Why do people choose to be with people that make them unhappy or lower their self esteem?

Why do people enter into relationships with people who lower their self esteem or make them feel bad. Are they addicted to being with the person or idea of being with them or is it something else?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Some people can't live with the idea of being alone because they require companionship and love to get through the day. Others are trapped in the relationship due to financial struggles or someone having too much control in it. A few are so used to the abuse of their partner that anything nicer than they are in would seem unrealistic to them.

    People who have low self-esteem, don't set standards or don't do their research on the person they are dating beforehand are more prone to staying in an unhappy relationship. It does seem odd from our point of view why some people stay in unhappy relationships but there is always a reason for it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was abused by my parents so I think I can answer this - when you have low self esteem - you get to a point where you prefer mistreatment to kindness from the person you are dating - you would RATHER be with somebody who mistreats you then somebody who treats you well because you are used to being mistreated. In the same way that alcoholics are used to drinking alcohol even though they know its bad for their health.

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    • Abuse must be common. Seems like many woman want to be mistreated these days.

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What Girls & Guys Said

211
  • Some people are wired to be that way. It doesn't make sense to the rest of us, but to them, it's perfectly normal. If you removed them from that situation and gave them someone who doesn't do those things, they would feel completely out of their element and probably fuck it up really fast

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    • Thank you for that, I was wondering the same thing. I think some people like chaos.

    • Lol you know what u are probably right.

  • I wish it was a clear cut answer, it doesn't make sense to me but it keeps happening.

    10 years ago a close friend was being physically abused by her boyfriend. She refused to call the police or break up with him... because she "loved" him. But, this pattern happens constantly. I have trouble wrapping my head around it

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  • They feel inferior, and that they may have something to prove.

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  • People are different... something not sounding right for you might be perfect for some. So I don't think its a bad thing to weird or opposite if you are willing to do it

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    • How can you agree that abuse and ill treatment and lowering someones self esteem is ok. No normal sane person with sound judgement and any capacity for intellect sees that as okay no matter who is discussed.

    • I didn't agree it all depends on the person who chooses to be with those who do that

    • ooooohhhh ok i see where u are coming from now.

  • Because it gives them a familiar feeling that they once had growing up by their family
    or the way they were treated from their past relationships or at least for me in my case

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  • They could feel like they don't deserve any better, or that they are stuck due to finances, children, etc.

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  • I think it's a combination of thinking they can't do any better (which may happen due to the abuse) or are more afraid of being alone

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    • Why do you think that people are more afraid of being alone than being with someone that is not right for them? By that token aren't you still alone? Or do you think its the fear of being physically alone?

    • I think it's fear of being physically alone because being lonely can be very harmful to self esteem

    • You can be alone in a relationship.

  • Because they feel wanted/needed

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    • But how can you feel wanted if the person consistently makes you feel bad about yourself?

    • Because they say things such as "you are mine" or "if it wasn't for me..." And this works in the person's subconscious

  • They feel it is what they deserve.

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  • It's an ill bird that fouls its own nest.

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  • Desperate loneliness is one possible reason.

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  • The greatest prison a person can break out of is the one in his/her mind. Everything around is just an illusion. It's the way one approaches life. Kind of cliché, but winners never quit and quitters never win sorta thing.

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  • Somebody in their past lowered their self-worth and now they believe that's what they deserve. They'll subconsciously (or even consciously in some cases) push away a partner who respects and values them because they don't respect and value themselves. Or they believe that that person will eventually show their true colors so to avoid an even greater heartbreak they push them away. They'd rather be with the jerk/bitch because at least they know what to expect and again believe it's what they deserve. It's sad. I've had quite a few exes approach me months and years after we dated and apologize citing this as the reason why we didn't work out.

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