I am private and he doesn't get it - I need opinions?

I would really love your opinion on my current situation. I am a very private person, i always have been and i have been getting comments about it pretty much my whole life.

My boyfriend and i have been dating for 6 months. He noticed from the start that I'm private with my private life and it never really was an issue at first which i loved about him. He was willing to go slow and let me be comfortable. He knows the basic things about me, my friends, who i went to school with, my parents, my siblings, my extended family, my childhood, my exes etc. Most of those things he knows only because he forced them out of me and threatened to leave me if i wasn't more open, literally right on the spot when he asked - which to be honest i slightly resent him for.

He simply wants more from me. He wants to know my siblings social media accounts, he wants to know my passwords for my social media etc. Now that I've let him into all of those other things he now uses them against me for if i don't tell him more. For example - i had a situation with girls from my high school that caused me a lot of anxiety and stress and he threatens to message them to find out the answer to the questions that i won't answer. Another example is i told him about how my ex was abusive and he also threatens to message him asking him questions about me too.

It's hard to let him in because I'm scared the more he knows the more he will abuse my emotions. It is hard to undo 22 years of habit and let go of a level of comfort in 6 months. Especially when the trust is abused and broken constantly

This is our main issue and i know if he see's my point of view he will realise that i am not doing it to hurt him. I literally can't help it. I don't want to force myself to be a certain way
I used to understand his point of view and i keep on trying to be more open but i am shocked he can't see my point of view. Can anyone else see my point of view or am i crazy?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • why haven't you changed your password? I get where you are coming from he just lacks basic respect and social mannerisms. Just going to be blunt about this. He is abusing you and you really should leave him. constantly threatening to go behind your back is abuse and worst part is that is where it starts. then it goes to he hit me because I did something dumb (excuse me that is never okay) then from there it becomes he only beats me to a pulp when he is drunk. Again not okay at all like zero justification not okay.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your partner shouldn't be threatening you, and demanding your passwords is ridiculous. Tell hom that it's genuinely hard to talk about these things because ot hurts, and if he can't respect that, he's not respecting you're relationship and honestly doesn't deserve to be with you. In my opinion.

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What Girls & Guys Said

36
  • Although it's wrong him trying to force it out of u like that u can't be surprised as your partner is meant to be the closest person to you keeping him at arms reach and treating him like he is just a friend would be hard I don't know any guy that would stay in a situation like that

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  • I can understand your point of view, you don't want someone using your personal information to hurt you. I just wish he could understand your reasons for being this way and truly respect it

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  • You know damn well you're in a toxic relationship so why bother complain? Some women now a days are dumber than spongebob and patrick put together smh

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  • Just change the password of your social media ASAP and leave him he is going to be a big trouble for you in future.
    He is not a lover he is going to use you for his need you tell him all your secrets.

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  • He should respect your view. It's okay to want keep some things private.

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  • Both of you seem to have issues, and I suspect at least one of you is making the other worse.

    You need to open up in a relationship. He wants to know you, not a fake idea of you, and for you to feel cared for or even loved, you actually need to believe he sees the real you. Drop the damn walls.

    On the other side, he does not need to know your damn passwords.

    Now did he push because you wouldn't talk, or are you clamming up because he's controlling, or both? I don't know. But my advice is for you to be much more open, but him to get out of the snooping business.

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  • Love isn't forced.
    He's forcing you, not loving you.

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  • Being private is awkward when your partner expects you to be open with them

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  • Become more open.

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