Why does it hurt so bad to lose someone you never even had?

So since March I have been friends with this guy. We started talking as more than friends in May. We talked everyday and even planned to hangout. We got along really well and talked all day and night for weeks! But since last Wednesday he had started to become distant and not text the same. Cut conversations short and not even tell me good night... I can take the hint so I haven't messaged him this morning and he hasn't messaged me. It kinda hurts though cause I got used to Talking to him everyday.. but we were never even together. Why does it hurt even though he wasn't mine?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I feel you. I have just gone through the same thing. My situation is way more complex and complicated though. Regardless, I texted a woman a lot for almost a year. Then absolutely nothing. It hurts and is very painful. I am going on three weeks now with no contact and I can't tell you how much it hurts. I wish I could give you some insight and help but unfortunately I can't. The best I can do is tell you to hang in there and you're not alone.

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    • Thank you! I hope things will work out for you as Well :)

  • It happens at times. You meet people and something about them makes you feel soo good that the feelings syncs with how you feel at ease and because of that ease-like feeling you begin to get close and attach yourself - emotionally, with the other person. And even if there wasn't anything between you two, it does hurts if their behaviour changes because it's obvious, like if someone would talk to you soo nicely and do all the good stuff for you and the retreat after some time from all those things, yeah, it hurts.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • It happens. They say it takes half the time you were with someone to move on. In a month to two months you'll be feeling better.. Just remind yourself that you deserve better. if it's meant to be, it'll be.

    I've gone through this before too. You do get past it

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    • Thank you! :)

    • You're welcome. :)

      I know. It doesn't help much now. But always remember, this too will pass.

  • It hurts because you invested all of YOUR TIME on him instead of keeping your options open by dating or talking to other guys.

    Don't invest more on a guy than he has invested in you. When you invest more than he does you fantasize and romantasize about who you want him to be and you lose clarity on who HE ACTUALLY IS.

    Keep dating/talking to multiple guys to keep your mind clear so you can make better judgements on who is worth your time.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • Simple

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  • Hopes and wishes getting crushed always hurts. It's like the inner child throwing a tantrum.

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  • I guess we all get a kind of attachment to people after a while being with them. And perhaps our heart tells us that its love. But i guess its all coz we are lonely most of the time. Just talk to him and find out if something is wrong. But try learn to enjoy your own company. Its perhaps the best remedy to loneliness

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  • I think it hurts because you were either infatuated with him, or were growing feelings for him. It happens to all of us at some stage. But let it be known, one day you will wake up, and all the hurt will be gone.

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  • You didn't lose someone you only had a text relationship with. If everything was so great why hadn't you met in person yet?

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    • We didn't meet yet because of distance and our job schedules. We were planning a weekend where he would drive down but guess not now.

    • Sometimes it happens unfortunately. I try to avoid forming a relationship online... too many (more) things can go wrong.

    • That's true!

  • because you started to stick to someone. I've sticked to a girl I liked too, and it resulted the same way as it is for you right now

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  • Then leave them those who avoid u.. because it Is a waste of time. EVERY DOG HAS A DAY...

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  • I think you have expected something from him in such way that it hurts you a lot

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  • Get over it. Women do the same shit to guys you just get over it.

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  • Because you loved him. The best thing you can do is continue to love fearlessly

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  • You are highly sensitive girl..

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  • I missed someone whom I've never even seen

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  • Because u wanted to be more

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  • Emotional behaviour

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What Girls Said 9

  • It's how you form attachments and bonds to relationships. Some people are more willing to expose and open themselves up, so it hurts more when the other person doesn't reciprocate those same feelings. Whether it be a man, a best friend, a child.. Any one you care for who simply distances themselves is bound to hurt your feelings if the relationship was important to you.

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  • He's showing you his true colors now. It hurts because you had the expectation of something more then friendship. Honesty is key. I'd wait and see what happens. Don't chase him though.

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  • You're attached to him. I feel you babe. Knew a guy & chatted with hanging out for 3-4 months & his texts were reduced, suddenly went ghosting. I was actually attached to him & wanting more but I guessed he found out & didn't want that way.

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  • I can so relate to this👍 The feeling is absolutely horrible. What I have learnt to do is to focus on something else in my life like my future goals, my job and especially my family. Don't get me wrong the man pops up in my head daily and it hurts so much. Trust me it does get easier and a man will come and sweep you off your feet one day. Waiting for the guy that isn't interested isn't worth ur time. Your much better then that😊

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  • Because they didn't even gave you a chance to prove how good you are.

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  • One side loves are hard.

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  • Because we hate to lose nevertheless

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  • Cuz u imagined more behind ur relationship

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  • Because ultimately you knew he was.

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