Why do people think that being single is a choice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because usually it is... think about how easy it is, to find “just anyone” with no conditions, no preferences, just allowing yourself to be available to anyone... how many seconds would it take for you, or me, or whomever, to find a “taker?”
    Maybe 10 seconds? Maybe 30?

    Part of what makes “being single a choice” is ones own requirements, conditions, filters, willingness to let others know you are available, etc...:your own behavior is the biggest reason, as nobody can read your mind, everyone else interprets you, by how you behave, and single people who think, the reason they are single, is because of lack of interest of others to notice you? Bullshit

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not? So if a random guy asks me out, I don't get to say "No"? I'm automatically his? That's not fair! What if I'm getting ready to move to another country, and don't have time to get to know him? I can't just take him with me, and I'm not going on a long trip with a stranger I barely know, that's crazy and unsafe! I can't afford to come back and visit him all the time, and I don't do long distance. This is really inconvenient!
    Why didn't anyone tell me that I don't get to decide how to live my life?

    What if it's a woman? I'm in support of all sexualities, but I'm not into women like that! Now you're telling me that I don't get to choose to say "No"?

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    • what if you've never been given the chance to turn a guy down? Is it a choice then?

    • YOU aren't choosing to be single, you're choosing to seek out a relationship. You made that choice. You could choose not to look, but you actually want a relationship. Not everyone wants that.

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What Guys Said 59

  • Because some people choose not to be in one. Some people choose not to go through all the hassle. Some people choose not to because they can't be bothered with drama, or accommodating someone so deep into their life, or have learned through previous relationships that they would prefer not to be in a relationship at all.
    You can choose to be in a relationship but you either have to work your ass off for it or you set the bar so low that you end up with just about anything or anyone... Or somewhere in between.

    You can constantly try to find a relationship and it can constantly seem like you're failing, but you just need to keep trying. If you give up, then you chose not to be in one.

    There is not a single person on this planet where the whole world is against them and nobody would ever want to be in a relationship with them. There is always someone, even if it's a grotesque mutated, limbless torso with a head with the IQ of 15... They may want to go out with you, but you may not want to be with them... That's still a choice isn't it?

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  • When no one ever ever asks, and you haven't dated, and it is quick rejection, it is NOT a choice.

    Some people do choose it. Most can't find, meet, or maintain a relationship. Even if they could it is someone they don't want.

    It is sad, the world was built for 2 but not all birds are of a feather.

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  • Because women have a choice, because there will always be someone who comes to ask them out. So that's already 50% of the population.
    Now, the top 20% of men (therefore 10%) of the population do have a lot of choice.
    So that's already 60% of the population. You may find some more guys who also feel like they have choice.
    Science, it works bitches!

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  • Not everyone views love as something special, although naturally as a guy my instinct to reproduce would make me want to have a girlfriend. I'm not sure how it is for other people but I can easily disregard and override those feelings because love is not a very important thing, at least to me. I do not wish to play the meaningless game of attraction because to me it's not worth the effort.

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  • Everything is a choice. Being in a relationship is easy to see as a choice, but not everyone can see the choices behind them being single. there's no luck involved in it, if you aren't having success talking to people you're choosing to not find what you need to work on. Too shy to talk to someone? You're choosing not to work on traits and tools to come off as more extroverted. Everything is a choice.

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    • Easy for you to say. Just work on what is wrong with talking to people, and that will fix everything. What if you are so damn tall women don’t want to talk to you? Ever consider that?

    • Ever consider you're choosing to look in the wrong places? My best friend is 6'9" and skinny as a rail and has a better batting average than i do. Which is fine because he chose to be a DJ and i chose to be a bass player, and everyone knows bassists didn't become bassists for the women lol.

  • Probably because for a lot of people it is a choice. I chose to be single for 4 years after my last relationship, got a lot of shit done... a lot of shit.

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  • Cause it is? I had the chance to start a new relationship immediately after my last one. I refused, so it was my choice. It's always your choice. Else it would mean that you would literally start a relationship with everybody who asks.

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  • Because, for many people, being single is a specific choice. Not everybody wants to be in a relationship, especially at any given time in their lives.

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  • At least that would make them feel that they are not being neglected or controlled by someone. But the truth is men and woman need each other and yes, being single is a good choice. I guess you are 15 and there's a long way to go. So have patience and you will be needed by someone who doesn't neglect or control.

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  • Being single is a choice for some people. I didn't initially choose to be single after I split up with my ex five years ago but now I consciously choose to remain single and will be so for the rest of my life

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  • I understand. People tell me "you just don't try" and such, when gin out takes a lot out of me, and I don't high of talking to a girl and getting along only to hear she has a boyfriend, then I have to keep it together, finish the night, go home and just drink.

    It's not easy for everyone like how they make it seem. I'm sorry you feel the same.

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  • I prefer being single and turn down relationships/sex. Why? Experience taught me that these things can destroy one's life.

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  • It's always a choice.

    No one should be forcing you into a relationship. Nor should you enter a relationship if you don't want to be in one. Like sex, consent is important.

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  • For me it is.
    I have a girl right now who I could make my girlfriend THIS VERY SECOND if I wanted to ((with mutual feelings, point of fact)).

    But that's the LAST thing I need right now so I don't make it happen.

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  • The time will come when you will not be single. What you do after is up to you. Besides what attracted him to you may not be there tomorrow. Lots of factors. A close friend may come between you two. A sickness. STD.

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  • Thank you! Thank for posting this! I believe it is a choice but at the same time it's good to know I've got someone with similar struggles

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  • Not everyone understands that some don't have the luck they do.

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  • For most people it is. But if you're someone with downs syndrome or are just horrendous socially (like me), you're usually doomed.

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    • i'm terrible at social things and i've had a few people wanna date me! there's someone for u too!

    • @ladydoor That's wonderful, but the thing is traditionalist romance is still a thing where I live. Girls NEVER ask out guys at my school. Sadie Hawkins (girls ask guys only) was literally cancelled at my school because like two girls asked out a guy they weren't already dating.

  • To many it is indeed a choice. To many others it is not. There is no law that requires someone to be attached to another. But there are laws that prevent forced relationships. Which seems right.

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  • Because it often is a choice and it would be insulting to the person to assume they CAN'T get someone..

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What Girls Said 32

  • Because most of the time, there is shit you can do to end your singlehood... like... approaching someone and asking them out... but you refuse to... so, it's a LITTLE BIT of a choice, a lot of the time.

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  • Because it is... I could choose to message my ex and get back together. I could choose to not turn down guys when they ask me to have dinner but I turn them down anyway. I don't want a relationship. And I have my Korean Boy Bands who have given me such high standards to thank for that. I choose to not settle be interested in anything other then my friends, my job, my studies and my bands

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    • But thats for you. What about the people who have never been approached by someone or get rejected everytime they approach someone. It it their choice then?

  • Because it is. Why would I want to be with someone who likes me just because he likes me? What if I don't like him?
    Or, what if we both like each other but either one of us doesn't see us in a relationship or in a relationship with any kind of future (e. g. our characters and personality or beliefs are so different that even with sexual tension and attraction present, we would still drive each other crazy or annoy each other too often.
    You can choose not to be with someone even if you like them. That is why because you are being self composed. Its not wisest thing to act upon your first thrill... at least not most of time I suppose.

    You are very young. You will learn with time and with more emotional maturity coming your way, that it's actually emotionally responsible towards both yourself and that someone, to asess well whether you shall accept being in that certain relationship or not. If the answer is no, you do that by not encouring a guy to hope you could be with him, not paying attention to him etc, rather that, than having him get closer to you just to get in that ackward situation where you would crush him into pieces the moment when he actually *asks* you to be together and you say that it was not the best idea...😑😓

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  • It's not always a choice. Some people's circumstances prevents them from having the opportunity to meet many people , so it's difficult for them to find a potential partner. Some people long for a relationship , but their shyness or insecurities and low self-esteem holds them back from finding love. There's countless reasons why people are single. Some by choice, others not by choice

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  • It's a choice because no matter how many people ask you to be in a relationship with them, you don't have to. You only generally get into the relationship if you love them and see a future with them

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    • What if you've never been approached so you've never had the chance to turn someone down. Is it a choice then?

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    • It wasn't the way i was raised

    • oh ok, well then for you don't think you have an option YET. I truly believe the right guy for you will come around. It just takes time. For me whenever I am looking for a boyfriend they don't come, but when I am not looking for one (and instead living my lie, being myself and being happy) then the guys come right around. Trust me, guys come when you least expect it

  • I think there is an element of choice in there but the majority isn't by choice!
    If someone asks you out you choose to say yes or no- if you aren't attracted to them you are within your rights to say no!
    I've turned down dates but im not choosing to be single by doing so. I'd happily be in a relationship with someone but im also not going to settle for just anything to not be single

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  • Because these people are lucky and haven't experienced rejection or have always succeeded in finding a date or so.
    Out there there are unlucky people :
    -who don't get get approached by men, even if they are fairly attractive and elegant.
    -men who are always friend-zoned
    -shy men and women who lack self-confidence
    -women who are so unlucky that jerks only want them for sex

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  • because it's a choice, not everone is just looking for a relationships and are building their lives instea without added stress.

    It amazes me how westerners have this mentality of getting ino a relationship as soon as possible. Next time you'll find a ten year old whining about being single.

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  • Speaking purely for myself, it's more of a decision not to settle than to be single. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship that isn't healthy or just go out with someone so I could say that I'm seeing someone. If I found the right person that liked me for me and we both really cared about each other then I wouldn't have any problem being in a relationship with them.

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  • Because it is, many people are miserable in relationships where they aren't getting any of the benefits of a healthy relationship, they are settling out of desperation so therefore we could all do the same if we wanted to.

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  • It is a choice indeed. Just like being in a relationship. The only thing that is not a choice is the way you feel towards people.

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  • Often the reason people are single is because of their standards, if you lower them enough you would be with someone tomorrow.

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  • Coz I can have a boyfriend any time I want but I rather prefer to be single

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    • So what about the girls who can't get a boyfriend then? Is being single a choice for them?

    • Any girl can have a boyfriend any time
      Use tinder get to know new guys

    • I am 15 years old. Wtf. I'm not going to use a hook up site

  • Because it can be. I'm single by choice. I'll start dating once I move away from my homophobic grandfather. It would be inconsiderate of me to expect a girl to date me if we'd have to keep it a secret.

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  • It’s not choice, if you single you just haven’t found the right person to be in a relationship with

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    • However sometimes it can be, because sometimes a situation happens, and you find it better to stay single for some time

  • Not the same for everyone. Some is by choice, some is not. Depends on individual thinking.

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  • some people just don't like to commit and they prefer to be alone...

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  • For some people, it is definitely a choice while for some they just couldn't find the right person.

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  • It can be a choice depending on your situation and where you are in life... sometimes it's not your choice, but breaking the ice for a new relationship can be hard, and it takes both people to know what they want and go for it
    Also, you're 15... if you know how to flirt already, way to be! If not, no worries, you'll learn or ask friends to help you out, or go for the straightforward approach of asking someone out!
    Figure out your confidence level, and what works for you to not be single, but it's a personal experience, not a competition

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  • Because sometimes some people are single by choice.

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