Should I wait for him to come back to me while I am striving hard to become a better self?

I had a boyfriend and we were together for 4 years. But suddenly one day he burst out about our no communication problem and we broke up. Half year later, he started dating a mutual friend whom he had treated as a sister. I say all the stupid things to try to salvage our relationship and of course it didn't work. He told me we are of wrong time, he will not come back to me and his feelings for me had faded. I still have strong feelings for him and i want him to come back to me. So i told him to be my close friend. Due to some personal relations, i got to know that the girl is complaining that my ex is bringing her to dinner at places that we used to go and that she doesn't like. He even ordered food that we used to eat and told her those are food that we liked and ate. When she told him about it, he asked to give him time and that he have not forgotten about me. She was fed up and started to be the one deciding where to go instead and have outing with her friends that he seems to be disinterested. When in front of me he appears to be alright and quite close to her.(We have other mutual friends and have group outing.) I heard is that she had changed herself for him (her style of clothing and some of her pattern). They have been together for about two months now but i heard she is wondering if he even loves her and that he seems not to be serious about her. Cause he ask her if he could continue to contact me, she said she don't feel comfortable about it but he said that she don't trust him as much as i did. So she had no choice but to agree. He even told her that he still have not forgotten about me, he will need to continue to contact me and maybe even meet me. I heard all these from a reliable source. However how he had treated me is a total opposite to all that i heard. He is not really replying to my messages. He seems to be going hot and cold on me. When i ask him out, he either told me he had other arrangement or no reply. What is he thinking? What should i do?

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15

Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like a classic case of jumping into a relationship after a break up without really being over the prior relationship.

    But no, he seemed serious about not wanting to continue to seee you.. even if he still has strong feelings for you. Don’t wait for him. If he decides to ask you to get back together, THEN decide.

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    • Yes. I guess thats how it sounds like.
      What makes you think that he is serious about not wanting to continue to see me? Since that wasn't what he has told his current girlfriend.

      I am a emotional person, so it is really hard for me to let go of relationships. I know it isn't good for me to wait. But i just couldn't help myself. I am really deeply hoping that he will come back to me that i am trying to find out if there is any way possible..

      Sorry if i am giving you trouble, i don't have any guy friends that i can ask this about. I want to know guys perspective of this. Since i won't know how guys think.

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What Girls & Guys Said

14
  • Give him space and try. Don't message or bug him to much. Let him miss you and come to you.

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    • I am trying to do that. But you know the kind of fear you will feel that if you don't do anything, he will go further and further from you?

    • Sometimes that might happen if you do anything or don't do anything it can push him away both ways. Sometimes over doing it can be worser then not doing nothing at all. It's the risk you take.

    • So i guess not doing anything much will be the better option to take here. I wish there is something that i can do that increase the chances of him coming back to me..

  • LEAVE him? He broke up with you and there was probably some reason you just didn't see. Now, he is trying to be with someone new, which you want to interfere. It is his life, not yours. Forcing attention and yourself to his life, only make his new girlfriend argument to stop meeting with you.

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    • Do you even actually understand the situation? I am not even doing anything. But he keeps telling her that he can't forget about me and she is questioning if he even love her or is he even serious about her?

  • Okay so I'm gonna shit on your parade here. Your relationship status clearly looks like "it's complicated" to me. In these kinds of situations the best thing to do is NOT wait around hoping he'll come back. Live your life. Go on dates with other people. See if you click with others. There is no such thing as a soulmate. There are many people out there that will have compatibility with you. If you wait around for him and it turns out he's not interested, you'll regret waiting.

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    • Hahaha. It's all right. If i am being open about this, it means i am willing to accept any words that comes except for those that misunderstand it.

      Yes. Complicated. Which is why i am here to ask for advise. I am hoping that he will come back but i am not exactly waiting around. I am also trying hard on living my life while being hopeful about him coming back. Not exactly a soulmate. More like a person whom accept you the way you are. Not asking you to change and love you for yourself. That was how my relationship was with him. I am hopeful cause of the way that he is treating his girlfriend now. Which is why i am asking other guys view on this. I am curious as to what he was actually thinking.

  • I agree with trinity. You pushing yourself on to him drives him away and might be the real reason in the first place. It never works to try to get someone to act a certain way for you or towards you. Work on yourself. Make your self happy. Enjoy life without him. Learn to be you for you. Someone will notice and want to be with you.

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  • Just work on you for now
    Build a strong relationship with yourself. You focus is you.
    Be comfortable with who you are, what you bring to the table
    If it's meant to be , it will happen.
    Good luck in your journey and transformation.

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