Is it best to give space after a break up? Is it bad to show how much you care by expressing your feelings?

My boyfriend told me last week he needs to be platonic right now bc he is depressed/feels off. Seeing a counselor. He can’t seem to tell me what our future looks like anymore bc he feels so confused about himself. I wanted some clarity but didn’t get much. Just got teary in front of him and now I regret that. I told him it was hard bc I know what I want and he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Is asked him why he couldn’t just tell me he didn’t want to be with me and he said bc that’s not the prob. The prob is I’m depressed. I suggested us taking space. He told me he wants to still hang out and be friends while he’s working through this and I said I’d see if I could. Luckily, i am going away for a couple of weeks. Is it best to just have no contact during this time? Was it ok to open up my feelings to him? I feel like I was all over the place bc I just can’t even formulate my thoughts. But did my best.

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  • I think you handled it well. It's good that you opened up your feelings to him, since that shows you do really care.

    For the time being, I agree it's best to have limited contact with him. Don't completely ignore him, but don't start texting him either. Be there for him if he wants you there, is basically the main point.

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    • Ok thank you! I just worry that I was so teary and didn’t have my thoughts together clearly. I said I just feel we had come so far for it all to be gone. He said why do you always think to the negative 😬. He said it’s not you. I have to figure out myself before I can be good in a relationship. It’s just all so uncertain and unnerving. But he did call me after that convo to wish me safe travels, so maybe it went ok?

    • It really is a battle he has to fight himself. Like he said, this is about him. It's not like you did anything wrong.

      Think of it like this. He is sitting in a boat together, and he notices it has started sinking. Slowly but surely, it is filling up with water. He is trying like crazy to get the water out, but he can only really fix it if he finds where the water is getting in. He has no idea where the boat is headed, since he is 100% focused on trying to prevent it from sinking (aka this is why he doesn't know what the future looks like). This is also why he needs some time alone. If you are in that boat with him, he won't be able to focus on where the water is getting in. He first wants to fix it, before he unintentionally drags you down with him.

      I hope that analogy makes it a little easier to understand his situation, or more importantly, what it feels like to him.

  • Being depressed doesn't mean a person doesn't care for you, they are internally suffering, and they know that could be a burden to anybody that is close to them. So sometimes they prefer the "I'll take a step back" option to avoid you having to feel as "bad" as they do.

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  • Give tons of space
    Don't express feelings

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