Does it matter who says I love you first?

My boyfriend (30) and I (19F) have been dating for more than 6 months. I want to tell him I love him, but I'm nervous he doesn't feel the same way and that it will end up scaring him away. He told me that growing up his parents never said I love you to him so he's not used to it. Should I say it first, just to put it out there and so he knows how I feel or should I just wait for him I guess?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I was in a similar situation to you. My girlfriend was 29, I was 20 and she was the WAY more experienced partner, as in, I had no experience, plus her last relationship lasted a couple years and ended badly. I said I love you on the first date, promptly realized what I did, backtracked like a motherfucker and uncharacteristically saved it like a pro. And then said it again no-backtrack two weeks later, which was, quote, "sweet, weird but sweet", which I took as a good sign. And it was. She said it finally five months later.
    It doesn't really matter who says it first, just know that the response could vary and it may not be said back for quite a while. Being new to adult relationships and a hopelessly hopeless romantic, I didn't consider this at first and it sort of hurt but I realize now she had to get to a place where she felt safe around me and she wouldn't be hurt again. She likely felt it before, just didn't want to go through all that again.
    And also as stated, I'm the hopeless romantics of hopeless romantics. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. Even if you do say it and things fall apart, is it not better that it happen now rather than anymore of your time be wasted? Take the plunge.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • For me, it doesn't matter who said it first. Just say it if that's what you feel. If it scares him away, it only means he doesn't deserve the love you have for him and he's a coward. As what the saying goes, "The truth will set you free." It's better to let him know how you feel. But I hope everything goes well though 😊

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What Girls & Guys Said

1646
  • I wouldn't say it for confession sake. You're already dating. However if there's a moment where you feel that love strongly and can't hold it in, go for it. Clearly he did something worth loving him for and deserves to hear it in that moment.

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  • 6 months is already long.
    Tell him without fear.
    Maybe encourage him by telling him you would like to hear it from him when he's ready, even if it takes him some time.

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  • I would wait a little longer. He said that stuff to you about his parents so it must be difficult for him.

    I DEFINITELY wouldn’t say something like “i think i might love you” or something like that, since that sounds doubtful and to hear that as someone who’s never really heard i love you’s it’s not a good idea.

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  • It's not matter how says first but the thing really matter is what u get in respond... I think u should wait and wait for right time.. it's only 6 months and he is very mature than u and I m afraid that u not get hurt if u not get expected reply... so I think be patient and let time decide when to say.. it's better he say to u in a relation where there is age difference

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  • We were lucky and both reached the moment where we had to say it at the same time. It was nerve wracking but if he's not there yet, and you enjoy your time together, it doesn't need to be a relationship ender.

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  • The first thing i know what that feels because I im like that (like your BF) and is very weird to some one give you love when you never experiencie that in your childhood buut go ahead he will not get scare maybe he will be like very serius but by the time he will make the step and tell you what you wana hear but rember is a process and is not like "I love you" and puff everything is fine he will be feel weird but he will like it if he enjoy the time whit you go ahead dont ask💖Good look

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  • I've been scared in the past to say the l word to girls I've dated, I will easily admit that. However my longest relationship (1.5 years til she cheated on me) she said it first while drunk and then in the morning told me it while sober again. I've never been that happy than I was at that moment. It doesn't matter who says it first, it just matters that you mean it.

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  • To be honest I'm more concerned about the age gap. However I do believe you should wait for him to say it because he also never really heard it before but I still dont think hed leave you saying it 1st it's a 50 50 split let him say it and you're in the clear given the context

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  • Everybody's different. Some people want it (to be said) but have been jaded by other people's empty words. Others don't feel super strongly in any relationship. Every relationship has a culture of its own, and it's more important for you to determine where your relationship is at and where it is going than exactly how it gets expressed. Once you're sure where you stand, them you can change how you stand.

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  • We're not involved, so we don't know this guy, but if you know in your heart and soul you do say it. If he is a fake and it scares him away you are saved. Maybe he is afraid of the same thing you feel? I'm not there. All I know is if it doesn't feel right it probably isn't and if the other acts strange, then maybe it's a, duh!

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  • Just wait for him girl. He's more mature than u I suppose bc of his age. So it's better for him to take the initiative than u kinda ruining it. He might have an idea of when to tell u u just need to wait for the right moment

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  • My opinion is, first of all you have to be honest with your partner and secondly as its written his parents didn't tell him, so he needs it. In a relationship or any other communications you have to be fair and honest that way you won't feel sorry for yourself later on😉

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  • Love is a just a word! Action speaks way louder then you just saying I love you. Show me, by being loyal, honesty and respect my mind, body and heart. Make me feel like I am the one. That's saying you love a person. Action!

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  • Say it as long as you mean it and don't let anything deter you from expressing your feelings for him. If he's not comfortable enough to say it, then be patient, I'm sure he will in time.

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  • Ehm.. if you have dated for 6 months you shouldn't be afraid of telling him.
    Do you really think he would date you if he didn't love you?

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  • I'm with everyone else except the ding dong that needs to grow up that says its creepy. Go for it girl. Life's to short. Tomorrow is not promised.😎

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  • If you feel it.. just Say it.. why to wait..

    But check if 11 years of age difference wouldn't really matter.. most of the cases just a 5 year gap, would bring a generation difference.

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  • If you end up scaring him away then is he there right person? He would respect that instead of getting scared. If you feel it, you should tell him. It's upto him to react. Good luck!

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  • Yes... It matters because that person will be the weaker partner and the onus on keeping the relationship going will be purely on him.

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  • My question is why are you dating a guy 11 years older than you.. thats creepy af

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    • Age is a number. Not creepy.

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    • I apologize i was perhaps too harsh

    • That’s good. I hope you have a good evening

  • Wait for him to. I know it's hard to wait, but it's the smart thing to do.

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  • Just wait for him. Dont tell him. It'll make him want you even more

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  • Doesn't make a difference if the relationship had a future

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  • I think you should say you love him and I assure you he will love you back. Because he might be nervous to say he loves you and you would run away.

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  • You say it if you feel it. I did with my current wife. It worked out for me. I was really nervous but it was great.

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  • Maybe he really don't feel the same. Because the love , when both of you love, you don't afraid to say love you.

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  • Yes go for it.. if he didn't love u he wouldn't date u

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  • Its much better for the relationship if the girl says it first

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  • it shouldn't matter. if you know you love them you should have the confidence to tell them

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  • Say it. It doesn’t matter who says it first

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  • It doesn't matter. Go ahead and say it.

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  • That is a big age difference

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  • Go for it. Life is full if risks.

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  • It doesn't matter

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  • nope it doesn't matter

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  • Tell him just so that he knows

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  • No it doesn't matter.

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  • No, it doesn't.

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  • I would just go for it

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  • I wouldn’t think so.

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  • No guy will be very happy if you say it first

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  • Hi I

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  • R u very serious

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  • Not really

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  • It shouldn't matter

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  • Don't do it

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  • I say no, as long as its not said to quickly.

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  • No i think

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  • No it dose not.

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  • As lonv as u both say it it doesn't matter

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