"I love you but I'm not IN love with you"?

My boyfriend of 8 months has broken up with me 3 weeks ago after we got into a HUGE fight. We never fight that much, we had a very loving relationship. A week before he broke up with me he told me he needed me in his life and did not want to let me go.

But then we got drunk at his fraternity formal and got into a huge random fight. He never yells at me and he began to scream and make a scene. When we got to his house it continued, so I needed to do something to stop it all and get his attention. So I pretended I was going to hurt myself. I feel very guilty for this as I know it's not something I should do but I needed him to stop screaming.

After that he took me to his place and started crying and told me he didn't want to let me go and needed me in his life. I wasn't affectionate back because I was still angry from the fight. However we have a very honest relationship and I took what he said the week before as a promise and we would get through this.

The next day he broke up with me. We have been speaking on and off for three weeks, both crying, saying it is VERY hard. He is also leaving for 3 months but coming back after that. He told me he missed me so much but is confused with his feelings. He told me that because of the fight he loves me so much but is not in love with me. This upset me because the whole 3 weeks of us on/off talking he said i love you back to me.

Is this even possible? Our relationship was extremely strong and i KNOW he loved me very much. I had no clue he could fall out of love with me bc of this. I am so heartbroken and want to make it work, but he told me he is confused with his feelings, has a lot of anger built up, and needs to work on himself for now. Im respecting that and not contacting him for the whole summer while trying to move on, but this sucks. I can't stop repeating what he said about not being in love with me anymore in my head. I feel A LOT of guilt. If that fight never happened we would still be together today.

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  • read a book called "nonviolent communication" and learn to ask him directly for what you want and learn to "empathize" with his feelings and figure out exactly what he wants. That's the thing with relationships, you both may want something different... but in a relationship there is some time COMPROMISES that need to be made and each person has to feel comfortable being themselves and not having to please the other person only.

    Some one who LOVES you means that they want to treat you well, someone who is IN LOVE WITH YOU, means that they want to treat you well and also have you treat them well as well... he might just want to love you from afar because the way that you treat him is hurting him so that means he is not in love with you, he doesn't want your kind of love. It's hurting him, so you need to figure out what it is that is hurting him.

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