I feel like there is a power imbalance in my relationship and I am too dependent. How do I change?

I have been with my boyfriend for about four years now. And during all that time, I always felt like I wanted this relationship more than he did. It started with the fact that it took him two years to actually acknowledge to other people that we were a couple. It bothered me, but I loved him so much I stayed with him anyways. He wasn't sleeping with anyone else, but when asked, he would say he was single. I often feel powerless when I am with him.

He always makes me feel like he is allowing me to see him and not that he actually wants it himself. He never texts of his own devices, and if I don't explicitly ask him a question, he will not respond. He can be very loving and caring, but then the next second, he demands we don't see each other for a week because he needs space.

When we are fighting, I usually feel like he started it or is at least overreacting. But it always ends the same way, with him threaening to leave me, and me crying and saying I will change. The thing is, I am pretty sure there is nothing I can change, he would just get upset anyways. Clearly, and unfortunately I am very emotionally dependent on him. How can I change that? Because it is really starting to exhaust me.

I feel like there is a power imbalance in my relationship and I am too dependent. How do I change?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I had a girlfriend a bit like that. I was the one who made efforts to adjust to all our differences. At some point I told her it was taking a toll on me and that she needed to make efforts too, if it was to be a fair relationship. And I told her that I'd like to see a clear improvement 6 months in the future.
    6 months later, things hadn't changed and I left her despite being so deeply in love.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 😶
    There is so many wrong things to that I don’t know where to begin.

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What Girls & Guys Said

08
  • Treat all people they way you would like to be treated at first, then start treating them the way they treat you, because that's obviously the way they want to be treated.

    This guy's not worth it, you shouldn't have to change for other people, apart from small things (and then only if they make similar changes).

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  • Start to make time for yourself, start saying no to him, work on your self boost your own self image and confidence. Don't settle for what he gives you. If he really walks all over you then you can he best thing might be to end things.

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  • Start living your life do things you want to do if he gets upset leave. Your life is your life his is his but you live them in union dont let that change

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  • Treat him the same way he treats you, its childish but heck it will work either by making him change or ending this relationship

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  • This is a mentally abusive relationship you need to leave.

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  • If he doesn't truly want to be with you, I don't see how it's truly a relationship

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    • Well, he calls it a relationship now. And he ocasionally tells me he loves me. And any time I tell him that I worry he is going to break up with me, he tells me that he has no intention of doing that and that he is happy with me. Maybe he just needs a lot of space. Do you have any advice on how to be more independent?

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    • It's probably because a lot of people have vanished from my life when I was child. So now I feel like I cannot take another loss and try desperately to avoid one.

    • I see, so maybe it's not so much him as much as it is you don't want to be abandoned

  • Be strong...
    He might be viewing some other girls or he might be just tierd of you
    But i say he is into you and love you but he did some thing in past that he is ashamed of and when he is with you that thing just pops up in his mind and as he know ho lw deep she cares about you, he can't ressist againts that bad feeling of doing some thing that if he was whith you or he was known that your watching him while he was doing that he wouldn't do so...
    Wish you bestes...
    And whatever happend stay strong

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  • Just Get Out

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