Do guys pull away when stressed?

My boyfriend is in nursing school and has to take finals next week on top of working full-time as a paramedic, and he's been pretty distant lately. I want to believe it's just due to his crazy schedule right now, but I can't help but feel like it has something to do with me. Is this just a guy thing?
Do guys pull away when stressed?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • RN here. Finals are stressful for everyone, but nursing school finals are a beast of their own. Most questions go along the lines of ‘here is a patient scenario. All of the answers are correct, but choose the answer that is the most correct.’ Let him focus on his studies, especially if he is also working full time. This is not the time for you to be needy or think that he should spend more time with you.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your boyfriend has one of the highest stress occupations of all, plus he has finals for nursing school which I can't imagine are easy... and you are trying to make it about you? Your boyfriends life doesn't revolve around you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Yes we need space.

    But space doesn't always mean 'space'. He might just want your company but no words. Or a cuddle while watching a film.

    Girls like to talk about everything. But guys close themselves off far easier than girls. But that doesn't mean we don't want closeness.

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  • It's quite common for guys to drop other comittments when facing a stressful situation. Is he an introverted or extraverted person? Introverted people lose energy when socializing with others, even people they really like, and gain energy by being alone. If he's an introvert, I'd be pretty certain it's just stress. Even if he's extraverted though, I wouldn't be surprised if he just wants to focus on his coming task.

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  • He is dedicated to his study and fully focused. Be proud of him! It has nothing to do with you! In fact, give him something to drink or eat while he studies, take care of him and once he is done all the love will come back at you :) believe me, been there myself!

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  • It’s not you. It’s being busy.

    It’s either a new normal or a temporary one. Might be worth asking about prioritizing some dedicated couple feed and watering time.

    Stress piling up is bad... hit him with medical reasons, how a guy would convince another guy. If that fails, you could aim to insist on offering a stress-relieving “distraction” now and then, by any means necessary. 😏

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  • The guy can’t win. If he gave you time now & flunked his test you’d say he’s a loser & find a guy with more focus.

    Yeah, maybe the insane stress of having to take his huge test is weighing on his mind. You won’t be at the exam to hold his hand so respect his need to focus

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  • I have finals for nursing school as well and have to work. Usually I don't have the concentration or power left to do something nice, or spend a lot of time on affection. It's just how the stress makes me be

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  • It's not just a guy thing, it's a finals-thing-while-also-working-full-time-thing. Finals require a lot (a LOT) of focus, and working full time while you're also going through finals is a heavy load. Your boyfriend needs his girlfriend to be understanding and not make what is a temporary situation about her.

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  • Not just a guy thing, some girls do it as well, but I can say its not your fault. I've never been much of a people person, so no matter how much I like someone I do like plenty of distance even under normal stress levels. If I'm very stressed I'll tend to avoid people altogether until I can pull it back together. He'll be fine when his finals are over, just give him distance if that's what he's looking for.

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  • Mine is. It can be a guy thing, but it's also a personality thing. My boyfriend is the kind of person that keeps to himself, or "internalizes things to understand them before talking about them". If you're worried, talk to him. If he's mature, he'll explain why he's pulling away and maybe even let you in. My boyfriend can get snappy when I press him, but I don't see anything wrong with communicating concerns.

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  • Might be. It's difficult to explain but sometimes support can be an obstacle which adds to stress, so we just need time and space. I'd talk to him tho. His job is in one of the most stressful fields and with school on top of it... it might trigger feelings, tension and thoughts he's trying to hide (because men are always strong and don't cry).

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  • Average stress, no. If a guy is pulling away it's for more specific reasons, usually. If it truly is just simple stress and tired about work, then he's not actually "pulling away," he's just maybe not putting in the effort that he normally does. If he really is pulling away, then something more serious is likely going on.

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  • Often yes. Guys are societally expected to not show weakness, so if stress is getting to him he may not want to show it. In addition, he may be the kind of person who has an anger reaction to stress and doesn't want to take it out on you. If either of those are true, the best thing you can do is try to help him feel good about himself. Help him feel confident.

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  • It's not a guy thing, it's a people thing. Some people turn inwards when stressed or overwhelmed. This is common when busy with school and work.

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  • It's not just a guy thing it's a human thing, women do it too. Independent people pull back when stressed. We like to handle things on our own and without distractions.

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  • I wouldn't say just a guy thing. Anyone can be that way. yes people can easily get like that under stress. Its most likely not to worry about. Just try to be there for him and destress him. And try not to cause more unnecessary stress. Good luck.

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  • It's defenitly not you, this happens with my mom and dad all the time. My dad has to read this ridiculously big book for a test and he becomes more negative and spends less time with us. It'll all be better ehen its over. Nothing to worry about

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  • He has finals let the man study for it he has shit to do chill out lol

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  • Men are complicated. They pull away when getting too close and when stressed, they're most likely not going to rely on you when they are stressed, even if you want them to. Instead, they usually do distance themselves

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    • Such a generalization 😞

      Are you sure its not because the girl is unattractive or because the girl stinks?

  • definitely... its not an excuse for his behaviour but we deal with stress as individuals, I personally tend to drink more than usual if Im stressed or depressed, but I do this to relax myself and (in my eyes) return to who my ex-s/o wanted me to be while I was with her at the time.

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  • If I were you I would give your boyfriend his space let him get ready for the situation that he is in preparing for school or for those tests it's not easy he needs to concentrate cut him some slack don't even worry about it he'll be back

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  • No to be honest give him time to do finals. Nirsing isn't easy stress can be a some but if he is working on top of it is hard.

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  • It's not just a guy thing, its a people thing. When we're stressed and burdened with so much work, we don't want to bring our misery into the happier part of our life. It's like polluting your own garden. However, it's also a selfish decision on our part to pull away. Because times like these are also opportunities for relationships to be tested and grow. You can choose to give him his space and that'll be fine. Or you can be supportive by planning the social and romantic things for him, so that he doesn't have to add that to his stress. What I'm suggesting is that you can be supportive by relieving him of his share of the workload in the relationship. But only temporarily of course. He'll appreciate you for carrying the relationship while he deals with the other stuff. And hopefully, he'll be able to do the same for you.

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  • Stress can do that. He not even realize it or be meaning to so try to ease your way into just reminding him he isn't alone.

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  • I know I would. Studying and working is definitely going to be a priority, so it ends up being less together time. Maybe he doesn't want to express himself right now, and just stay focused

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  • Give him space don't make everything about you. I mean he's probably a little physically and or mentally tired right now.

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  • If your man is focused and you do trust them, let go of your insecurities and support him. It'll work in your favour in the long run

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  • I can’t speak for your boyfriend but I definitely pull away at times when I’m suprr stressed and angry. No point in taking it out on anyone else, especially when they had nothing to do with it.

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  • Sometimes they do. But most of the time, it's just because they're done with us.

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  • r-e-l-a-x
    he's got a lot going on right now and really needs to focus on what it is that he is doing. he'll come back to you when its all finished dont worry about it

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  • I would, but im only 13, so. Im not really to that part in life but I finally had my first girlfriend so thats good, it is just stress, I can confirm, if he is acting shady trust me he is not cheating

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  • Yeah sometimes, if I really need to focus on what I’m doing. It usually doesn’t last long though.

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  • 100% normal. He needs to focus on his career, and he doesn't want to talk about his feelings for hours on end.

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  • Girls do it too. Everyone pulls away when they get stressed over exams.

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  • I do that. Sometimes I even physically pull away when I'm stressed, like if he's trying to be cuddly and I'm stressed out I don't like it

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  • I think this is quite normal a lot of men can't talk about stress they just get grumpy he probably just goes distant so he doesn't snap at you

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  • Yeah, lots of stuff is more important than a ranting ass camel staring you in the face while you try to get your grades.

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  • yes we tend to pull away whe stress or nervous or if we think something is wrong and she wants space or maybe he just trying to study let him

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  • I would assume finals for nursing school would be extremely stressful, and distractions - even positive ones - could be detrimental to success.

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  • Well no shit he's got a lot to do and little time he should go back to normal after finals unless he falls into depression after

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  • I would say yes... I tent to go inward when stressed till I find the way out of what got me stressed...

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  • Yes. Give him space. Im in the same situation but slightly diff. Hot ass selfies for encouragement will keep you fresh on his mind.

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  • Not really pull away just distance themselves from people stress can cause depression which really makes some one more distant

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  • Yeah. They don't want you to know they're vulnerable at that moment

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  • Some men do when the going gets tough, when there is a need for commitment...

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  • At that time you should not try to force him to chat. He's just messed up in his head.

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  • He is stressed, give him assurance, confidence and attention that everything will be fine.

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  • I pull away and go inward. I need to be to myself when there is pressure.

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  • When people pull away usually it's because they fear rejection.

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  • No but i do get stressed before i pull out because i see a pregnant girl in my head

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  • sometimes they do

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