Is it really that big of a deal to date someone that has a young kid?

So I’m 23. I’m interested a guy who is 33. He has been married and divorced and he has a child from her, who is 2. I honestly didn’t think much of it initially because I like kids, it could take pressure off of me needing to have one if he and I do end up being together (since I’m unsure if I want to pop one out myself)... but when he and I were first talking today he said so you do know I have a kid right? And you’re okay with that?
Also I dated a guy with a 4 year old before and he didn’t tell me until the 2nd date and he said, so there is something that could ruin all of this and make you want to end it but I have to tell you and he told me he had a child.

Am I missing something more and should I really be reconsidering? What are things to consider when dating someone with a child (besides the child is their number 1 priority and takes up a great deal of their time and money?)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Im a father with full custody ofa (now fully grown) child, and I appreciate the problems this can cause while dating.

    Besides the fact, as you mentioned, that the child must be their priority, and that priority can affect a lot of things, dates, vacations, purchases etc. There are other issues.

    He may expect you to help him raise the child at some point. That would make you a mother before you're ready to be one.

    There's baby mama drama. The child's mother can create all kinds of drama if she wants to. This can range from criticizing your parenting, and trying to deny him parental rights as a result, to dropping the kid off without notice just as you're about to go on vacation.

    Later on, when that kid becomes a teenager, you you'durprised how much that kid can do to hurt you. "You're not my mother, you can't tell me what to do!" Is a frequent refrain.

    That said, it can be done and doesn't always turn out that way if everyone involved tries to act like an adult.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's important the kid likes you, or at least doesn't mind you around.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • One thing to consider is that, unless she's deceased, the child's mother will remain in the guy's life at least to some extent until the child is an adult. Not in a romantic/sexual relationship, but the guy will have to at least sometimes communicate with her and agree to arrangements, education/medical decisions, etc.

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  • It is a huge deal. Kids are not just something to take lightly. Even if your just seeing them a few times a week. Someday you will have to take full care of it.

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  • Well you can't date him and just do it for just the guy, that kid would start to see you as a mother figure so not taking that seriously could ruin not just him but the kid too, you can make the kid get attached and hope he has a new mother and then just leave

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  • Not really, if you are ok with it. There are people who were parents at 16

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  • only a big deal if u think it is

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  • Well, chances are being relatively young you will be at two completely different stages of your life. I'm sure you will want to go out with friends and your SO and he won't have the same energy level to go out or won't have a baby sitter. Then he prolly also has a developed career where you are more likely to be just starting out and it will limit you drastically on where you can start and develop your career because he will be tied to one specific area to be around his child

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    • He goes out more than me lmao, I am not a huge partier. And he is developing his career too, where he’s at now isn’t where he plans to be forever. Since he moved here from another country I think he started later as well.

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