How can I deal with my mom guilt tripping me over having sex with my boyfriend?

I recently lost my virginity to my boyfriend. And when I first started having sex with my boyfriend, I lied to my parents and said I was going to be working an overnight shift at work because I knew how they would react. My boyfriend didn't like that my parents were being lied to, so I started being honest and for a little bit I felt better being honest. I would tell my parents I was going to spend the night at his house. Not that it's their business, but half of the time we don't have sex. Recently I got a UTI from having sex with my boyfriend. I work in the medical field so I know a UTI when I see one. We always use protection but I took a pregnancy test to make sure I wasn't pregnant even though I was 99% sure I wasn't pregnant. I was self diagnosing myself and I am paranoid so I knew it could be anything. Anyways, she found the pregnancy test info that was in the box that I carelessly left in plain sight. She didn't even give me a chance to say that of course we are using protection, but I knew it could be anything. Now every time I say I am going to spend time with my boyfriend, she does a fake laugh and says how I am going to get a UTI again. And when I don't go to his house and I stay home, she does this thing where she kind of congratulates me. My mom is also a huge gossip so I am convinced she has told the entire town. I would love to move but I can't right now.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • While your mom seems to be hinting a little immaturity, I can understand her attitude. You lied to her, and you had sex with your boyfriend (likely out of wedlock, which I'm guessing your mom didn't like). Oh, and you got a UTI. So, yeah. I can understand her not feeling good about you right now. She crossed the line gossiping to the entire town, though. The only thing I'd suggest is start saving some money and move out. That's what you should've done anyways before you had sex with your boyfriend. You're 18. The fact that you did all that while living with your parents means you had it coming. You're supposed to be making good decisions now that you are legally an adult (at least in all of US, if you weren't already at 16), but you're not.

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    • I understand her being worried. But I just started sex and it's completely normal if not expected, for a woman to get a UTI when she just lost her virginity. Doctor's call it honeymoon cystitis. Why do you think I lied to her? I only lied to her because I've known my mother for 20 years and I knew exactly how she would react. Me being honest about this does not and will not make a difference in how she feels. I don't give two shits about her not liking me having premarital sex. What I don't like is her thinking she actually has an opinion on this. Obviously I would save up and move out if I could. But I'm saving money for nursing school and nursing school will always come first.

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    • The hell? You weren't supposed to get mho. This fuckin site I swear

    • Well, EXCUSE me!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly I’d call her out on it. It doesn’t have to be aggressive, but just that you’re trying to maintain your adult privacy while still being honest with them and that seems to have generated this new form of slut shaming behaviour. I’m sure she doesn’t mean it like that, and is just trying to joke around but it’s not funny and you shouldn’t be made to feel like you’re doing anything wrong

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What Girls & Guys Said

39
  • A) dont lie to you're mom. Especially about sex. B) you're 20, you can make your decisions on your own, if she can't trust that then that's her problem. C) pee after sex to avoid getting UTI'S. D) if your mom gossips about your personal sex life i suggest moving away because that's is majorly uncool.

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    • Yeah I learned my lesson about UTIs. She found out I was having sex on a regular basis because I was in so much pain from the UTI, that she found me crying in my bathroom. I really don't want to lie to my mom but I really resent her for what she's doing because it makes me feel like shit. She makes me feel like my virginity was some sacred thing that I purposefully destroyed. She is constantly asking me about my sex life and there no doubt in my mind she is gossiping about my sex life. My dad knows but he trusts me and he doesn't care that I'm having sex. I can't even leave the house without her telling me to not put out on my way to the grocery store.

    • Then i suggest getting a job and leaving the house. No need for such an influence in your life.

    • I have a job but saving up for nursing school. I'm almost halfway to the amount I need. I am hoping to be accepted into a nursing school program where I will be able to be the apprentice to an RN. Being a nurse apprentice, I will be making twice as much and I will be able to move out. Until I am going to bear through it.

  • Next time she questions you just tell her she was young once too, I know it's hard to think about but your mum's probably done it all before, she shouldn't be guilting you.

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    • One more question. In a week, my boyfriend will meet my entire family and he is a nervous wreck. But my mom doing this to me honestly makes me feel like shit. I will literally tell her that I am going to run some errands and she will tell me to try not to put out on the way to the bank or grocery store or I'll get a UTI again. And now I am really resenting her for that. Should I tell my boyfriend about my mom making me feel like this? I'm not sure I should tell him about my mother's judgmental attitude and potentially make him more nervous or leave him in the dark about this.

    • Definitely tell him! At least he can prepare for a little awkwardness prior to meeting them, I hope everything goes well next week 😊

  • I would just ignore her or tell her nicely if you needed her opinion you'd ask for it. As far as Uti try using the bathroom right after sex that should help, itll sting a little but should help that is what my doctor had advised when I dealt with same issue.

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  • You’re 20, ur supposed to be sexually active. Who cares what ur mom thinks

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    • I wish I didn't care so damn much. But it just makes me feel like shit. I will literally tell her that I am going to the grocery store or the bank and she will say something like, "okay try to not put out on your way there or you'll get a UTI" She acts like my virginity was some sacred, precious thing and I ruined it.

    • I’m sure she had sex before she was married 🙄 tell her to not be a hypocrite

  • Any chance you could just tell her how this whole situation makes you feel?

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    • I could but she's so predictable I know she'll tell me she's doing this out of love. But honestly I can't even leave the house to go run errands without her telling me to avoid putting out or I'll get another UTI.

  • Own up to it. My mom and dad both backed off when I started "Over Sharing" details about my sex life. (Made a few up to.) It worked out for me though.

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  • Moms at times you can't stand them but you can't live without them

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  • by telling her your an adult do you tell me your sex life

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  • Just go and have sex with your dad, that’s a good revenge 😀😀

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  • ''She acts like my virginity was some sacred, precious thing''

    media0.giphy.com/media/6yzmNo3IwOLeM/giphy.gif

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    • What? Am I less of a human because I am no longer a virgin?

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    • LOL, you answered from the ego. As I said, try seeing it from the perspective of being a parent. Until you do that, you will not make any progress with your Mom.

      Nowhere was it suggested that sex was unnatural, or that no one else was having it. Ask yourself why you made that comment and where it came from...

    • Again. I don't care what my mom has to say. She gets zero influence on my sex life.

  • You’re a grown woman. You own your life now. 😊

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  • Any chance you could guilt trip her?

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