How to gently turn a guy down?

What is the best way to turn a guy down without dragging things out or hurting anyone's feelings? I think one of my coworkers likes me and has started ramping things up a little from our normal friendly jokes and banter to him getting me small gifts (generally a baked good) and being more than just a little considerate towards me. Then there's the small fact that he kind of tried to arrange us getting dinner together on a day off. I've done my best to keep things friendly and while I think that he could still just being friendly, there has certainly been a large shift in the relationship.

Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy and I really like being friends with him. We work well together and we get along great. I just am not dating right now. Life is too crazy and between working a full time job and being a full time graduate student, I literally only have time for me and maybe one social event a week that I balance between friends and family. I tried dating with this workload and it did not end well. I was stressed out all the time from having to try and make time out of thin air to spend with him and he was hurt when it was more often than not that I didn't have that time. It felt like a sigh of relief when we finally broke up.

So what do I do? Do I wait until it becomes glaringly obvious that he is flirting and asking me out, or do I try and relay the message that I'm not interested now? Either way, how do I go about doing that?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just be honest!! The worst thing to do is lie, and lead him on or tell him something that makes him think that he might still have a chance with you, OK?
    Now, about the 'lie' part, if you aren't serious with another person, the easiest way it to say that you really are committed to someone else, and you really like how nice he has been, and that you don't want to hurt him, but that you are with someone else.
    If is a respectable guy, he will offer you best wishes, and just smile, and leave you be, though he might be really hurt, inside.
    He will find another!!! I've been there many times, and sometimes she was in love with another woman, and I totally missed it!!
    Women just seem to have such a nice, gentle, caring nature, that a lot of guy misunderstand that just being nice, as you are, is somehow an 'invitation' to something more, when it isn't.
    More mature guys can read the difference, but younger guys aren't experienced enough. Hurting him is bad, but it will help him figure it out, and he will be better off, later, OK?
    Don't feel bad rejecting him, if he isn't what you want, but be nice about it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • be honest. that's it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

04
  • I think you nailed it perfectly. I am not dating anyone right now. I just got out of a lousy relationship and I need to take care of me first. But thank you. You are very sweet and I appreciate your friendship.

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  • The quickest way I think... Is to say...

    I see you as a brother... And I love the fact that you'll take care of me like a sister to you... Thanks...

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  • Just hint that you really appreciate his friendship

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  • Lie and say you’re already in a relationship..

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