She tells me she has feelings for me but then friend zones me. What?

Question

She tells me she has feelings for me but then friend zones me. What?

Anonymous

Alright guys, this is a first for me and I think I kinda know what's happening here but I want other opinions. So I broke up with my current girlfriend about 3 weeks ago. It was mutual. We make better friends than lovers. However, she's still living with me while she looks for a new living situation, so it's kinda awkward. Anyway, I have this co-worker that started talking to me, and she's pretty cool. Anyway, we hit it off, and we stayed up until 4 a. m. one night just talking and joking and we ended up saying that we liked each other but I'm not trying to rush back into a relationship and I still gotta get this thing with my ex situated before anything else. She agrees and tells me she completely understands and it happens when it happens. So we decided to just keep being what we are until I'm ready to ask her out.

A couple days go by, and I figured things would be the same by joking around and texting each other stupid things and play pushing each other. However, she didn't really want to text me as much, didn't really seem interested in anything I was trying to say to her, and just pretty much distancing herself from me. So I finally went up to her and asked her if it was awkward for her to be around me because of the conversation we had that night. She told me that wasn't the case, but she thought about it and said she thinks we should just stay friends because she doesn't want anything bad to happen between us and then she'd lose me. (Y'know, the classic friend zone line) So I said alright and asked what changed her mind if she didn't mind sharing. She said that she just felt that she needs more friends and she doesn't really think she needs a boyfriend at the moment. I told her I appreciated her honesty, and told her I felt that we do have a connection and if she's ever interested again, then I'd love to see where it can go. She seemed like she wasn't really sure what to say, so she just said okay. That's it lol. So what happened guys?

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brodiewilson82 · Answer 1 · 2018-05-03T21:06:50Z

brodiewilson82

It could very well be a issue with being scared or shy don't take it as a bad thing just brush it off and wait until she is ready

Asker

Yeah I'm not being pushy or anything about it. I'm just treating her the same way I did. That's why I threw the ball in her court

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brodiewilson82

Yeah it may take time honestly it could very well take years but her emotional and mental security are a lot more important than any relationship at all because that could end at any time if she felt like you were trying to rush her or something like that because then she could possibly start feeling like you wanted to get together just to get something out of the relationship just for you

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Asker

Oh yea, agreed. I'm not trying to hurt her. That's why I was honest. I'm sure my ex living with me is also a good contributing factor to her distancing herself from me. Plus, she over thinks things a lot. I want her to be okay.

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brodiewilson82

It may not necessarily be that she's over-thinking things it could very well be that she's trying to mentally and emotionally process all the possible outcomes in case something were to go bad honestly it's better if two people take a lot of time to figure out and decide fully whether or not they want to have a relationship rather than just say hey would you like to go out with me sure okay

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brodiewilson82

Honestly the X could have a lot to do with it because it may cause an insecurity of her thinking that with you guys living together there could still be an intimate connection while you're telling her that you're interested in her so I mean it could be many things

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Asker

I hear you on that. That's why I want to go slow and not rush things.

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Asker

And yeah, it does seem weird for me to be telling her I like her too while I have my ex here. Which is why I haven't done anything about it.

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Anonymous · Answer 2 · 2018-05-03T21:04:11Z

Anonymous

Maybe she likes you but she's scared of the outcome

Asker

I think that may be the case. I already made up my mind to ask her out once I get all this stuff situated and I'm ready to date again. It just seems weird for someone to stay up all night with you, tell you they have feelings, and then say nevermind lol.

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Opinion Owner

If she's done that more than once then you need to drop her like she doesn't deserve you if she's gonna keep changing her mind like that

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Asker

No. It was only that one night. We haven't really texted like that since that night. Which makes me think that she is really just scared and just trying to keep her distance.

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Opinion Owner

I think you guys should just get together and talk about it, tell her how you're feeling and that you're there for her and you just wanna figure things out. You just gotta vent to each other basically

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Asker

In a way we kinda did when she "friend zoned" me and I told her if she feels like she wants to see where things go, to let me know. After that, things seemed like they were back to normal, but she's basically just keeping contact with me at work. Not even texting. So I decided to leave the feelings talk be until my current situation is settled. I don't wanna seem like I'm obsessed with it.

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Anonymous · Answer 3 · 2018-05-03T21:02:01Z

Anonymous

eh you're not good enough for her!

Asker

I know that lmao

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She tells me she has feelings for me but then friend zones me. What?

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