He still has tinder! Should I be worried?

A month ago, I matched with a guy who goes to the same university as me. We actually met at Starbucks and It was set from there. We gone on two dates so far, and I feel very happy with him. Despite our busy schedules, we try to squeeze time to see each other every day, whether It be studying next together, late night drives, or a quick lunch before class.
However, It just bothers me that I saw tinder and bumble on his phone! I asked him about the tinder app... he said he uses It to find parties around town. He seems to always be on that phone too (but he’s texting his group chat?)
I noticed he doesn’t really try to hold my hand or kiss me. He’s always looking for ways to make himself look attractive. I saw that he updated a picture yesterday on tinder! I’m really worried. Am I wasting my time on this guy?
We decided to take things slow, because I didn’t want to ruin the relationship. I’m just scared he’s a player or something. Should i confront him about It or what should I do?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you haven't asked to be official then you need to accept that he may be dating other girls. You've only been on 2 dates so if he is good with women then this is likely.

    Putting a new pic up suggests he is looking for new matches cause it's a sign he is trying to improve his profile.

    As for taking it slow, when you said that you told him in girl language "I'm insecure that you might be a player so I'm going to be very defensive to avoid sleeping with you, even if I'm attracted to you". Thus he thinks you're too much effort hence updating his profile with new pics to attract other girls he can sleep with.

    Here's the double edged sword- you girls want a confident, high quality guy. Those guys are players so you've got to accept you'll have competition. So if you want them longer term, you need to bring your A game and make sure you're also a confident, high quality girl. Acting insecure asking if they still use tinder isn't confident.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Lol you are both free to date other people until you guys had the talk of being "exclusive"
    And plus 2 dates.. thats too early.
    Go on more dates and who knows.. he might ask if you want a relationship
    And you said you want to take it slow as well so let things flow.
    Don't scare him off by confronting him

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What Girls & Guys Said

832
  • Well if you confront him about him being a player. Well he is a player so he will tell you no. Thats just illogical. Here is what you should do. Tell him that you think that you both should be friends
    The reason why he is on tinder again is because he is expecting sex from you but you want to take it slow. The truth is he doesn't but he is too immature to tell you that because he is waiting for the moment that you notice these things which you have and then boom. You break. You guys have a huge argument in which he says if you dont do it with me i will get ut somewhere else. But you ain't stupud. You will not explode. Just let him go through his phase. That means friend zone him for now when he outgrows his i want to fuck around phase and you're still available and he is more mature you can retry this relationship thing again. Thisis what i would do if i was you. I dont want aome dude to play around with me and then be just a page in his book. Remember you need to be the one. There are many choices out there
    Be wise and make good decisions. Remember. He or she who is wise goes through failure without loses. Do not open your cookie jar. You dont want to lose your cookie.

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  • I don’t think you should be worried at this stage. You’ve only been on two dates; I doubt you’re exclusive. Also bumble can be used for finding friends and networking! (I recommend bumble BFF to everyone btw)
    Again, don’t worry about it so much. If you decide to commit to each other, then he’d have no reason to use tinder.

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  • By connecting my tinder to my Facebook, I was able to see how many of my guy friends still have tinder. The majority of them are in long term and happy relationships. I assume they quit using tinder but didn’t actually delete it. I wouldn’t worry to much until he starts acting shady.

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  • I think that off the bat he is selling you short. It is unfair to lead a woman and him also in a way having a back up. If he dosent appriciate you then why be with him. Tinder has a reputation, men on tinder most of the time aren't serious. And in two dates he has shown that he is not ready to be i a relationship. I think u should move on and find a guy in one of your classes. Who knows you might have shared interets and might find a connection. Good luck.

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  • He's playing a game of numbers as you are unsure about him, he is unsure about you. As a man I'll talk to a number of women as only 1 in 20 will speak with me and around 1 out of 100 actually get into a relationship with you. To call for him to be exclusive to you while you are unsure of him is selfish. Try making him more sure in his pursuit of you to curb this other behavior.

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  • I don't see why he should delete his tinder after 2 dates and you guys probably haven't agreed to be exclusive. It appears like you still have yours as well

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  • 1) dont try to meet a serious relationship on tinder. 2) if you do, make sure they are in the same mndset as you. Seems like he doesn't want to tell you he doesn't see it in the same way. 3) seriously you're way overcomplicating things. Tinder is a HOOKUP app. You hooked up. Unless you discussed it further (which seems you didnt) he does not want a relationship.

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  • If you give him all he need. He will stop using any apps.. so what you should worry is about yourself and how important and good of a woman you are. Every single waman and man goes out with different people or flirt when the time comes. So its about accepting reality more then getting worried ^^

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  • Are u serious lady.. I better not be rude.. but if he is on tinder or bumble and if u love him ask him that why is he on tinder or bumble.. he found u now it's waste to use these apps.. I don't think that he his interested.. I would better say that have a check on it... make urself satisfied... and if he is cheating better teach him a lesson... and do not waste time around such guys..

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  • I would say that yes you should be a little worried. I personally feel your best course of action is to confront him about it and be completely honest about how you feel and that you would like to be exclusive. If he responds poorly, then he clearly isn't worth your time anyways. It's better to be upfront about what you want than to be dragged along another month and not be satisfied with where the relationship is headed

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  • You're not even in a relationship. He has no reason to commit to you rn and you taking it slow could be interpreted by him as lack of interest.

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  • He doesn't seem to be taking it seriously as much as you do. Try to talk to him, if it doesn't work out then just move on.

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  • He might just think it's not official yet to the point where it is serious. Don't attach yourself to a person that you aren't sure about because if it goes south you'll be really hurt and everyone wants the best for you

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  • Well it doesn’t sound like you guys have committed or expressed the status of the relationship so he might be feeling like it’s just temporary or not serious

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  • I dont think he's interested in you hun, it seemed okay until he updated his tinder, he sounds like he's out to find my girls :/

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  • Well ask him and convinse him to make sure it'll access your notification alarm on your phone so if anyone flirts you'll know judging isn't the best thing to do

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  • Never understood the theory behind 'taking it slow' with the guy you like but the exact opposite with someone you dont... that itself is a great way to ruin something before it starts

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  • just ask him casually. confront is a strong word, guys usually just ask something if they want answers

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  • Ignorance is the key to success... if u want to get his attention, then simply start ignoring him at various situations

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  • Is he your actual boyfriend or are you just kinda going out? If the former is the case, drop him. If the latter, get over it.

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  • I don't think you should be worried. After sll, you haven't become exclusive yet?

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  • Honestly get rid of him. If he won't be willing to give up flirting then there's no point for you to continue knowing you'll get hurt #SaveYourself

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  • Pick up Pace... Maybe u are going too slow... And it's only 2 dates so... Yea he's allowed to have tinder

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  • Yep, you are wasting time with him, he just want a touch and go. You have to understand that not everyone is searching for a relationship.

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  • Yeah definitely confront him. Nobody uses tinder to just find parties. Especially if he has bumble too? Not okay.

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  • You met this guy on tinder...

    Honestly what'd you expect?

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  • First of all you. You need to make desition your self. My opinion is yes he is full of shit. You said you been on two dates and with your schedules it's hard to find the time to be together. You mentioned the things you guy have done to steal sometime together. Any way. Late night drives. Thats called having sex in a car.
    Let's be honest. When you went to this dating site. You were lonely and yes you wanted some Companionship. You wanted to get laid. You went into the relationship living and you got what you wanted. Sorry if I'm being short. What were you whining about. Ho thats right you want to know what to do.
    You know what your going to do already what you want. I guess what I'm saying is why do you have to make it sound like your all torn up about this life long relationship. Sorry you women out a bad taste in my mouth. I hope I can wash it out because I realy would like to spend some time with a woman again some day.

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  • I would be worried about it! Tinder is just not for finding parties.

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  • Yeah... Or may be not... Maybe he is doing time pass..

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  • I've had tinder for years, but I haven't touched it in such a long time.

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  • You must have it too to know he still has it. Does it really matter?

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  • Well if he's not your boyfriend I wouldn't be TOO worried.

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  • Yeah you should

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  • It's a hookup site, so yeah.

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  • Yes, Tinder is a red flag..

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  • You should be worried

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  • He is playing with you.

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  • I don’t think you should be worried.

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  • "We decided to take things slow..."
    No "we" didn't. He would happily smash given the chance. That's something girls do. Take it slow for guys they like, but fast for guys they don't think will go anywhere. Bitches be cray.

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  • If you think you're in something serious, then yes, it would be wrong

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