Would you date somebody that is rude to their mother?

I never had an issue with somebody being rude to their own mother, until the last person I dated. That was a huge red flag. I witnessed her yelling at her mother about her mother moving (tidying up) her stuff. In all fairness, she was living in her parents house, who also paid for her 3 degrees and any vehicle she's ever driven. So I thought, if you would be rude to your mother over something small, I know you would be mean to me later on down the line.

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  • Nope. If a person can't respect his own mother then how can I expect him to respect me.

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  • That is definitely a red flag.

    Even if your mom's a bitch, that doesn't mean it's okay to treat her like one. She's still your mom.

    Respect isn't a two way street sometimes, but it doesn't go off and on from the same side. Either they are respectful or they aren't. If they don't respect her, they won't respect me.

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  • Depends. If it's a happy non-divorced family and the person is rude for no reason - don't date her! If the mother was I don't know, a drug abuser during the persons childhood and now the person is rude - in my opinion the rudeness is understandable in this case.

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    • Both parents work professional jobs and have always been married. They're a family of nerds.

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    • I'm not sorry. It was the most hectic situationship I ever experienced. I finally had my one bad relationship I've heard others talk about. Just made me a lot more cautious about anybody else.

    • Wellp then you are the opposite of me, still waiting for my one good one xD bwahaha... wellp, good luck out there, dont lose hope.

  • I guess it depends. If it was something I only witnessed once, I'd wait and see if they ever apologized. Everyone is rude to their parents sometimes, but if they never show any remorse or it happens over and over again without much instigation, that would be a serious red flag.

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  • No, I would not date such a person.
    There is a difference between standing up for myself when parents are being unreasonable and putting me down, and when I'm yelling at them for no good reason because I take them for granted.
    Parents are people as well, they are not perfect, they do make mistakes.
    And some of them do make pretty poor judgments.
    But screaming and being rude to them does not make things better.

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  • Huge red flag.
    It really highlighted how badly a boyfriend was treating me after I stood back and realised how badly he was treating his mother. I broke it off with him and then he threatened to kill me and he ended up stalking me for awhile. I feel sorry for any woman who ends up with that bastard.

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  • Depends on the situation, like the one you described of a spoiled brat, I wouldn't be attracted to them to begin with. But some of us have the misfoturne of having dysfunctional, crazy, narcississtic, dismissivr, abusive.. you name it, parents and being rude to such parent is a natural defensive act when they drive to the edges of pain and insanity.

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  • I would never date someone like that. For most people, their mother is the person that will love them the most and the longest. How they respond to that unconditional love is a huge indicator of the kind of person they are.

    Anecdotally, I went out with a guy who wouldn't pick up when his mother called him, or wouldn't call her back. It didn't come as a surprise when he started leaving me on read and taking days to reply to messages.

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    • Errr well excuse me, that’s what women do aswell, it’s called having a life instead of clutching at your mobile 24/7. No one should have to put up with neediness, if you aren’t getting a reply, he’s just not that into you because you’re not interesting anymore. Women can’t blame themselves can they? They are responsible for the upbringing of their sons and daughters 🙄

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    • I'm not angry but it's your own fault for jumping to conclusions without all the facts. And I was there. I literally watched him ignore calls from his mother because he wasn't bothered. Obviously when he did the same to me later it wasn't a surprise.

    • so he was with you, as I thought that explains why. I never talk to my mother on the phone infront of anyone else, its private and as i said before if im with my partner i value our time together. I don't think he was cynically ignoring her and when you dont get answers or late replies its because he was someone else and he valued that persons time. Women do exactly the same thing, they answer when they can and if they are not interested in a guy they will answer days late.

  • Yep, huge red flag. It's possible you caught her at an unusually bad moment, but it sounds like a huge warning sign. And what's up with her parents paying for three degrees? Mine were generous enough to help with undergrad, but I paid for my other two degrees with scholarships, student loans, and work. It sounds like she is very spoiled and immature and would be terrible to live with.

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  • You shouldn't be rude to anyone! I don't have a good relationship with my mum, so I don't see or speak to her. There's no need for nastiness. I had a few negative comments towards her when I was younger, and still affected by her reckless actions. But it's incredibly bratty to kick off at a mother that loves and want to help you!

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  • I pay attention to how people treat others in general. It makes a huge difference. I understand relationships may be rocky based off things that have happened before I came into the picture, but I can't actively ignore someone being unjustifiably rude to anyone for no reason. Especially not their own mother.

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  • My mother told me that she regrets having me and a couple of years ago she sided with my psychopath of a sister who tried to literally kill me.

    These are just two examples of my all around horrible treatment from my family.

    Please don't judge me, if I refuse to e cordial with her.

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    • A lot of people here are so judgmental without knowing the facts. Me personally, I would ask my partner why they yelled and if I feel she answered me calmly and honestly I’d be attracted to that. A good smart intelligent guy would not judge you. My own mother however much I love her and respect her, has been totally horrible to girls in front of me who had an interest in me and they then never spoke to me again (before this they said how lovely my mother is). She does and says what she wants without a care to me and others. My married brother’s wife hated my mother even before they got married. I lived with my mother for 4yrs after my degree before I found my own, as you know it takes strength and solidarity and my partner will value it. Divorce is a sad road for the ones who judge badly.

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    • that is very sad to hear about the way your family treated you, every family has their moments so you aren't alone, some people here are too self-riteous to admit there's are as bad. It's good that you are able to separate your partner from your family like that but unfortunately for me, as you can see from the comments its important for a lot of girls that her partner has a 'decent' family network and so i put some effort in by yelling at my mother and she's got better. What my brother's wife did was the ultimate shame, she like you has blocked my parents and even myself from their kids. They are doctors and i am 4years younger and single yet I am more wealthy then they are lol.. unfortunately the aspect of blocking us made my brother depressed and wanted anti-depressants. Will i block my parents, i dont think so out of self-respect.

    • @Sociopathvictim I'm really sorry to hear that. I am glad that you are taking steps to correct your mother, though. Best of luck finding someone. I don't mind a partner having a bad family as long as he's a good person, but that's me.

  • No never, regardless the reason.
    Just because she is a wicked bitch, I want a man that lives above that mentality and rather him not socialize with her just check up on her and when holidays happen stop by to say hi.
    A good man would not waste his time, energy, effort to be rude. He would hold his head high and allow her to carry on how ever she is...

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  • No I wouldn't. Yes Moma's can get on our nerves and even piss us off but it's Moma. Moma is Moma and it's best to love her for who she is.
    I could understand a person not speaking to their mom if she was a horrid mother who put them in danger, etc as a kid.

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  • It would be a concern for sure, but I also believe there'd be a reason for it. Who knows how the mother has treated her in the past for example. You've got to look deeper than the surface because I'm sure there's A LOT there! But yes, it shows a different side of her for sure, one you have to keep in mind and think about no doubt.

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  • You're right. Your parents are your first and closest relationships, they shape you and how you would act in future relationships. How you treat your parents ays a lot about your character, cause eventually the honey moon phase fades and your left with just yourself and your partner and not much to sugarcoat it. If he's unecessairily rude to his mother, most likely will be the same to me later in the relationship. Unless I know the mother is abusive or something, its a huge turn off.

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  • I definitely consider it a red flag. If she's unreasonably upset and rude / immature, she probably isn't ready to be married. In marriage, stuff gets moved all the time, by necessity.

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  • No. Being rude to their mother shows just how unpleasant they are at home. If they can't be nice to the person who raised them, how do you expect them to be nice to you in the future?

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  • You can tell by the way your significant other treats their parents how they will treat you. If they gossip and just put them down when they're not ariund, they'd likely do that to you too.

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  • Some parents are abusive and it is bad form to project your loving relationship onto others.

    If she acts this way to others, then sure, but some people barely survived their childhoods and a bad relationship with their parents could be the parent's fault.

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    • Then leave. Don't fight fire with fire. What does that show they will do if they don't like something you do? Staying with abusive parents, and just repaying their behavior back at them, is not a good show of character, no matter how understandable the sentiment may be.

  • I'm quite rude to my mother eventhough i love her as a mother, i still live with my parents and im 30 for reason i won't discuss here. I wouldn't like it if someone yelled at their mom while i were present for many reasons, its very immature thing to do infront of friends and other family members, i get very angry if id have to be in-between the two shouting. I would just rampage off the house and leave.

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    • by the way i never try to shout at my mother, but sometimes its un-avoidable (when no friends or other family members are around) she can be very toughat time and she has anger-management issues and sometimes its very hard to keep it all together.

  • It depends. In the situation that you are describing I wouldn't. But I can imagine that there are cases when I think that it is justified or something.

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  • In the situation you describe not ever.

    I have been in situations where the mother want really fit to be a mother, that would allow more movment on this rule.

    However as you describe it decent living parents should both be treated with the live and redirect they deserve.

    When someone's forgotten the debt of gratitude they owe and take the life totally for granted to the point of disrespecting the people that provided it. It's always a red flag.

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  • Well it depends on how rude. Usually the answer is no, but I get it parents can be annoying at times.

    I don't get along too well with my parents either because they have bad habits and my mom does pretty much the bare minimum to support the family.

    So yeah I understand the frustration with parents, but of course being spoiled or just lashing out at them for no good reason isn't right.

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  • My recent boyfriend that I am no longer with called himself a true gentleman. He was polite, opened doors for woman, and said Maam, please and thank you. Then the minute he was angry, felt disreoected, or unnappreciated he slammed doors on woman. They became bitch not Maam. He took what he felt he deserved without asking, and called his mother a cunt anytime she displeased or "bugged" him. I was fooled for months, but his true ungentlemenly self came out. Then he talked to me, the way he tlkd to his mother. And I realized that a man who wuld yell at, verbally assault, and put down the woman who gave birth to him, and supported him emotionally and financially, wuld not have one bit of guilt about doing worse to just his girlfriend. This type of person who has no reguard for thier loving family, will have absolutely no love or respect for you that is good.

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    • You’re so wrong, mothers can become a sons worst enemy. Mothers give up their children for adoption. Mothers go to abortion clinics. You think every woman is an angel? You have your own head stuck up your ass. As long as an action benefits a woman, it is perceived right in your eyes and wrong if against. A woman can manipulate, torture her own children to benefit her. A man will stand up for himself even if it’s against his own mother! All you’re telling us is that you upset him to the point where he was defending himself against you aswell! Think about why he called you a cunt? No one reacts like that unless you push them to their limit!

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    • You seem to be very opinionated. Thats ok, its America and we are all entitled to our opinion. Im not exactly sure why you feel the need to speculate so much about me or my relationship. I joined this site to get insight and feedback reguarding my relationship and my problems. And to help offer support or expierience to others when I can. You are basing your opinion on information that I have given about my relationship. I suppose that is why you may see things the way you do. I have a feeling that no matter what I would say you would come back at me with some more opinions that I may or may not like. Please do not pretend to know me, my boyfriend, our relationship, or his family on a personal level. You dont. As for your insight, I often think about mistakes I may have made or things I can work on to improve this relationship if it can move forward, or eventually a new one. None of us are perfect, and all I can do is the best I can. Thats all any of us can do.

    • As for my role as a supportive partner, I took on all financial responsibility while we waited for his unemployment. I also got him his new job that he currently has. His Mother and the rest of his family were very supportive and he was in a very emotional state at this time. However he always leaned on me, and there was a time in our relationship that I leaned on him. He admitted to his temper, and apologized for his abuse to me when I left. He asked for my help in getting treatment for himself, and although we are not together I go with him to appts and continue to help him with the household responsibilitys. He also did the same for me when I fell on hard times. As for stabbing him in the back, I think this sight is for people to ask questions and hopefully find useful suggestions or opinions to help us work through any problems we may have.

  • People who live together will fight eventually, even over small unnecessary things. They just get fed up over time until at some point it bursts out.

    I would date her, but be somewhat more cautious, about the way she interacts with people.

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    • Almost everyday she stated somebody irritated her, and told me she is 90% incompatible with people

  • Nope.
    My momma always said
    "If a man don't respect his mother, what makes you think he will respect you?"

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  • No. The way a person treats others reveals the way he is. I'm not waiting to end up being disrespected.
    That being said, if his mom is just a bad person then there is something to understand.

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  • No. He can't respect family, he won't respect me. I also wouldn't be the one to keep him from wanting or needing to be around his family

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  • No , there are somethings that you can get away with but being rude to your mother never. No matter how old you are the respect should always be there ,,..

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  • You can't expect any respect from anyone who disrespect their own parents.

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  • Depends on the relationship and what the mom is like herself, some moms may not be nice themselves. But if she is a good mother and their child is being rude to them for no reason, then no I wouldn't.

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  • *PLEASE READ* This is a diffacult subject for me but I want to help. My mom put me through almost hell. I really don't want to recall a lot of things about our relationship. I love my mother, but she made me suffer in ways really "only a mother could" don't push him off so quick. He really could be the most loving person you'll ever meet.

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  • Based on experience, guys I've dated who were rude to their mother were also not better in treating me or anyone else better. I know that most people go through that teenage rebellion phase when we all hated our parents, but not being able to mature past that is a probably a red flag.

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  • I think it really depends. Usually I would agree straight away, but my best friend's mom hates him because he's gay. So he obviously isn't fond of her. I think its important to know the backstory if there is any tension.

    And I know we should all have respect for the people who fed and clothed us, but in the real world, respect is earned. If I'm a working, thinking adult and my parents show me no respect, its going to be hard for me to show them any.

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    • I have not witnessed her parents being rude to her, but I doubt they would do anything in front of me. Also, she wasn't working. She was trying to apply to med schools

  • Nope. That’s a huge red flag. If he’s rude to his mom, he’d most likely be rude to me. And I don’t like the fact that someone could be so rude to someone who loves and cares for you.

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  • Was she white? Only white people can get away with shit like that. Also that's disgusting to be such a little bitch to your mother.

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  • Makes a lot of sense. But there again I would never date someone who does not own their own place and have a good job.

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    • Thats why you will die alone lol

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    • @Fuentes ps I own 12 houses, all bought outright cash, I also have various businesses and investments, so the last thing I need is a lazy or stupid man to come along and sponge off of me. Thanks for the advice but I THINK you need advice far more than I do. I have a great man already. And he works as hard and is as smart as me.

    • @Sociopathvictim Live off of men? You stupid person. I own a lot of houses and businesses and investments, all bought from the proceeds of my various businesses. Not from men. It is men who usually try to sponge off of me for money. Thankfully there are some men out there who work hard and are smart and good enough for me, who pay their way.

  • I don't think so. In fact, some years ago a guy was interested in a girl who was always pleasantly when he visited her. One day he came unexpectedly and caught her being rude to her mother. He promptly ended the relationship. He probably feared that
    I think I would, too.

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  • There's a saying about guys being rude to their mother is how they treat their relationship with girls. I think girls would apply to the father... hmm not sure.

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  • If the mom is a total bitch I wouldn't judge unless the daughter/son continued being an ass even when the mom tried being nice.

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  • It depends on the age of the woman and how long she's been living with her mother. Some people don't have good relationships with their parents,
    her being rude to her mother doesn't necessarily reflect on who she is.

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  • I advise against strongly judging someone based on what little you know of their relationship with another person, especially when you lack two decades of backstory that could potentially change your view of the entire situation.

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    • On a side note, even if she does live in her parent's house, they should also respect her privacy.

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    • I'm still lacking context (e. g., what the question and answer was, what the stuff her mother moved was), but there's no need to disclose too much personal information on the internet if you don't want to.

      Based off what little knowledge I have to go off, maybe she's a bit unstable for whatever reason.
      How did you start dating her?

    • We both share a similar medical condition, she has more conditions than me. So, it was to be supportive of one another.

  • Lol depends, on the story behind it, not everyone had ok parents some people had messed up life's because of their parents but if you had a nice life with a loving mother or father that is not OK, and they need to grow tf up quick

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  • No, and I won't tolerate such behavior from my own sons, even if they're from a mother who put me through a miserable divorce.

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  • Unless there mother was super abusive
    Then hell to the no
    If you dont respect your parents you won't respect me

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  • It isn't just about the one but also the combination of two. It is what I call action and reaction. Certain people or situations trigger the "dark side" of you. You also don't know what this person has been through in the past and behaves this exact way. I am very disrespectful of my parents and that's how it has to be, because they don't respect me either. I so wish things were different, but they're not. And I have to live with that. Also "having it all" is not a proof of anything, because it may be missing the most important thing, love. So never judge a book by its cover.

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  • nah fam... if theyre rude to their mom the woman who brought them into this world and does so much shit for them? nah... its a red flag this person will burn you in your sleep

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  • That is a massive warning sign. You drew the right conclusion.

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  • Dating someone who loves their mother is important. Unless they have a reasonable excuse to do so. Not something stupid like "my mom stole my vape i h8 her".
    I don't have much to say her, but if your interest respects their mother, i say go for it

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  • No. That's a red flag. You can tell a lot by how a person treats their mother. But of course it depends if they have a reason by how they act..

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