Guys, The cliche reassurance that men are intimidated by attractive and successful women: are you all really?

I’ve encountered women that believe they are single because men are intimidated by their physical appearance and current academic/occupational status at that current time.

I feel frustrated because I am always (and still am) single. I’ve never been noticed by men. I always had one individual state that it was because I was “intimidating”. And I don’t believe that is really the case. I’ve seen attractive women have suitors. Maybe men don’t like me?

I believe this line is intended to help others feel better about their predicament.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • When ever a woman tells herself (and the world) that she is single because men are intimidated by her, she avoids having to face the real reason. This is one of the many ego traps. The ego is only interested in strengthening its grip on the true self, and feeling superior to others.

    Being brutally honest with ourselves will allow us to get to the core reasons of a problem but it also brings with it pain and change. It is much easier for us to lie to ourselves.

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    • For a woman that believes she is single because of men being intimidated by her, what could be the actual reason?

    • @ asker: One reason may be that she's huge, like 5'9" and therefore physically intimidating. Also: if most successful men marry not professional women, but rather pretty, feminine, and somewhat submissive women, what does that do to the available pool of men? That's right: the pretty homemaker snatched him up. Therefore, the successful woman MUST NECESSARILY FOLLOW IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THE SUCCESSFUL MAN and seek a guy who, while he may have 'good genes' such as acceptable intelligence and looks, does not have the success.
      Another may be a bitchy, radical feminist appearance, or the feminist personality. These personality types are the ugliest personality types a woman can adopt. So, if you believe yourself the victim in a make dominated society, and you're broadcasting this 'tude to the whole world (whether you're aware of it or not), this is the reason why guys have never approached you...

    • She'd have to first make sure she was being really honest with herself, then if that was truly the case, then she'd simply observe other similar women. Observe those women that have the same traits and find out why that didn't hold them back.

      Our egos can be very tricky.

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What Guys Said 43

  • I've definitely refrained from hitting on women I had crushes on because they were smarter than me and better looking.

    I've sat next to two women I had crushes on, one who happened to be on the same train home and the other at a biz mtg. I'd have never sat next to them because of their intimidating looks, but they were the last seats.

    The former said on the way out of the train, "Enjoy your fun." She was pissed I hadn't talked to her! And she was one of the biggest crushes of my life. Still is.

    The other ran up to me after I think a coworker told her how I took the news she was engaged. She liked me, even though she was engaged!

    So in my case, anyway, I make presumptions about my inadequacies being a turn-off to the woman--that as the man, I have to be superior to her in certain ways (brains, earning power, social presence, etc.). But then I miss out.

    Anyway, it's good to see that only a minority of voters here have this problem.

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    • Shit, did this post ever resonate with me!
      I at times feel as though the heinous crime we committed (not showing them how we feel) is somehow punishable by eternal law; that while the gods didn't zap us right then and there for us not showing our interest in the 'girl that should have been our wife', it's only a matter of time that we get what we deserve, and what we deserve will be something along the lines of what the first-degree murderer would receive...

    • @glenns Time wounds all heels.

  • I am scared shtless of them. I run and hide when I see "attractive and successful" I will still have a ons once in awhile, but then I go back into hiding.

    Many are avoiding relationships these days.

    If you simply walk down the street you will notice that no one even looks at anyone anymore.

    I guess everyone is "attractive and successful" at least in their own minds.

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  • If I was, I would be in big trouble. Because my girlfriend of ten years - the mother of my children - is hot and a successful career woman. Rather than being intimidated by that, I am happy for success and I marvel that any woman so beautiful and so intelligent could love me so unconditionally.

    Intimidated? Nope. Grateful beyond words and totally in love.

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  • Not at all... but that is because I was raised by one, and have sisters who grew up to be successful, like my mother and grandmother. I find it comforting being around successful women, not intimidating, because it means I don’t have to cater to any needs, simply because I am a man.
    It is nice. Don’t know how else to explain it

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  • Short answer. Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Have you tried talking to men you like?

    Long answer.
    I have seen women in Germany, America and Canada wind themselves up over the recipe to get a good man.

    "I have a degree, no kids, I'm fit, single, why won't men talk to me?"

    There is no set recipe for attracting or dictating the behavior of other human beings.

    Imagine if a parent said, "I bought a house, I give the kid food and clothes, why don't they listen to me and get good grades."

    You have to factor in life, men being human beings who like to feel wanted and approached also,
    So. First, All men. There is no way the actions of the men you haven't dated reflect the attitude and lifestyles of all men.

    Second, in my experience men are trained to pursue and approach women by offering financial support. Take her out, treat her right, show her what you can offer her and that you're "worthy." That approach plus a high chance of rejection will leave a guy broke, frustrated and disgusted.

    Maybe a guy near you just saw his buddy go through a brutal divorce. Or he's focusing on his career instead of romantic pursuits. Could be the last few women he pursued chose to be spiteful when they rejected him. Calling him a creep, a fuck boy, or treated him like he was expendable.

    I'm just saying, is there more to the puzzle than just "he must be intimidated."

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  • Hmm well to put it simply men like to be the bread winners and when presented with a women with a higher job they feel insignificant because they can't measure up in some way or an other and feel either as a lay about relying on your salary or as if because your doing so well you would leave them the first chance you got to find someone who measured up better to your status

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    • If a construction worker male got with a female lawyer he might feel distant cause their lives are so different and he may have doubts in the relationship cause of how successful she is.

  • This question should have the same answer as toward "bigger" women. No matter how ugly, cute, fat, thin, ugly, beautiful, ... hairy.. whatever you are, you WILL still get laid -> if you're willing. The hardest for us is trying to find a good opportunity or subject to start a conversation. After that, it's really in your hands. My opinion only though. Wish you the best :)

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  • I am not intimidated, because those were the attributes that I wanted in the female who would contribute 50 per cent of the DNA in my children.
    Perhaps you could approach men?
    Do you live in a place in which new anti-catcalling laws make it a life-destroying Orwellian crime to approach a female?

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    • There is no place that’s anti catcalling stop.
      Guys that catcall are always bums and trashy

    • In Britain, France and a few other places there are laws that were introduced on the pretext that they would punish catcalling.
      The way that the laws were worded made it a crime for a man to approach a woman in any way, if she decided that the approach made her feel uncomfortable.
      There is no legal definition of what constitutes the crime, other than her feelings.
      Therefore, any form of approach by a man can result in a criminal charge, against which there is no defence (her stated feelings, rather than proveable facts), the consequences of which are life destroying.
      Congratulations to the Feminists, who have criminalised normal heterosexual interaction and made it too dangerous for a man to approach a woman.

  • I think the last line is true it is intended to help an individual under the bus by insulting an entire gender.

    Guys generally don't think like that, how am I meant to know how successf up you are if I haven't approached you?

    The main thing that would put a how you hold yourself, your perceived attitude is more important unless you look like a supermodel.

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  • Well I always thought that girls didn't have to do any thing to get a boyfrfrie...
    Let me tell you that i haven't been in a relationship in my entiere life too...
    And last we get nervous some times when we talk with an atractive girl, it always happen to me, if you are atractive the only thing you need to do is to upload some selfies and that stuff, then you will have like a ton of men trying to talk with you... not like us, if we upload some photos girls won't do any thing😕

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  • I think for some guys the way the woman acts and presents herself can be intimidating, (I find a lot of successful women to be way too far up their own ass) but at the same time there are plenty of women who do well for themselves but also have a great personality and are fun to be around. So I believe it's down to the woman and how she behaves around other people.

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  • I'm pretty funny, creative, adventurous intelligent, protective, love dogs, and my cooking is pretty damn tasty.

    But I'm uneducated, low income, and awkward... so I would bring nothing "interesting" to the table for succesful women.

    Having said that... no, not intimidated in the slightest.

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  • It's totally possible , because a lot of men are not sure about his rol into the relationship , i believe that a woman that has a succesful life and a nice physical appearance is fully emotionally supported by a lovely partner, if it is not like that , she is enoughly strong and smart that she doesn't need a partner, but if you feel that it's not the lonely way , what you preffer just say it

    Sorry for the grammar i'm not too good yet , i'll thanks the corrections and tips

    See ya

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  • No... from what I've heard women with a high education and career also have high standards for a partner. i think its called hypergamy. im sure some men are intereated in women like urself but dont approach bcs its widely known, that women on average dont date men of lower social status...

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  • Yes and no. I'm not intimidated by women because they're attractive, I'm intimidated by women that I have teelings for. Because then I have something to lose.

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  • Speaking for myself, the more attractive the better. However, I have also found that attractive women are more demanding of my time and freedom. On top of watching out for challengers online, at her work, and just trying to watch a movie I often found myself feeling gaslighted yo test my self confidence, which we hate, almost as much as nagging.

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  • I'm not I intimidated by beauty, intelkigence, or success. I think I assume that very beautiful women will only be interested In fit, attractive men. So, for the most part, I don't approach women I feel are "out of my league". It's probably stupid, but I think it's common to assume that very attractive people are usually only attracted to other very attractive people.

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    • That said, I have some very attractive friends who like to flirt and that makes me feel good.

  • Its pretty simple, the assumption when you see a really attractive woman is for most guys anyway, that she already has a boyfriend, because when she looks like that, there is no way she is single.

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  • My mother is successful and many men are interested in her,
    she's in her forties.
    But men older and younger have showed interest — talking to her, dates, flowers, chocolates, going to her events.
    So no, I think it's bullshit.

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  • It depends from person to person I have met people from both sides and I think it has to do with how open they are to the first contact like if you are stuck up I won't approach you again but its based on experience.

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  • No. Attractive or not, if a woman displays negative body language (I. e., standoffish or scowling face, crossed arms, no eye contact and no open body language) I won’t approach such woman, whether rich or not

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  • This question gets asked basically every day. And the answer is always the same. In the vast majority of cases, no, men are not.

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  • Overall yes, but it's merely because I can't stand dominant women. 99.9% of women aren't naturally dominant, I see it as a social construct and it gets on my nerves.
    I'm a caveman. I know.

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    • Woman are most definitely all dominat... Only because guys let them walk all over them...

    • That's what I means, society breeds cucks. We are thought being manly is wrong and women should have more power. It goes against our nature. Why do you think so many people have trouble sleeping, anxiety, depression etc.
      We are no longer living how nature intended us to

    • I like it. 😀

  • No. Somebody, maybe themselves, is not telling them the truth - it's their personality and how they carry themselves. Imagine speaking to an attractive guy working in a professional field (e. g. doctor, lawyer, principal, etc.) And he talks about his career majority of the conversation. That is unattractive. Or he talks about academia and how he "arrived", that is unattractive. Or he just plain does not know how to be friendly and personable - doesn't really smile, crack jokes/laughs, body language is stale/stiff, he uses his possessions as a means of status. All of that is unattractive. It's not intimidating, just unattractive.

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  • Only if they act like they hot shit confedace is attractive until ur hot as shit then its just a red flag

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  • No I don't think so in most cases. A successful woman at the end of the day is just another woman.

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  • You have to be confidence in your self. Dr. Reid H.

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  • This question sure gets asked a lot usually the general consensus is that it’s not that big of a deal. In my experience, the single women who think they are single because men are intimidated with their success aren’t always being honest with themselves. It’s more likely their personality that are sending their dates running for the hills. But god forbid you tell them something you don’t want to hear. This isn’t anything new, workaholics of both genders have been known to have crappy romantic lives. It’s pretty common to meet CEOs that have divorced two or three times

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  • Fuck no. Most men are just intimated by your looks no one gives. Shit about your profession

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  • No. Thats something women tell themselves to avoid admitting that they are the one's at fault.

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