If my partner hurts me emotionally should I tell him or keep it to myself?

I'm reflecting over my past relationships and why they've ended. The biggest reason I can think of is when my feelings get hurt. When I was a little girl my dad was emotionally abusive and often said things that hurt my feelings and my instinctive reaction was to run and tell my mom what happened and she would make it all better. I always felt communication was very important in relationships. When a partner does something to hurt me emotionally I try to bring it up with them to get them to make it better. The problem is that they usually take this as an insult or criticism and I usually end up apologising to them! My mom got along with my dad because she bottled everything up and kept it all to herself. Is this what most girlfriends do? When I'm upset should i keep it to myself? Or are the guys I'm meeting just bad people? I really don't know the answer I'm so confused.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's tough...

    Thinking people shouldn't take things personally doesn't work...
    If I'm criticising you... You'll take it personally...

    If you say... You know what the problem is? And the problem turns out to be me... You can almost 100% assume I'll stop listening...

    I'd recommend that you come up with some suggestions instead... And make it about you...

    Like... Honey, I really enjoy being asked if I'm ok during the day... Will you text me when you have a break at work?

    Or...

    Honey... I need to openly discuss situations to understand them... Let me know when you can tell me more about that new job you're talking about...

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Most Helpful Girl

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What Girls & Guys Said

06
  • This is not normal. Relationships are built on trust and communication. My mom is mostly submissive to my dad in a bad way (mostly sexist ways) and that affected me as a son who loves my mom. I won't go to deeper details but trust me you dont want to make things worse by not talking about it.

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  • Tell him and if he gets upset leave him. If there is a problem now it's only going to get worse later on. Do yourself a solid and find someone who cares and doesn't hurt you emotionally or that cares enough to notice of he does by accident.

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  • No honesty is the best policy but when telling someone that they hurt you u have to do it in a way that shows u understand they didn't mean to do it and u are not blaming them but you are still hurt

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  • I think you should tell them how you feel, a good guy will listen and try to be more cognizant of what he's saying

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  • Tell him. He may not even realize he did it.

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  • You should tell him.

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