I don’t want my boyfriend to look good. Is this wrong?

Hi y’all. So my boyfriend and I have been dating over a year. In the beginning we both were gym heads. He was nice slim and cut, always shaved and looked nice. When I got preg he gained about 40 pounds and never really shaved or got dressed nice. Last week he went out with friends and shaved finally. Before he went out he said that he feels young again and now all week he’s been trying to eat good and bought all this health stuff. He wants to workout again. Is it wrong of me for me not wanting him to do that? I know once he does that girls will be all over him. Especially cause he goes out alone since I’m with the baby. I trust him but a part of me thinks he might entertain these girls out there. I never worried about it before cause he looked a mess tbh. But now I’m nervous cause he’ll look how he did before, which was amazing. I can’t go back to the gym for one more week so I feel like I need to make myself look nice all the time so he doesn’t look other ways.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to support him.
    he's going to do it regardless and YOU get the brownie points for being there and motivating him.

    Let not jealousy cause a druft.
    He can sense if you're on his team or not and may not understand or even might over look why.

    You want to be the girl he attempts to attract when he's sexy again, YOU need to be there, right in fron off his face.

    Start finding a way to go out with him to, just a liitle reninder to him that you two are one.

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    • This isn't about you having to look pretty either.

      Most respectable guys dont stray if their woman is evidentally their numero uno, their friend, their other half.
      This is about you telling him how you feel and showing ur still willing to go miles for him.

      We have to do it for our wives and gfs many many many times.
      It shows us whats important when our lady does it for us.

    • I am here for him. I been supporting him. It’s just deep down I feel uneasy about it.
      I try to go out with him but he usually doesn’t invite me... says it’s a guys thing.
      I did mention how I wanted to be included and he said we can have date night - which I love but I don't know why I can’t go out too. He says I have to stay with the baby. N this right here is why I feel uneasy. Why can’t I go and why is he getting his looks together to go out and impress who while I’m not there.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I can totally understand you!! It’s like you can’t catch up lookswise because you’re now busy taking care of the baby, if that makes sense? I would say you’re being irrational about the whole situation because him looking nice JUST gives him an self confidence boost and who doesn’t like feeling self confident? You can both take the time to get dressed up and go to fancy places. I bet both of you look amazing together as a couple so seriously don’t worry, if he was the kind of guy who relies on female attention then he would’ve taken care of his appearance MONTHSS or even YEARS ago ❤️❤️

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    • It does give him confidence and I wouldn’t mind him cleaning up but I know for a fact once he does girls will be all over him and that’s what I don’t want. I don’t trust them and I don't know of my boyfriend will fight the urge, especially if a more attractive girl approaches him.
      I’m not ugly ya know. I think I’m very pretty but I did gain a little weight when I was preg and seeing him trying to look good and I’m just like uhhhh. It makes me feel like he wants that attention. Then him mentioning he feels like he’s in his 20s makes me nervous cause I’m his 20s he was all about girls and drinking and stuff. He’s 33 by the way.

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    • How you feel is very logical.

      But remember we all grew up in a "look good, feel good" cukture.
      A bunch of superficial vanity.

      When my ole lady gets dressed uo, I get the "ehhh" feeling sometimes, but God reminds me, that she is trying to feel good about herself, and that she's in the room getting dressed wuth me.

      If I'm doing my part, and she's a decent being, which she is, she won't stray.

      But overall it isn't about me in those times, she just wants to feel good.

      So then I focus on ways I can make her feel good, and great as she is.

      Sorry you're going through it all, especially after the baby, but work through it with him.

      Definitely talk to him about it and ask questions.

    • I just don’t know what questions to ask. I don’t want to bring up that I’m insecure. N usually when I ask him if he’s still attracted to me and stuff of course he says yes. I know he wants to get dressed up to feel good about himself but I can’t help but think why else are you doing it. For attention from other girls? Cause if I love you how u look why are you still trying to go back to what you were when you were pulling girls you know?

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What Guys Said 69

  • In fact it shows your insecurities and fear that he might leave you. You say you don't want him to look good because you "know once he does that girls will be all over him", well that shows that you think he may replace you and leave you with the baby. Fear is natural especially after a pregnancy when you need his support and help...

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  • Oh Jesus fucking Christ. If I hear one more woman say "its not that I don't trust him..." that's EXACTLY what it is. You're so insecure that you'd rather he be unhealthy than to possibly leave you. Thats fucked up.

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    • THANK YOU, and to all the people telling her it is normal, this proves my point that many people normalize dysfunctional relationships and those who don't should just continue being picky. Almost all my men were afraid of me looking good and it led to childish psychological games that could have destroyed me, then they's tell people that after a while of dating women they change as if they have nothing to do with that.

  • It's not right or wrong. It's just how you feel. Good thing is you know that's just how you feel and you can decide to support your guy in bettering himself. Because your options are support him, do nothing and feel insecure, or tear him down. And I don't think you want to be that partner.

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  • Yes, it is a problem. You need to be comfortable with yourself and comfortable with the strength of your relationship. You do not want to put any limits on the man. If limits or restrictions are given, it will be natural for him to eventually want to break and ignore those restrictions. If you do not want the relationship to fail, then you should not worry the way he dresses.

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  • Don't worry about it. You are just insecure, and while it's normal, too much of it can be detrimental to the relationship

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    • How do I deal with this
      It really bothers me

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    • I'm with Felix. Don't worry about it, it's not like he's going to be a good after one week. Go on runs with him, eat healthy together.

    • God*******

  • Don't worry girls don't approach guys unless they're really drunk, horny and desperate. It's not a good look, it's a big turnoff for normal guys. And they only go for ugly guys in those situations cause they fear rejection so pick out the guys who are extremely unlikely to say no because they never get laid.

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  • Ok 1st off this is not normal thinking. 2. You should never want your partner to look bad.
    3. If he is going to cheat there really isn't anything you can do about.
    4. He probably needs to stop going out if its that frequent.
    5 you need to focus on your newborn baby and so should he.

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    • You support the father. But the baby needs a father. So she is worried and that is normal. Because if you know this world you should know by now how things are going and woman are waiting to seduce him even they do not love him but to take him away from her and they do that for fun to many people.

    • @bijbee 1. If Uknew how the world really works. It is not normal2 just have a child& be worried about ur partner cheating onU. That is called insecurity&perpetuating those kinds of behaviors is not healthy&should not be fed as2become normal. Cuz then they multiply. Her 1st instinct should be2 be a mother2 that child. please do not put words in or interpret what i write, bcuzi did not once support the father. In fact i said they both should stay at home more but that is none of our business. Thats between them2& the question was about her wanting him2 look bad so that girls wouldn't pick up on him. Really talk about unhealthy& borderline psycho, Ushould never want the worst for people especially4your partner&definitely not ifU have a child thats wrong. So please read carefully next time so that wayUdont look foolish commenting on thingsU obviously know nothing about. PLUS SHE CAN BE FATHER&MOTHER IF SHE NEEDS2 BE. SINGLE FAMILY HOMES ARE GREAT HOMES. she works out im sure she is buff.

  • Honey, you can't stop someone from bettering themselves. Your boyfriend could really benefit from this. Maybe the issue isn't really on your boyfriend looking good. Have you considered that maybe you're feeling insecure about yourself? Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about this? It never fails to try and communicate with your loved one.

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  • Since when are girls all over guys. Usually they just adjust their hair a little and think that's hitting in him

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    • Some put themselves out there more. Like sitting down next to him and hoping he talks to them. Or a takes a big step and casually starts conversation with someone nearby and making eye contact, to semi include him. Next level up is tapping his shoulder mid convo. That's the big guns lol

  • It sounds like you're just jealous. Not saying that's bad or weird, but that's just what it sounds like. If he's a good boyfriend, he won't cheat.

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    • She is allowed being jealous. I know what you mean it is good being free. But the baby needs a father.

    • What I'm saying is that if he is a good boyfriend, he will stay with her and not cheat... and then go on to be a good father for the baby.

  • You are selfish, manipulative, insecure and want the worst for your boyfriend.

    With someone like you on his side, who needs an enemy?

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    • Thank you, with so many people agreeing with her, I see why people with functioning brains should continue to be picky. She sounds like a girlfriend that would pour acid on her man if she felt he could leave her. Not sure why her post doesn't scream psycho to everyone else.

    • @azzntittiz
      Yes i you are right.
      Sh'e's totally aganst the relationship and her Boyfriend. If she want's to change so should start to think completly different right now. She is literally sabotaging the relationship. Then after a few years, she complains about "where are the good men?" or things like that.

  • First of all you never put restrictions on a person. Always remember restrictions are the beginning of a rebellion. You know what if you feel like you can't trust so much, you should share these thoughts to him. He will surely win your trust thoroughly all over again like earlier.
    Wish you all the best for your relationship and your health.

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    • Sorry I forgot to write the answer of your main part of the question.
      It's not wrong in wanting anything until it takes away rights and needs of any other person.

  • It's wrong of you. People, including yourself are better and happier when you are the best version of yourself.

    Not to mention being healthy means living longer. Heaven forbid wanting that.

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  • Wanting it, no nothing wrong with that. I think its natural to be a bit jealous. Acting on those feelings, yes that is wrong. I mean you should also want him to be healthy and confident and happy. Those feeling should be stronger than the former.

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  • So basically you want him to be ugly and lonely so you can keep him for yourself. That's not love, that's how someone feel about an objet he owns.

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  • It's a genuine worry but still be aware that it's a bit selfish. Make sure to do things as a family. Don't write him off but give him even more reasons to stay.

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  • Dont you think if he gets fit, he will be healthy? that would benefit the whole family in the long run.

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  • It's not an abnormal fear at all. However, I think it's important that you lend him your trust, and not worry about whether he'll stray just because he looks good.
    As long as you keep showing him love and attention, and express love and awe for his changing physique, he should stick around. I would imagine that he loves you.

    And if he were to stray, it simply wasn't meant to be. A person who cheats is not a person with whom you want to raise a child.

    Revel in his pursuit of happiness, and he will hopefully do the same.

    Don't worry about losing him. He chose you the first time around, didn't he?

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  • well how about u ask him to wait a week to work out so u can go with him

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  • You should not worry about him, if he loves you turely then he will never cheat with you, it's grt to maintain ourselves, stay healthy, you need to be supportive, and be happy.

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  • if he really wants you, he won't leave you, it should make u feel better about being together with him, and if he wanted to cheat he would of already, and you might aswell enjoy his body

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  • Tiu shouldn't have gotten pregnant from a guy you apparently don't trust much.

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  • why don't you talk to him and work something out where both of you live a healthier life with compromises through the baby. maybe he also takes care of it so you get some time for yourself

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  • The way you are going about things is not healthy. You need to talk to him about how you have been feeling. If you do not then you can not expect things to get better.

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  • I can understand that kind of thought but you also need to think about it this way, you thought he was a mess before right? Now you can have him looking good for you. Just tell him this and if he is a good guy, he'll reassure you and then you've got yourself a good looking guy to be proud about. Maybe go on a date just you two so you can remind each other its just you two. We don't always go and workout just because we want to pull all kinds of girls, sometimes its just for us. Or for our partner.

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  • It is natural for humans to feel that way. Although, if you feel that you have to put in so much to prevent him from looking the other way then I would say that the bigger issue here is trust.

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  • It's fine that he wants to be healthy, what is not right is that he always go out without you.. he got a baby and he need to make responsable of the child and also with you

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  • If you really trust him then you don't need to worry much about it but looking nice for him is something to do naturally not just for this

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  • You're letting your insecurity overtake you! You have to trust him!

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    • Boy please. Lol

    • It’s kinda of human nature to look for better.

    • U wanting ur boyfriend to look less conventionally attractive, out of fear of him cheating... is totally your insecurity talking.

  • Tell him your in to the dad bod. But understand if he wants to work out, because it helps him with whatever.

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What Girls Said 45

  • It's really selfish to not want him to look and feel good and healthy. He's with you for a reason and a good reason since you even have his child.
    What you really need is to start trusting your man more than that. He deserves to be trusted and loved with whatever decision he makes. Please try to be more supportive because trust me.. the more you try to hold him back from what makes him feel confident and good, and healthy, the more you will be losing him

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    • That's another story... There is a huge difference between the lack of affection and him wanting to be fit and good looking. And in order to actually solve a problem u need to address it and discuss it with your partner. The worst thing you can do is keep it to yourself because you see what this lack of transparency and communication results in - you getting jealous and insecure of something that is healthy and good for him.

      I highly advise you to talk to him, have a deep conversation about the things that bother you, the way you feel lately, and try and solve your problems together

    • Start expanding your knowledge, invest in reading, be more intelligent than him. He will soon be head over heels for you.
      A man will always crave a woman who can give the best advice, and only knowledge can bring you that. Being sexy and hot can only help so much. But if you act upon what I said, you will have him for life.

  • Oh here is the thing. You guys got married and said you'd be together for better or worse. I totally get that you felt better when he's not looking as great but that is what the problem is. You need to feel better. You may be able to do it on you own but you may need a therapist to guide you through. Him being healthy and fit will benefit you all in the long run.

    Post partum is a real thing that no one is mentioning. It may make you feel a way that normally you wouldn't.

    It's so important to talk to him about these things. Remember that you married him. You chose him because you believe that he is your life partner your biggest supporter and confidant. It may seem strange to express your real feelings to him but you just need to. It's his duty as a husband to help you get through this. It's your duty as a wife to allow him the chance to be your support system.

    Just think about it like this, what if he were going through something and he told everyone but you? He told strangers but not you. He asked everyone for help but you. How would you feel?

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  • That's not uncommon feeling to want your man all to yourself but he should be able to feel good about himself. Yes, he may get more attention now so you should talk to him about it and strengthen your bond. Inspire your partner to feel good about them self while making things stronger between you. Just because others want him doesn't mean he will want them back when he has you and a family. As long as he knows that your okay. Talk to him about it.

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    • Better than my advice and shorter👌👍💣💥

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    • I wouldn't phrase it that way say something along the lines of I see you've been working out getting into shape feeling like your old self again and that's great. I wish I could work out with you too. As much as a love your new self confident I have to admit I'm a not insecure. I can't be up to par with you and I hope that doesn't make you think less of me. When you go out there may be other women who make your current mode more than I do. But I care about and hope that this difference won't grow us apart. I mean you prob won't say that exactly ya know but something similar to him.

    • *typo I have to admit I feel a bit insecure instead of I'm not a insecure. Also it should be women who match your mode not make. Geez I should of read over that before I sent it lol

  • I would so encourage him to get fit again... he loves you and the baby and is now taking an interest in how he looks (for you!).

    Also, if he looks anything like the pic on this question, i would SO want him to be that fit again... just think, wouldn't be long before you have another baby on the way with him looking that good!

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  • Insecurities. You're only being insecure. It is something common after pregnancy especially because of society and media projecting women like they are flawless dolls.

    And believe me, if he loves you then he will never cheat on you. I can't give you any tips on feeling better except that it is completely something that YOU have to work on.

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  • I would be worried if he does think and is busy with his looking good thing. It not just you might not trust him but I do not trust those woman that are busy stealing on purpose man from a woman so they are alone with the baby. A child needs a father. I hope you are really lucky. I would be worried too.

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  • Let him do what he wants. He probably doesn't feel comfortable with himself at the moment so he wants to get healthy again. It doesn't mean he's looking elsewhere. Your insecurities are taking over - you need to keep them in check. Even if he did cheat and run off, what can you do? Nothing. You can't prevent or stop it, so there's no point in worrying and potentially pushing him away. He is likely just making himself feel better, why not get involved where you can?

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  • I think it's okay to want him less 'hot', but in this situation I think his health and happiness also play a role. Exercise and healthy food can help him to have more energy and feel better and I think that is an important reason to let him.

    You can tell him your worries, he might be able to ease them :)

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  • It is wrong.

    40 pounds is a lot, let him get healthy again, this will benefit you, your kid and him!
    Do you want to be with a man who let himself go completely, is very unhealthy and unhappy? Just so you can be sure no woman will want him?
    Are you really that insecure about his feelings for you?

    Support him. Be the woman he wants to turn to, by being there for him, supporting him.

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  • You’re overthinking this.

    As his partner you want him to know you for supporting what he feels good about. That’s how you keep your partner

    You don’t keep them by reinforcing the worst qualities.

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  • I'd say let it motivate you to better yourself too. And I don't know why you would want your man to feel bad about himself just so you can feel secure. It's not just about his looks. It's about his health too. I'd also suggest finding a baby sitter and going out with him sometimes. But you should definitely support him and talk to him about how you feel. I bet he'll hug you and reassure you that you're the sexy woman in his life.

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    • I want to I just don’t know how to bring it up

    • Just do it. Tell him since having the baby you've Been a bit insecure about yourself. Tell him I love that you've Been bettering yourself but you can't help but feel a little scared that he's looking so hot and you worry something better might come along. Just be honest and trust he won't judge you.

  • Actually i love when my boyfriend looks sexy. This way i am so proud of him. Because he takes care of himself ; he is happy the way he looks. Also i can walk near him, also send the message to other girls this sexy man is all mine ;)

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  • Would you date a 5'2, skinny black guy with dreadlocks who's 20 years old but looks 16? He's really nice and a little childish. He's also unemployed and struggling to get a job.

    If you were 17 would you date him? P
    And yes you are wrong. You shouldn't be controlling his appearance

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  • Let me tell something. He gonna leave if you don’t step up. Also, instead of wanting him to be fat. I would be happy that he healthy. Give some support. Also, just hire a babysitter so u can date your husband. Hire me. I am babysitter. Lol

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    • I think it’s worth hiring a babysitter in the long run so you can go out and workout. Have some time for yourself.

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    • @Casus_Angelus well funny if you mention marketing. I am planing to try that next. Also I want start a babysitting business but super small.

    • There you go

  • Just normal irrational fears. Your body has gone through a lot of changes and you are probably feeling it mentally and visually. You will get back in shape but you may feel you have priorities for baby. Support him and tell him you would love to go out with him one night as he is soo hot. I’m sure he wouldn’t do anything silly with his mates. It’s good he is taking a break (I need to as well) could you get dressed up and go out with your mates?

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  • well you dont trust him to the extrent that he won't flirt with other girls, that is the real issue here
    I would talk to him about you worries and how you feel and make him ease your mind about it

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  • It's natural, I think, especially after having a baby to feel insecure about yourself and your relationship. Things will get better, just be honest sith your partner.

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  • Yes it is wrong for you... but at the same time no it not wrong for you because u know what will happen and u love him just the way he is... and not only that though butifhe truly loves u he wouldn't cheat nor think about cheat on you...

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  • This is borderline abusive thinking. You're being like that guy who wants his girlfriend to cover up, and not look nice because of their own insecurities of knowing that they're too good for them and might realise it one day.

    Your man loves you, but if you start keeping him from dressing how he wants and taking care of himself, he's going to realise you're not good enough for him. You're the problem here not him.

    Who cares about other women, he's with you. Unless he's been cheating in the past you have nothing to worry about, which from the information given it leading me to believe he's never done so. Let him be confidence and happy in his own skin. Soon you can start working out with him and make sure you can feel good un your own skin again.

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    • Confident and happy*
      Feel good in your own skin*

    • Yes girl, I can't stand these men sometimes but I mean, if it were a dude that said what she did we'd see him for exactly who he is... a sicko with problems and a danger to any good woman. I am fearful for her man really.

    • @azzntittiz slightly off topic but that lipstick in your profile pic is awesome 👄

  • Firstly, sometimes you should go out alone with your friends and leave him with the baby. That’s not fair you don’t get to go out.

    Secondly, I know how you feel. I ended a relationship a few months ago, and it was very, very hard on me. I gained some weight from it and haven’t felt as secure in myself. I started going to the gym again, but, it will take a while to get back to where i was.

    The guy I am dating now, he is fairly fit. He has a nice body, and he has pretty impressive muscle mass. Also, he dresses nicely and isn’t shy at all lol. I am sure women check him out all the time. However, I trust that he is with ME. He goes out alone, and so do i. And tbh, he is the one making jokes about ME getting hit on and leaving him, lol.

    The key is confidence. And, I know how you are feeling because of the changes in your body and all that. But, he is with YOU. He is looking good for himself and it has nothing to do with other women, or wanting to leave.

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  • yah kinda wrong. be happy for him.

    instead of feeling like that, start to improve yourself like him. if u can't go to the gym yet, at least eat healthy foods as a starter. then gym after a week.

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  • girl what? he can do what he wants. ur being silly and y wouldn't u want a guy that looks amazing, the reason u gave was silly

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  • Why is shaving apart of this?😂
    @2opaz doesn’t care what I look like right honey

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    • I love you for whats on the inside. You could have hairy Sasquatch legs for all i care <3

      at least you'd keep me warm when we cuddle :)

    • @2opaz thanks baby you’re the greatest ❤️❤️

    • No, U r 😘

  • Yeah, it’s wrong for your own insecurity to not want your own husband to be healthy. but I suspect you already know this deep down inside.

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  • To me yes, it's wrong n have some psychological issues coz it should make u happy n work harder to keep him.

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  • Uh, yeah it's a little weird, and wrong. I guess there's nothing wrong with wanting it but, I mean you should want him to be healthy and confident.

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  • You sound dangerous, be careful of letting that insecurity take over.

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  • I think it is only because if they want to look good and be skinny then you should support him

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  • Your boyfriend wants to feel comfortable in his body and you can't deny that for him

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  • What the fuck? I think that is wrong. So you want your partner to do that just because you are insecure? If he didn't gave a fuck about your or wanted to cheat , he wouldn't be there , to pay for you and you child (since I dont think you work right now).

    But If he knew what you think. I dont think he will stay with you too long before he realize you dont trust him enough. He is a grown man. If you dont like that? Then loose weight. Go to gym after your baby is old enough (you can't loose weight right now because it will affect the milk you give to the baby , and he"ll get less ).

    Stop being like that. and maybe. Think this way. After pregnancy. Most women gets that feeling. But even tho.

    by the way. A real man wouldn't let his woman just because she gained a couple of pounds. But if you get lazy , complain and dont trust him. He won't stay with you just because you are the mother of his baby.

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