Would it be a dealbreaker if you knew the person you're seeing did things you are against?

Like if you are heavily against e. g. smoking, drugs, getting drunk, ... and they have done it before/ aren't afraid to do it, but haven't done it in a while.

Would it be a dealbreaker if you knew the person you're seeing did things you are against?
  • Past is the past
    Vote A
  • Dealbreaker
    Vote B
  • Give them a chance but be wary
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Girl

  • It really depends. I don’t like smoking, but as long as they don’t taste like cigarettes when I kiss them, it’s okay. And as long as they aren’t ditching me every ten minutes for a smoke break, it’s okay. Drinking is okay as long as they aren’t getting plastered every night. I dated a guy that was a borderline alcoholic and I couldn’t really deal with it anymore. And it depends on the type of drugs, weed is okay as long as it isn’t affecting their everyday life or breaking the bank. And as long as they don’t expect me to do it too. But harder drugs are a huge deal breaker, if there’s even the slightest chance that they’re still doing them, I would break all contact.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know that I like people who have my type of mindset. I also know that it's true with most people in the world.

    One more thing I know is that, nothing is right nor is anything wrong.

    Nothing is real. Everything is permitted.

    So, I'm a curious person naturally. Curious, why people don't agree with me. Curious, what made them see the world in the opposite way of mine.

    So, yes, I'm welcoming.

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    • "Nothing is true everything is permitted" assassins creed xD

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What Girls & Guys Said

1146
  • You know? I guess so. I'm not really interested in a gal who's addicted to amphetamines, or who hunts for fun.
    I'm also careful about women who subscribe heavily to a religion - but that's often for their own sake. If I'm indifferent toward something so important to them, it'll never work.

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  • Everyone has different views when it comes to what a deal breaker is. However, this is why it's important to get to know someone better before you make anything official, and most certainly before getting intimate. It's a sure fire way to set yourself up for disappointment and heartache, coming into something with someone with the hopes of changing them. It's best to be open to meeting someone that shares the same values and ideas as you do.

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  • everyone has the right to do whatever floats their boat. be it smoking, drinking, and even using drugs (they can do it, but have to deal with the consequences as well). but yeah, doing things im AGAINST is diferent than that. im completely against child abuse. i definitely wouldn't date someone who commited child abuse. so if i was completely against smoking, yeah, it would be a deal breaker.

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  • I dont want to judge a girl on her past in terms of addictions if she is clean now. I see it as a great strength to have overcome something so difficult. I'd be careful though.

    However I would not feel the same way if she had a history of slutty behaviour or if she cheated on people. Something about that makes me feel very uncomfortable. Can't be vulnerable with someone known to break trust.

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  • I have no problem with people who do drugs, but I myself will not do drugs nor will I date anybody that does drugs. So that being said If someone does something I'm against it's a deal breaker.

    If someone says they haven't done something "in a while" they probally just did drugs or drunk a couple muinets/hours ago. Meaning there will do it again.

    Now if that person has quit smoking and been sober for a good amount of time then I'll give them a chance.

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  • My current partner was a heroin addict 15 years ago... after the initial 'oh dear' I realized it's what made him more determined to succeed and more focused on staying healthy. He now supports and works with other addicts in his spare time... so yes, past is past

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    • Thats great to hear :) I've noticed a lot of my friends who quit drugs have always helped others to do it. In a way it makes them better people

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    • He told me because he works with other addicts... so naturally he told me why... I didn't interrogate him

    • bet it made you feel sorry for him tho lol

  • It really depends on what it is. I mean was it trying Marijuana or was is killing someone? I know that seems extreme but what if they were like in porn or something and the evidence of their past is everywhere for everyone to see.

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  • I already have my own problems, I don't need someone else's baggage. I might reconsider if I see clear signs of transformation. But at that time I would still be weary.

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  • Well a long history of previous partners is a big red flag. I refuse to date someone that smokes.

    For the most part it's important I know previous behavior was in the distant past and wasn't part of the future. But I can't overlook promiscuity, that's one thing that doesn't truly die.

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  • So they haven't done it in a while, but isn't opposed to start doing it again?

    In that case yes it's a deal breaker. Smoking is a deal breaker for me and I don't want some wishy washy bs about not doing it but thinking about doing it.

    Nope I need her to be committed to quiting and not doing it anymore.

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  • The only thing I'm against is cheating for the most part and treating me like shit... Drugs and Alcohol are used by most for relaxation or for a little pick me up, now when you cross that line from partying/recreational use over to the dark side where you can't or won't do anything without it then you've got a problem... People that make that transition usually has something that killing them inside and or something within their everyday life that effecting them... everying in moderation

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  • For me, that's a judgement call from person to person. How interested are you and could that person be worth compromising some of your ideals. Just remember, if you do compromise in the beginning, you shouldn't hold those actions against them later. That will be your problem because you knew going in.

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  • Depends on how she feels about it now. But based on the question that she hasn't done in just because she hasn't and not because she has changed, then our values are different and we'd be better off as friends. Obviously only with really important issues and not something like eating at McDonald's

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  • I disliked my partner smoking and drinking and 420ing 'cause I didn't like the taste of kissing her, but aside from that I was fine with her doing it

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  • Depends on what she did. If she would cheat me with another guy for example it would be a dealbreaker but if she is just very drunk so she is passed out she would have some chances to do better.

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  • I am totally against street fighting but oh well my boyfriend used to do that. I think if you want someone's future you should forget their past. He's trying to be better person I think we all have chapters we are not very proud of.

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  • I would never date a current smoker (unless it was clear they were trying to quit) and the only other thing I'm against is cheating and my ex did that before I started dating her.

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  • If they do things that I consider a deal breaking while with me it is over or given a certain amount of time to improve themself depend on how long we were together at that point.

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  • I think if you really like this person or are interested in them I think that it is worth giving them a shot. I think every person deserves a chance to show who they really are!

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  • Why is there an option to not care? I could be against religion but that doesn't mean i wouldn't be with someone religious.

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  • Make it clear to them your opinion, but LEAVE IT AT THAT. If it arises again in the future, discuss potential circumstances and guidelines.

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  • Give them a second chance. But if they mess up, then I'm leaving. I don't need that drama in my life.

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  • The past is the past. The only thing that would bother me about the past is if they've had tons of sex lol

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  • Smoking cigarettes or weed isn't a deal breaker. Getting drunk regularly, a history of hard drug, or a promiscuous past is a deal breaker.

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  • If they're gonna do it again, then yes it's a deal breaker

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  • It is a deal breaker if she was on drugs. Wants off them I would be wary. No drugs for me I don't want them

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  • I smoke, and if the person that I love told me they don't like it Id at least switch to vaping. It's in the past.

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  • Well I didn't take illegal drugs, but I smoke and sometimes I get drunk. Does this make me a bad person? Did it every stopped me from helping others? Does it make me egoistic, mean or something else?
    People have different lifestyles and different phases in their lifes. What happend in the past doesn't show you a view in the future. I couldn't care less if someone did so. Only thing important is what she does now. And even there it's her thing. When it makes her happy to smoke, then how could I take the right to forbid it to her? We are grown people and she has to deal with her own habits. As long as she don't forget about her manners, we're perfectly fine.

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    • Ah yeah and I won't end things I like for others. You can take the whole or nothing. No changes.

  • If a woman I was with had an abortion I would break all contact with her.

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  • Smoking is an instant deal breaker for me. I won't even fuck her.

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  • Depends on severity. Usually I'd let bygones be bygones

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  • If that was the case, almost everything would be a dealbreaker..

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  • Past is the past. But if they keep doing it then ima have to let em go. I have morals

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  • Yeah but I wouldn't be seeing them before I knew these things

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  • Past is the past indeed but it would be a different story if they are going to do it again

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  • i don't care, if she have ping lower than 20 im gonna marry her 😂

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  • In a free country you should be free to do what you like, without a pazronisibg partner.

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  • Depends what it is and how he treats me.

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  • I won't date a girl who doesn't smoke weed

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    • What is so amazing about weed that she HAS to smoke it?

    • @Sara3009 I don't think its important that she smokes but it helps mmake a closeness before sex and it does help increase pleasure while relaxing and overall sensations are intensified

  • I would at least discuss it. Informally

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  • If they stop then it is okay

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  • Yeah indeed especially if he's a smoker

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  • if they stop then yeah

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  • I don't care. Past is past.

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  • If he votes Tory... he can get out.

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  • Great sex ! What else do you need?

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  • I would give her a chance but never do it again.

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  • Does not matter Its Up To Them Its Their Life

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  • Past is past

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  • i don't like smoking, so no. it depends.

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