My boyfriend gets mad at me frequently. What should I do?

My boyfriend has a temper, and he often gets mad. I have asked him how I can avoid it but for some reason even the littlest of things can set him off. He is not violent or anything, but when he is mad he never talks to me. It takes him a day or two before he wants to talk to me again. This happens about once every month, but last week, something made him mad, and he told me he wanted to go on a break because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me anymore. We ended up getting back together two days later but I can’t help but feel if this relationship is going to last. We have been together for about a year and it has been like this since the beginning. I have tried talking to him about it but he says “it is just who he is” and that he can’t change who he is. What do I do? I love him but I do not know if this is healthy or not.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Thats NOT HEALTHY. If he really loves you, he wouldn't treat you like that. If he can't change and start treating you like every partner deserves, you should break.
    Have a boyfriend or girlfriend is to be happy, to share great moments, be confortable to each other, not to question every word you say cause "Oh, he can get mad with this..."
    If I am on your situation o would break as fast as possible. Your his girlfriend, not his mom to look after every childlish anger he gets.
    To me, it seems simple.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't live on eggshells. That much stress isn't healthy. He needs therapy and you need to get the hell away from him. He sounds like a man child who likes to throw temper tantrums. Is that something you want to live with for the rest of your life? I'd cut my losses if I were you and find someone who respects you. YOU DON'T NEED TO CHANGE. HE DOES. Good luck.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I have to be honest with you for me that's very annoying dating someone that gets mad over little things but the problem here is when he gets mad there's no communication he shuts down for 2 days and goes off and come back that's the thing that's the real problem cuz what is he doing while he's not speaking to you. Plus it doesn't seem like you're happy it seems like this is something that's really bothering you that's why you're trying to get advice on it. You have to understand that this is who he is and he's probably not going to change so you have to decide is this something that you can deal with cuz if it's something that you can deal with then you have to move on because it's going to become a real problem later if it's something that you can deal with then stay with him but that's a decision that you have to make yourself. You seem like a nice girl you want to be with somebody who's going to make you happy and trust me no matter what relationship we get in there's going to be something but you have to decide what you can do with them what you can't because there's no Perfect Situation no matter who you date you're going to go through something

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  • "Its just who he is" is a weak cop out. I'd leave him or anyone just on the premise that they have no intention of bettering themselves. His anger isn't your problem, its his because he is choosing to react to whatever emotion that way. Its his problem to fix, not yours

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  • Usually i'd agree that one must love the other for who they are and not try to change them.

    That beong said, getting mad and not wanting to talk for a couple of days and even going as far as to say they want to go on a break for just the smallest things (if they really are as small as you say (i wouldn't know since i'm neither one of you)) is just bullshit.

    I'd say break up and find someone who doesn't have issues like that...

    That being said, maybe there's a reason behind it? Does he have issues at work (if he works)? Is he overstressed from studying (if he studies). Maybe he has pent up anger from a past of being bullied or something?

    All these small things could add up inside and make his anger "explode" from the slightest thing, believe me i've been there.

    So if you want to save your relationship, I'd keep on searching for the reason behind his anger. But maybe instead of only asking him, you could ask his parents or someone else who might know something?

    After all, the only way you are gonna solve his problems is by finding out what the cause is. Or if he suddenly stops having those outbursts

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  • That is who he is. You aren't going to be able to change him he must do that alone. It isn't a healthy relationship if you fear his next blow up or the next time he won't talk to you. You are young and you do not need to be wasting your time in a stressful relationship like this.

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  • it's definitely not healthy. learning how to handle anger and conflict in relationships is paramount to a healthy and happy relationship. it's fair to get upset about stuff but it isn't ok to not be able to maturely process feelings and work towards resolution

    you can say you understand that's how he is but he needs to work to be better. if he is unwilling to make any effort to improve you shouldn't be with him

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  • You're not happy, and your needs aren't being met. What more do you need to consider? He needs some kind of help dealing with his issues, or he isn't going to get better. And it sounds like he's not even willing to try. This is a dead end, and you deserve better.

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  • That relationship is not healthy at all and don't ever feel like its your fault if he is always getting mad its his problem you could try giving him a taste of his own medicine and not talk to him but if that is just who is there is nothing to do dump him and find yourself someone better.

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  • He is probably not going to change, so you have to consider giving up on the relationship. I think it is not healthy for you to stay in this situation. I think you will both be happier with somebody else, as sad as it is..

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  • If you don’t mind it, then it’s fine. But as you seem to feel, it isn’t good for you as you feel unsure about this whole thing. in my opinion I’d say leave this, but then again that’s just me

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  • He has issues move on before he start knocking you around. You obviously are catering to his need to have someone that will tolerate the drama he is bringing to their life. He will suck the soul out of you and not be happy until you are miserable. Then once you are sufficiently miserable he will leave you because his goal has been met. He is pathological.

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  • Sounds like he has some mental issues. If you're in this relationship to change him, you're wasting your time. A person can only change when they've chosen to see the problem, and take the steps to make the change on their own. Sounds like he's blaming you for his problems. You should run! It sounds like you are also blaming yourself. This is called battered women's syndrome. You should look up codependency for yourself.

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  • I was the same way with my current girlfriend. And it was all me. I needed to change. It took her leaving me to wake up and realize what was wrong with me. It was then I realized how much she meant to me. So I changed. Believe me it was for a the better. I'm so much happier, and so is our relationship.

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  • Get out before he starts raising his fist to your head. You should know better. Love is blind but if you are so blind and stupid to not see these warnings signs then you deserve the abuse he has in store for you.

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  • Is he accusing you of being unfaithful to him? Very often a guy will accuses girlfriend of doing things that he is guilty of

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  • The little things are often not the problem there the trigger the last drop. If you want to stop setting him off try and notice when he is tired or easily triggers and try to be there for him. You didn't have to be the problem just the trigger. Don't ask or force him to do anything just help him relax.

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  • No, it's absolutely not healthy, for either of you. He can't handle his emotions nor communicate and his behavior makes you anxious.

    This is developing into a toxic relationship and the only way you two will work together as a couple is if you two get yourself together as individuals.

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  • It's just about how a person is taking the relationship. Temper is a behaviour and normally people show this to the person whom they consider that nothing is gonna change even if they don't like it. U can say that they r taking it for granted. Bcz no-one shows the temper to the person who is not gonna tolerate it. Think about it 🤞

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  • Best to move on. Sounds like he has some issues, and if you stay too long it could get physical. Protect yourself. The kind of changes he needs don't happen overnight, and if he's blaming you he hasn't even started getting better. Move on.

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  • If you think its unhealthy then part ways but if you love who is as a person dont get upset just because he is, he probably just gets annoyed with certain things with you which is ok because their is probably things about him that annoy you.

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  • Dude needs to get some help if the smallest things irritate him all the time, he needs to grow up and get over it.

    People can change too, that's just a weak excuse for him to continue being a brat.

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  • Hun, I know exactly what this feels like. He doesn’t sound like a great guy. Honestly if I were you, I would establish that I’m not going to come running back to him after being treated like that. It might make him change.

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  • I think if u r not comfortable u hv the right to leave... Else if u r strong enough to face his anger, maybe u will find a way to calm him down. I think he is jst trying to be dominant.

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  • Don't get yourself involved in that. I know you probably love him but its definitely Not healthy. He just gets mad now but you don't wanna be there when it gets violent, cause it will get violent eventually

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  • You might love him, but that realationship is definitely not going to last. You're always going to be walking on egg shells around him...

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  • His refusal to talk about it and work it out with you is a concern. It's not "just how he is". He can change that, but he clearly doesn't want to. It sounds like you might be different people in some ways maybe? I'm glad he's not violent, but that's not to say he won't ever become violent (hope not, but certainly possible, especially if he's not dealing with these feelings). If it were me, I'd be questioning the relationship and asking myself do I really want this? Maybe find someone who doesn't get mad at you, OR, if they do, talks with you and works it out.

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  • Maby he is hurt and isn't telling you about it because he is maby embarrassed or something or he is mad at himself about somethings and is venting in the worst way possible

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  • You should watch to see how and what is making him mad but if you have tried all you can to find out and not got a good result you may need to get out of it I hope I help

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  • Seat down and thinking what you always do to him that is bad or you should call him seat him down and ask him that why and what have you done that makes him always mad at toy

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    • We always do things that annoys other people but the way they react is always their responsibility. Overreacting and giving the cold shoulder is disrespectful and eventually very detrimental for the relationship. She can take responsibility too but ultimately she must know she doesn't deserve to be treated that way no matter what.

  • Call the police on him fuck him look for someone without anger issuis and likes to bond are u stupid picking a person that gets commonly mad at u or buy him Guchi flip flops

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  • Maybe see if there's something that your doing wrong that is meeting with him, if not then it's just something he needs to work out and maybe losing you will get that through him

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  • It's not healthy it's toxic and eventually it will ruin you so you should get out while you can.

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  • You remind me of a couple of friends I got. Same situation.
    In his case, he's emotionally distant.
    In her case, she's overbearing.
    He apparently gets mad behind closed doors. She stifles him, he gets stressed, and shuts down.
    Reason he continues this behavior is because she keeps trying, he wants the attention I think.
    So what you need to do is stop rewarding him for bad behavior.
    If a dog pisses on the carpet, do you give him a treat? Or do you rub his nose in it to teach him not to do it again?

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  • First of all, stop blaming yourself for his behavior. He sounds like an entitled drama queen. He does this anger non communicado thing once a month? Immature and completely unacceptable in a relationship.
    I know it's been mentioned several times by other opinion makers on here but I cannot stress this enough. He WILL eventually get physical, and then your safety and life will be in danger. Think I'm exagerrating? Do a quick Google on domestic violence cases and read a few.
    There is no reason to tolerate him or his behavior. You deserve better, I hope it works out for you.

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  • He isn’t right for you, or really anyone right now. He needs to work on himself and grow up

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  • Let him go he needs to grow up and sadly most men dont chill till later in life

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  • As long as he ain't hit you then endure it if you love him that much

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  • He should learn to respect you darling and u should be more tolerant to him to save your relationship

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  • Do you, yourself have the apartment and or pay the rent and all the bills? And he just chips in a few $'s ""when he can""?

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  • Sounds like a bit of a red flag, and I feel as though you could do better.

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  • Your not the problem he is his own problem if every little thing makes him mad then it's not you I'm not saying this to be mean or to upset you I'm just blunt with my words and actions but anyways he's just being a little bitch about everything cause he isn't getting what he wants when he wants it your nit with a grown man your with a little ass boy plane and simple as that and to be honest it really isn't healthy for you to keep going through the same BS its only gonna hurt you in the long run mentally and emotionally you'll be drained like your life is being sucked out if you and you'll feel as if you have nothing left as if you have become empty inside I know cause I've been there. But this is your choice your grown keep dealing with the BS or lift your head up let the BS go and keep MOVING FORWARD WITH YOUR OWN LIFE CAUSE YOUR LIFE MATTERS TOO.

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  • I dont believe this is healthy just know that people change but its very rare

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  • There are at least 500 million guys who are better than him

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  • It definitely isn't healthy.
    I was in a relationship with someone who was very impatient. If anything set her off, no matter what, she would be mad at everybody and everything even if it wasn't what made her upset in the first place. So I had to constantly walk on egg shells around her and make sure she was in the best mood all the time. Honestly, it was exhausting but she didn't care nor would she try to change.

    I see that happening here and i feel that you need to lay it out for him. He needs to make an active attempt to change because he is causing you distress. This behaviour is not healthy for him, not healthy for you and is very toxic to the relationship.

    I'm not advocating breaking up with him yet. But you should be open to the idea if he is absolutely unwilling to change.

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  • Be chilled. Dont do things that any other girl would do

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  • Try to see the pity within the anger and first of all, love yourself, every other answer will come.

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  • He might have anger management issues tell him to consult a doctor

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  • Be with him and make him change help him to get rid off all the stuff which makes him short temper

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  • Break up with him for acting childish. He’ll have something to get mad about.

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  • It's time to get a new boyfriend.

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  • Break up with him

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