He would make more time for me if I was hot?

boyfriend and I met on tinder, and we've been together for over 4 months. He tells me I am perfect the way I am, and that he loves everything about me. But I smell bullshit, cause society tells women to be a certain way (guys too). And to look a certain way, as men are wired to go with a slim body and tall legs. I am short, and chubby as a bunny. Or chunky whatever you wanna call me. I LOVE FOOD, and it seems to be to be my downfall as I am a stress eater. MY boyfriend seems to be busy all the time, as he's a farm boy and a full time worker. WE normally hang out on saturdays but that's it. WE live an hour apart and sometimes I drive up to see him and sometimes he drives down to see me. (sorry if this is getting long.) But I just feel like maybe he deserves someone in his town, because I feel like I am not seeing him enough. It's taking us a while to getting to know each other and I am like running out of conversation topics. He's pretty shy, but he's not at the same time. I am just socially awkward lol. There's so many better girls out there, and I feel like I am selfish.. needy.. unorganized and filthy. I am overweight and nobody wants an overweight girl, and I feel that if someone gets an overweight girl they are telling their friends that they couldn't find better. I have so many flaws, and my pros are outweighed by my flaws. I told him we rarely ever see each other, and it seems like his friends and family are more important than I am (I get it, family is always there) but once a week if that. But when I am with him, I get butterflies and I get nervous (in a good way.) I am trying to work on my weight but it's so fucking hard for me. I am always told to lose weight, but I feel like he deserves a hot chick. And sometimes I think that if I was hot, he would make more time for me..


Most Helpful Guy

  • You have the same problem most girls have. You think looks is 99% important to a guy. What this means is you are insecure and nervous thinking he is better than you so you worry about not having things to say. This makes your conversation skills suffer which leads to you having less value.

    In a world of beauty obsessed girls, the ones who guys love most are the ones that have good social skills because they have value that most other girls don't have. Those girls just stand around looking pretty and get hit on heaps at bars, clubs etc. but make it awkward for the guy when he approaches because they can't give anything back in conversation so he thinks they aren't interested and when the inevitable awkward silence comes he just leaves cause they had the personality of a sack of bricks.

    • That had nothing to do with the question..

    • Show All
    • I get jealous easily..

    • You need to avoid making assumptions. They are the crux of insecurities. Stay with him until proven otherwise that he doesn't like you. Meanwhile work on improving yourself through hobbies and interests, gym maybe to build your confidence that you have things in your life.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • You need to love yourself before you'll be able to maintain a loving relationship with someone else. Work on your flaws, & I mean REALLY work on the things that you don't like about yourself. Change your behaviors & habits. Change your point of view. It's going to be hard. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. You'll probably have days where you fail to improve or even regress a bit. Just keep working at it; the results will come in time.

    As for this guy, it sounds like he's interested in you, but you don't really understand why. I can't tell you why he likes you, but you should just accept that he does. It's totally reasonable to be skeptical when someone tells you you're perfect, especially when you're still getting to know each other. He might have some idealised version of you in his head, & as you get better acquainted, that version of you will start to resemble the real you. It's entirely possible he could decide you're not right for him. But, he might also decide that, despite your flaws, you're still pretty awesome. Do talk to him about how you feel you're not spending enough time together. Getting together more might not work out right now if he works a lot, but you should at least get across the point that you like spending time with him & you want to be around him more if possible.

    If you keep doubting your own self worth, you'll either push him away, or you'll create a self-fulfilling prophecy where he decides you're not worth his time (because who wants to be with someone who doesn't believe in herself?). It sounds like you're afraid of losing a good thing, & you're considering destroying that good thing to feel a sense of control over it. Turn that destructive impulse into productive motivation, & work on your flaws, so that you can feel better about yourself. If you're selfish, find a way to help improve the lives of others (friends, family, strangers). If you're needy, become more independent. If you're disorganized, find some organization tips to help you keep things tidy. Clean up on a regular schedule. Develop some discipline. If you're overweight, eat a bit less, move around more, & maybe consult a personal trainer & a dietitian for help.

    Again, this is going to be hard. You may even feel overwhelmed at times. It will take time & real effort on your part. Don't get discouraged. You can change your whole life if you're dedicated enough.

  • Sort our your insecurities or you will ruin this and any future relationship

    • But it's true... if I was a model he would probably be here every day.

    • Have a word with yourself

  • most likely yes... lol


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