Need to vent. like what did I do wrong?

Hi y’all.

So I don't know what I did wrong.
Earlier my boyfriend called and let me know he was going to be home late. I kind of a bit crabby cause I been at home all day with our 2 week old baby and I just really needed a break. After the call I text him apologizing for me being crabby explaining i am just tired and I appreciate him calling to tell me. (No text back)

He then gets home and I’m sitting on the couch. I tell him his dinner is in the fridge. He comes over and says how was my day. I said good and looked up and he was trying to give me a kiss, I went to kiss him back and he moved and said fine I’m not dealing with your attitude. I didn’t come home to deal with it. I said what are you talking about I said my day was good and went to give you a kiss back. He just walked away and I said Can I have a kiss and he said no. Wouldn’t give me and I finally went and sat on his lap and kissed him.

He then gets on his phone and plays games.

I’m just sitting here fighting back my tears. I been waiting for him to come home and he acts this way. I didn’t have an attitude all I said was my day was good and noticed he was tryna give me a kiss and went to give one back and he says I have an attitude and refuses to give me one because “my attitude”? I just don’t understand.

I don't know what to do. I just feel down. Like what did I do now... how do I act with him now? Like I feel like he wants nothing to do with me.

I might be a bit emotional cause I’m extremely tired, but why is he acting like this? I didn’t do anything wrong. Now I feel down and I don’t want him to sense me “having an attitude” I just realistically want to cry. I guess I just wanted him to come home being sweet and he was at first but now it just weird.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Firstly, having a baby is as stressful for him as it is for you and he has to go to work and deal with the stresses there too.

    You said you were crabby with him on the phone and while that is understandable if you're tired, in his mind he will have felt unappreciated - he goes out to work with a lack of sleep, tells you he's going to be late and instead of the sympathy he expected, he gets attitude. I can guarantee at that point that he felt completely unappreciated.

    Then when he gets home, he's told his dinner is in the fridge. He asks how's your day and you say fine - you didn't ask how his day was. So to his tired mind, it seems like you don't care about him.

    Remember men have feelings too. New fathers are as tired as new mothers. I know, I have done it twice!

    Just apologise to him for seeming to be uncaring - say you know he was tired but you were tired too and your brain wasn't working.

    You will work it out and I can guarantee it's not a big thing. You'll probably have forgotten about it by next week!!

    • But he wasn’t going to be home late cause Work. It’s cause he went to go to his football league. And I couldn’t even had asked about his day cause right when I went to give him kiss after I said mine was good he walked away saying I had an attitude.
      I always make his dinner and put it in the fridge and I wanted him to see it.

      I know he has feelings and I do so much for him as it is. I just want some things in return.

    • You've had my answer - you can make as many excuses as you want but as I said I have been in his shoes, metaphorically speaking, twice.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Along with what others have said, give yourself a break. You are flooded with new hormones and still healing from the birth.

    Things will get easier. Your baby will eventually find a routine and you will be able to get some sleep.
    There are a number of books like “101 conversation starters for couples” that might help the two of you talk more. Also check out the five languages of love. Every couple can benefit for better communication.

    • We talk and stuff but I just think I’m tired. I just crave his attention and I don’t get it very often. He’s sweet and occasionally helps with the baby but I do so much for him. I ask to cuddle he says no. I ask to sleep together he says no. I ask to go out and hangout with me he doesn’t want to. It gets to the point where I give up.

      When I was pregnant I worked full time, came home, cooked, cleaned and even occasionally rub his feet at night as he’s a warehouse worker.
      I wake up everyday at 430 to wake him up for work and walk him to the door to kiss him bye. I still do it now with the baby and I’m exhausted but do it. I take care of the baby all day and I’m exhausted and make dinner and make sure the house is all clean. Make sure he has his energy drinks for Work and a lunch.

      Girl, I’m tired. I don’t ask for much. I don’t. So, him coming home and dissing me saying I have an attitude hurt me, because I didn’t n I been waiting for him. the night is awkward and he’s sleep now.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • It sounds like you're both extremely tired with a newborn baby in the house. If you can have a relative watch the baby for a few hours and just go get some dinner or take a walk with him and talk it out.

    • I’ve tried that. I begged him let’s go do something on his day off and he didn’t want to get out the house. I told him if we can see a movie and he said no he doesn’t want people to watch the baby.

    • That sounds like a problem tbh. You guys are going to need to have a date night at least every month or so or things are gonna get even more tense. Try having a convo about that with him- ask why he doesn't want someone watching the baby, express what you're worried about, and stress that you want to make this relationship success

  • It’s miscommunication


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