Have you ever had a friend deliberately get in the way of you dating someone (i. e. another friend, their roommate, etc.)?


I'm a little annoyed with a friend/co-worker of mine at the moment because she has made it clear that she does not want me forming a relationship with her male roommate. For the record, they're not dating/FWB/etc. just roommates, and while it's obvious he likes her, she says she doesn't feel the same.

Backstory:
- I dated a co-worker who made my friendship with my friend/co-worker very uncomfortable. He blatantly brought her into the middle of our relationship (asking her questions about our relationship, saying hateful comments to her about how she was the reason we broke up). He brought her in the middle, which made her not want to be put in the middle ever again. She told me she never wants me to talk about my ex to her again.
- She initially told her roommate that he and I would be perfect together, and even gave him permission to ask me out on a date. My ex then stirred up things, and she openly forbid her roommate and I from communicating with one another. For instance, he messaged me when she had supposedly told him to no longer talk to me, and she flipped shit. He liked a post of mine on Instagram, and she was in an uproar. She told me she talked to him and said that "it would never happen again"

From my friend's perspective, I get where she's coming from in that she doesn't want to be put in the middle again, but at the same time, we are all adults and we all make our own decisions. Out of respect, I've kept my distance from him.

Now she's started talking to some guy, and now all she does is talk about him (what she should say, that they had a date, etc.), and I'm getting irritated because A) I'm not allowed to talk about my ex (who we work with and manages to keep rearing his head), and B) I'm forbidden from communicating with her roommate, and I don't out of respect for her.

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  • Well, from what I see, it shouldn't be any of her business what you and her roommate do. They are not married. You are her friend, but there's a line where it becomes selfish on her end. If you two really want to date eachother, it's not really her call. And obviously you have some resentment because why does she get to date someone while you "can't" date the one you want. And so you're pissed at her, understandably.

    But, I also understand where she is coming from, though, because if things go south with you two, she has to go home to him and also potentially hear it from you. And that's an uncomfortable situation.

    So, I get it. From both sides. Y'all need to sit down and talk abut this. Really be honest about it and get it out.

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    • It's a difficult situation, for sure, especially since there's no budging from her side. I haven't even brought up my anger about the whole thing with her, because she'd just give me attitude about it. I prefer to avoid conflict as much as possible, so I've just tried to let it go. :(

    • Yeah, but that could just lead to more resentment on your end. Unless it doesn't, and you realize something. But, I know confrontation is uncomfortable, but so is keeping things bottled up and feeling all of those feelings towards a friend.

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