Third date with shy guy but he's dominant? Not sure if I'm too shallow or if he'd passive?

Okay so I went on two dates with this guy.
He's great! He's kind, he's a libra.
He can do a bit of grooming on himself but he's not horrible.
However he's super shy around me...
He's told me many times he thinks I'm attractive and recently told me he likes to be around me and likes me.

However he's super nerdy...
Shy and quiet as well.
You can tell he's not very sociable sometimes but he can do it. He's just not out there like I am with putting up conversations with strangers.

Not saying nerdy is bad because I am a bit nerdy too.
He pays for my food, plans dates and replies too all my text. We have a date coming up and we haven't kissed or held hands yet. He hasn't initiated anything because we'll... He's shy.

Am I being shallow? Or is this how passive guys really are? I'm inexperienced in dating and I haven't dated around with different personalities. Past guy I dated for 2 months was dominant/sociable. So this is a different.
  • You're being way too shallow
    Vote A
  • He seems passive but not too bad
    Vote B
  • Yeah he's too passive
    Vote C
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29

Most Helpful Guy

  • So what's the question? You didn't even state whether you liked him or not, or that you're not interested because of something about him.

    But no, it's not shallow, we all have different things we find attractive. It's not shallow to not date someone you don't find attractive, it's just logical.

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    • I like him to go on a third date with him. However he's passive/awkward. Also he could use a bit of grooming.

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    • I can't say specifically how he will feel, but I wouldn't mind myself. Try and do it jokingly and he may get the hint but not get hurt - if it is something he would get hurt about (can't tell myself).
      I would say he should be okay with it, but then again i'm not sure who he is so it's up to you to decide.

    • I wouldn't do it until we are like serious and dating for a few months. I'm not his girlfriend now so I don't want to demand him to do anything yet.

Most Helpful Girl

  • too passive

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    • Ok so I'm not shallow then. Is there anyway to change that? When I told him I didn't think he liked me on the dates be said sorry he didn't mean to be so cold and he'll show me next time.

    • probably not, sorry.

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What Girls & Guys Said

18
  • I think you're getting all your terms mixed up. There's no dominant aspect to this, and none of this makes you shallow. He's shy, so he might just be waiting until the third date or until he gets a vibe from you that you want to kiss. It's not that passive, and it all depends on how receptive you are to him. Oh and shyness has nothing to do with his sexual experience/knowledge, he could be a freak in the sheets for all you know lol. Only one way to find out

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    • Yes I mean out of all the guys I've talked to he's the only one that stated can I take you on a date. So I will give him that. He has more guts and manners I would say which is great. The past two times we met we just ate ice cream and food.

      The only thing that kills me is his shyness because I see it as not confident. However he does have a projected voice. It's louder than mine. It's not timid or anything. So it's just weird.
      Then his grooming. It's literally small things honestly. Like he's fit but his fashion is horrible. I just thought I was being shallow on that part and I needed to be humble again.

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    • Actually his isn't that bad. I don't know like I said I think or thought I was being shallow. He wears jeans a shirt and vans/a hat.

    • Ah I guess you were being a little judgmental or shallow then yeah, focus on who he is as a person and the rest won't matter anymore. And if he's still acting too shy then just initiate the physical contact and he'll reciprocate

  • It may be hard to believe but sometimes guys are intimidated or scared to try stuff. If you are a a restaurant setting across from each other and his hands are on the table towards the middle reach out and hold it. Or if your at a movie put out hand on his knee. You may scare him or open him up.

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  • Make a move on him. try to break the touching barrier

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  • I think you should start the things that he doesn't do like holding hands, kissing him etc

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  • He sounds like he's an introvert and wants to make sure there's something there and that it could possible work out in the future. But don't mistake it for lack of confidence or anything like that. He may just be future oriented.

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    • Hmm that could be possible however we did have a conversation about thinking into the future. he stated he lives in the present. Lol. But still.. good observation

    • Well living in the present and still planning for the future are different things. Though to me that sounds like he won't pass something up in the now just for the sake of the future. But that's my way of thinking

  • How can be a dominant guy be shy but may be he cares for your feelings/opinion

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    • I mean it's possible! Like he's shy in person but he makes things happens. He takes the bill/ won't let me pay. He actually asks me on dates and picks the place.

  • Probably he just need a little bit of time

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  • He's not your type so why are you still going on dates? It sounds like the only things you like about him is that he pays for you. You are so busy judging the guy...

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    • That's not the only thing I like because I could care less if he pays for me. I said the only thing that bothers me is his passiveness. He hits me like he's scared. It makes me nervous he doesn't know what he's doing later when sexual.

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    • Well I'm going to see after this date I guess. I was hoping it was because he's just super shy around me and it's not a normal thing. I do enjoy talking to him.
      If I feel the same after the date, what is a good way to tell him he's great but I don't enjoy the passiveness?

    • You are going on another date when you already know you're not interested... waste of time. Just tell him you're not feeling it.

  • My guess is it's more inexperience then passiveness and if you make the first move he will love you for it

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    • That's what scares me. What if we get sexual and Jr doesn't know what he's doing? Because I don't know what I'd be doing lol. He said he had a girlfriend in the past though

    • If dogs can fuiger it out I'm sure he will be fine

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