanks for whatever advice you guys give me!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Find something you have in common, likes movies, books, social activities, just ask her questions.
    Don't over think about your saying, just be yourself. Girls like guys who can just be themselves around them. Most people don't care about what you say, as long its not offensive, rude. Also most are thinking about themselves, they are worried about being judged. The girls you are speaking is also worried about you judging her.

    Just try to relax, the more you relax around her, the more she will feel comfortable around you, If you are nervous, and anxious around her, its going to make feel uneasy around you as well, easy said than done, But when you are talking to her, just say to yourself, she loves me really. that will help lol, I use that affirmation all the time, when I feeling nervous around someone.

    • Others have said to be passionate, that's all key.

    • Don't get personal with her, like personal issues. If you find yourself getting into that conversation, just change the conversation quickly. If if there something you don't want to talk about, don't say lets not talk about that. All you have to do , is change the topic. People will generally get the message that way. Plus they won't fell they have upset you either.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Conversation is a real skill, that means that you can learn, pratice and improve it. The difference between a good and a boring conversation lies in the emotions and feelings. Conversation starter isn't the hardest part, keeping the conversation going and interesting is.

    Secret trick with girls/women : Don't talk about yourself unless she asks you ! But ask questions about her, then react and bring up something about you related to what she said, preferably something funny or interesting enough. Chances are, she will ask you more, keeping the conversation going naturally. That way the conversion resolves around her without being a one sided questionning (that could be really uncomfortable for her).

    Ex : ask her about her family, if she tells you about her sister and how close they are, say that you're also really close to yours and give an example with a short story (a funny one).

    Practice... a lot ! Not only with girls but with anyone, only then you will improve and be fluent without even thinking about it.

  • Just talk about things you are passionate about. She will turn things to what she is passionate about. love love learn etc

  • It's not what you say it's how you say it. Be passionate.


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