Do you keep secrets from your partner? Do you think secrets in a relationship are good?

If yes, what you usually keep quiet about? Do you think secrets are good for a relationship?Do you keep secrets from your partner? Do you think secrets in a relationship are good?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • No I don't think there should be such thing as secrets with whom you are with. Should be able to tell all type bit and vice versa and be comfortable in that aspect with understanding and no judgement. This is someone who should be able to talk to you about anything and everything I would think. Why hold shit in from them as well? Just saying lol.

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  • Communication and trust are the basis for healthy and happy relationship, so secrets, especially about heavy important things never do good and only makes the distance between the two people grow emotionally further.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Virtually everyone has things that they don't tell their partner. If I have diarrhea, does she need to know? What constitutes something being a "secret" as opposed to something you just don't share?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I have things I haven't told him, but they aren't necessarily secrets. Like, if I go out for lunch one day with friends - I don't always feel compelled to tell him. If I had a crumby day, but he had a HORRIBLE day, I won't tell him why my day sucked so much and I'll just listen to him.

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  • Depends. Some things are better left unsaid/kept secret. I don't talk about previous sexual experiences with other women, for example.

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  • This is a tricky one. I wound not keep any secrets, however I also understand people who might do. Here is an example: you go out, you kissed another guy or girl. YES, THIS IS WRONG! Absolutely, and if it happens again then your relationship is DEFINITELY not worth it, and you better break up. However I'd still not tell my partner I cheated. I would just break up... why? I can respect her by not telling her. How is that respectful? I can dump her (which makes her feel bad) and tell her I cheated, which will make her feel shit and insecure the rest of her life. If I respected her I would not tell her that.
    Then there is also the thing about cheating in general... what is cheating? sex? a kiss? a hug? ... I'd say everything from a kiss and more is cheating. However... talking from my own experience: I had a girl who cheated on me, and it did hurt me the most ever! I did not trust her, I felt miserable and hated myself for loving her. I still stayed with her, and I could not get over it.. at some point we broke up. Now I turn it around, what would I do if I cheated? I think I would feel FUCKED! Horrible! and be extremely sad... but then there are 2 things you can do: tell your partner, hurt her and make her feel shit! Or just NEVER EVER THE FUCK do this again, take it to your grave and make sure she would never find out about that one time, because you don't want her to get hurt ! Instead, use that experience to give her all the love you think she deserves! I know this is all about cheating lol, but I just want to give some diferent views on how you could look at these specific situations.

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    • Also I think I have one secret.. she does not know I am on here. But does she have to know? I am on here to get inspiration, to learn, to become better person and to get over little scars and insecurities :) and I am glad I have found people on here who I can do some sparring with. It has helped me a lot and I stay on here! I use all of the Things I learn on here, to become a better person and to become better for my relationship and girlfriend anyways. !

  • It depends, if it’s a secret you must keep too make a surprise for your partner to take him/her on a romantic dinner then I see is not a big deal. But a secret like “our son is not your, sorry I forgot to tell you” then no. Secrets with something malicious never ends well.

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  • I believe some things should be kept secret... at least for a while and especially concerning the past, because it can mess up a lot of things in a possible relationship. But maybe I am just thinking in that way because my ex (who was verbally abusive) said that with my past my mind and i should be crazy... then again maybe it was just the verbally abusive thing kicking in.

    It also depends on the relationship... I have noticed that many people just really do not find certain things as relevant as other people, which makes it difficult to know in the beginning of what to say and what they don't want to hear, which in turn can cause issues.

    Anyway, I think it is a bit difficult to even define what would be a secret from a partner for every relationship. For example, if a random guy hit on me on the street (and I don't pay any attention), my boyfriend would consider it a secret for not telling him... others may say: why are you telling me this, are you trying to get me jealous/are you trying to be an attention seeker etc. etc. etc.

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  • My ex boyfriend thought it was a great idea to keep it a secret from me that he was an alcoholic and had relapsed. I found out at the 8mth mark. It was also around this time that I also discovered he was trying to get his ex girlfriend a job at his work... nope he thought it was a good idea to keep me in the dark on that one too... some things just shouldn't be hidden...

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  • Yes, some types of secrets will be kept away from him. Those are the secrets that are not mine to tell. Pretty much anything my friends say to me that is personal, he doesn’t need to know, and he won’t know, because I won’t tell him.

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  • I've kept it a secret that I Had a heavy crush on a guy last year for about a half year. I didn't tell my boyfriend because I chose him and it would make him insecure and cause unnessicary trouble between us.

    Now Im over my crush and i dont regret that i kept It to myself. It was the right decision. I dont see my guy a lot bc of his job but im happy in my relationship and im not throwing it away for a temporary crush.

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  • you shouldn't keep secrets from your SO unless its planning something for christmas/birthday secrets are what tear relationships apart...

    If you find yourself keeping secrets like that chances are it'll break up your relationship. If you can't tell them you shouldn't be together

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  • No secrets are bad. Be open and honest with each other.

    Only little white lies about tiny things are ok, like if a person is dumb enough to ask "am I the best lover you've ever had" and you don't think they are you can lie about that or spin it to state what you like best about them but other than an extreme situation like that, you be honest and don't hide things from each other.

    What's an example of something you think it is ok to hide from your partner?

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  • Ok...

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  • I think keeping secrets is justified if it's only because you are embarrassed about them and they bear little relevance anyway. There are a few such secrets that I would personally keep from my SO if I had one. However, I wouldn't keep any secrets that would potentially hurt her--and that's how it should be.

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    • Secrets can hurt a relationship especially with a SO, if you marry her you share your life with her...
      Only secret I'd be keeping is I am planning something for my husbands birthday this year

    • @xButterflyKisses87x I don't see how not telling your partner that watching Power Rangers is your guilty pleasure (for example) would shake the foundations of your relationship. That's the point I'm trying to make. Some secrets are harmless, and it's ok to keep them to yourselves.

    • you may think one little secret, but what other secret will that lead to?

  • Yes! All the time! I have professional and ethical obligations to keep certain secrets from everyone, including my significant other. I agree that relevant transparency is important in a relationship, but there is a limit to what an individual should divulge to a significant other.

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  • You're probably too young to understand, but people including your man doesn't care about your feelings and problems, or secrets. You do not have to tell him anything, especially if it doesn't affect him or threaten the success of the relationship. Worry about having a fruitful life with healthy kids, they are your only tree family.

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    • @azzntittiz Keeping secrets might be compared with trying to hide a pregnancy. It might work for a while, but then the belly swells too much or labour pains too great.
      Either way, it'll come out.

  • Depends on the situation. My boyfriend and I been together for 11 months, I tell him everything except for 1 story that know one knew even my parents. It took me 10 months to tell him what happened in the past when I was kid and during my teens. Some secrets can be understanding on why you don't want to say anything. So it's a yes and no answer.

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  • There is little more unhealthy in a relationship than keeping secrets.

    That said, there are some things I see as... private and no one else's business, that I will die before I discuss with anyone, and if I'm in a relationship and it fails because I refuse to share personal stuff that my partner may see as me "keeping secrets," than so be it.

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  • Don't have a partner😩 but a crush that's doing exactly what he is supposed to do: crush my heart😢 anyways, i wouldn't keep secrets from my partner if i had one. Maybe if it was like a surprise or something but other then that, nah. I'm kind of an open book...

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  • Why be in a relationship if your keeping secrets? The only secret I'm keeping from my boyfriend is what I'm planning for his first father's day & the engagement 🤣 He asks a lot of questions but I just came back as "it's a secret/it's a surprise" his mom will just tell him to zip it then so he knows it's something nice 😂

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  • No i personally do not keep secrets, i am open and honest about everything and i honestly personally believe it has only ever hurt my relationships so maybe secrets are nessacary and good but i refuse to keep things from someone i truly love

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  • I dont keep secrets per say but there is things I dont feel like discussing much like family problems or fears. Those are things I prefer to keep for myself.

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  • I always tell if it is important for our relationship. Sometimes it is not sth he likes but he has to know, then I tell it anyway.
    He tells too. And sometimes they are not things I would like to hear.
    But This is trusting your partner. You know even it is not sth you like he has a reason I say.

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  • Majority if time keeping secrets is bad. It'll eat at you to where you can't be who you want to be 100% and/or they find out and are upset.
    Only secret I keep is my porn. She doesn't need to know about my midget clown BBW collection.

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  • Here are the secrets, that i keep:

    - my passwords to most things
    - my bank account information
    - my salary and banks balance
    - my other login information
    - my big stash of favorite porn online on the cloud, which is a password protected and AES-256 encrypted archive

    So yeah, that's normal to keep certain secrets. People usually are not meant to deal with truths.

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  • Secrets are for pussies that can't accept responsibility for their own actions or for malicious manipulators that deceive, lie, betray.

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  • No secrets for me in a relationship... as i know it's going to come out one way or the other... as he wants to know more about me. I think in my own opinion.

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  • I don't have a partner to keep secrets from, but if I did I would not keep secrets from her. I think that's one of the great parts of a relationship, being so close to someone and having enough trust that you can share anything with them.

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  • I dont keep 'secrets; but i dont tell him everything if it isn't important. secrets can be ok to keep as long as it isn't something thatd negatively affect the relationship. (cheating, drug/alcohol problem, etc) you should be able to trust your SO

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  • It depends on what kind of secrets. If it has to do with someone else and in no way affects your relationship, then yeah, that's not a problem. But if it in ANYWAY affects your relationship, directly or indirectly, yeah that's a huge problem.

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  • I dont keep secrets from my partner

    images2.fanpop.com/.../...ry-13084484-1024-768.jpg

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  • There are secrets that are needed to be kept in secret. But honestly, if it's a short-term thing, you don't need to open your heart. If it's a very long-term/you're already married, you could tell her/him anything (well, maybe not everything :D)

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  • Not everything. Shouldn't have to feel like u have to share it all. For me it would be sex stuff I'd keep secret

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  • I think that a relationship is based on being honest and open to all words. I think you shouldn't keep secrets from him or her because these things will come out eventually and it will hurt that person more and it won't make him/her feel like you trust them so the relationship will never be so natural.

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  • No, secrets are not good in a relationship.
    Do I keep secrets in mine?
    - I kept getting a 2 tickets for speeding and driving without a license a secret from my partner, only because, he would be extremely mean about it and we were on great terms and I didn't want to mess that up.

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  • There's a simple rule. If you think that the thing you are keeping a secret would annoy you if you were on the other side, then tell him/her. If you think the secret isn't important enough then it's fine.
    Having said that, you are bound to err in your judgement from time to time. That's okay. At Least you are being honest. The important thing is to learn from it.

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  • Secrets I feel is wrong but some secrets are ok... it's a fine line to keep in mind. Say you get a message from your ex-tell them. If it's the kids needed some money - Unless they ask I don't think that's a problem. So in the end I personally would just tell them everything just so there isn't any issues.

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  • I do keep quiet about things my friends tell me. Personally, I do not have any secrets from him (apart from the usual things like hiding birthday presents) at least none I am aware of.

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  • i never been in that situation before i dont know ;DDD
    hey are you a anime audience? ;DD

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  • I think like not telling them an outfit sucks or something doesn't matter but u shouldn't lie about important stuff like if you have murdered or have a giant loan or something you shuould tell them

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  • I don't think a partner should know everything about you, if you want to keep things private do it, although If it's a secret that affects you and your partner they might want to know, to help and understand you better in a way

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  • I don´t have a partner. But if so, it depends. For example, I like BDSM. So I would think about if I would tell it and eventually destroy the relationship.

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  • No I’m general secrets in a relationship tend to make one mad or end it all but in my opinion a relationship should be transparent completely loyal and honest up front.

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  • No, I don't think secrets are good, but there are sometimes things that you are not able to tell someone because you yourself don't know how to express them.

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  • I think some things are appropriate too keep secret if it doesn't effect your relationship. but if it does you shouldn't keep it to yourself.
    Like here's my favorite my ex kept that he has a kid from me and didn't tell me till a year later...

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  • I believe that it isn't necessary to tell your partner everything
    If it's something that's not gonna hurt the relationship then it's ok to keep it as a secret

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  • Yes. And nothing that has anything to do with the relationship or not being monogamous. Like why would I tell her I'm going to bed just so I can play video games in peace or like to stiff my own farts?

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  • Only small ones like
    "hey did you drink my sprite"
    ..."um... no?"
    -_- really?
    Okay maybe...

    Secrets like that lol

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  • Yes, because everytime I tell him about something, he uses it against me a few days or weeks later when we argue. Hate him.

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  • Double no.

    Surprise gifts are one thing, because it's not going to kept from them forever, and the end result is always positive.

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  • I might keep quiet about things that don't concern my partner or my relationship with them, otherwise no, obviously.

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  • I don't keep secrets per say, but I guess it depends on what one would consider a secret.

    I mean if my wife asks me something I tell her straight up because I have nothing to hide, but at the same time, we don't need to know every single damn thing each of us do or have done in our pasts. Everybody has to have a level of privacy towards certain things. I don't go snooping through her phone or computer and she doesn't do that to me because relationships require trust to work.

    If you need to know everything your partner does then you don't really trust them and without trust you don't have a relationship.

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