Guys, why didn’t he message me after the date?

I saw a guy on tinder and followed him on insta after we matched. He messaged me on insta and we got talking. A few days later he said he was coming to town to visit his family (he works a few hours away from me) and that he wanted to see me. He’s in the army and constantly moves around for work

i told him I had a dinner so he asked me to go drive ins after so I said yes.
In his car we got talking and then the movie started. He pulled me in for a cuddle and about 20 mins into the movie I sat up to get comfortable and he grabbed my face and kissed me. I could tell he wanted to have sex
I couldn’t help but intensely kiss him back but had to pull back before it got too heated

He eventually pulled me on top of him and I said no we can’t and he’s like okay we won’t then put my hair behind my ear and said god you’re a pretty one aren’t you
I kissed him lightly and turned back and he wanted to hold my hand and softly kissed my shoulder and smelt my hair. After the he tried again and we got heated kissing and I reminded him I didn’t want to have sex and he was okay he lay on me for half an hour and we just talked
I said I should go as it was really late and we sat and kissed for awhile until I left.

I haven’t heard from him
Why do you think that is?
  • He likes you but doesn’t want anything serious
    Vote A
  • You didn’t have sex with him
    Vote B
  • He doesn’t give a fuck
    Vote C
  • He’s playing it cool
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Ok so we ended up speaking today and he was being really flirty. We then started talking about him back at work and he sent me a picture of him in his uniform and I said he looks hot. He told me “maybe one day I’ll dress up for you” and anyway we were flirty for awhile. Now I’m more confused hah

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This doesn't sound like a guy who cares or wants anything serious. But He's looking for some action right now. Since you were looking for something more serious he could tell it wasn't going to work and didn't bother texting you. Its hard to tell for sure, but I wouldn't worry too much about this guy. The right guy will not make you question your value to him.

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    • Yeah I think you’re right. He definitely said things which made me feel like he really enjoyed my company Outside of the fact he wanted to have sex but he also spoke about his friends relationships failing due to working in the army. I think he’s not looking for a relationship and you are probably right that he could sense more from me which is why there’s no point messaging
      Disappointing though when you don’t get a message the next day but ah well

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • I have to agree with the majority vote here. This guy was not looking for anything serious, just for a good time with someone who he connected with and get a quick lay. We may very all be wrong here but the only way to say for sure is to "ask him". :)

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  • If a guy is using tender while traveling he's just trying to get laid. There's no point of dating or looking for a relationship if you'll only be in town for a couple days

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    • This is so true. He’s originally from my town his family lives here so he comes back most weekends to visit. I suppose I was thrown off when I told him no he spent a long time just cuddling me in a really non sexual way and chatting it almost seemed as though he missed having some company. I said to him I notice your really affectionate and he said I love to cuddle and I really like that you're affectionate too and will let me lay here

    • Well cuddles are the next best thing lol there's still a physical embrace which could be nice.

  • He just wanted to have sex. That's the only reason he was on Tinder.

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  • You didn't have to have sex with him. that is perfectly fine and I'm glad you told him that. It lets people know what they want and what they are comfortable with. If he doesn't text back, something could be wrong or he is being an asshole

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  • You used a hookup app and then told him the hookup wasn't going to happen. You sent mixed signals then he went home frustrated. That's the lessen you should take from this. Don't be a cock tease. Just use normal dating sites if you want to date use hookup up sites when you are RTF

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    • Every single person in my town uses tinder and I set the tone before the date. When someone pulls you in for a kiss I’m not going to pull my face back when I wanted to kiss him back it’s just went it started getting a bit heated I needed to stop it in it’s tracks. I do see where you’re coming from though

  • Gee - I wonder why. He's playing the waiting game since he didn't get what he wanted. Now you're yearning for him and he'll definitely get what he wants the next time around.

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  • He's annoyed that you didn't have sex with him, probably.

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  • if he dint set a time give him 3 days an then ask him how he felt the date went

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  • Have you tried... asking him?

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    • No. It has of course crossed my mind I just feel like if he wanted to message me he would have, he’s a very confident guy

    • In saying that though do guys wonder why a girl hasn’t messaged them after a date or is that just a girl thing?

    • Well we already assume you're seeing 10 other dudes anyways. We didn't make the cut and move on.

  • I think you could also send him a message

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  • U sleep with him?

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  • Maybe he's giving it another try.

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  • You didn’t have sex with him

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  • I think he was gay

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  • This one is USED to having sex SOON, i. e. 1-2 MAYBE 3rd date if he really thinks them hot enough to mount on his trophy wall. It might cool him off next visit a bit if you probed him for his conquests, how long it took before they caved, what they looked like & what HE loved about them to pursue their nude pleasures

    Thus far, your story is all about scratching a strong itch his penis has

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    • Ohhh you think he’s used to getting what he wants quickly? As in girls sleep with him quickly? Do you think by me not sleeping with him despite him trying very hard will deter him or challenge him?

    • Fact:
      he will always push you to have sex
      Mystery:
      when he gives up and moves on must be compared to past conquests & failures with a splash of how special you are in comparison to be a prized trophy = the crystal ball

      only much more time passing will we know if you are a keeper for which he's willing to give up sexual pursuits w/others

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