What are some non-sexual and non-aesthetic things you can do to get a guy to like you more?

I read a couple of books on the topic but I don't have money to buy books all the time

What I've read so far:

1. Let him earn your trust and don't trust him straight off the back
2. Set boundaries and don't be available on short notice all the time

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Be an interesting and genuine person. Be yourself. Don't be jaded and cynical. Ask them questions.

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  • Books? God, do you want to fail? Those two things you listed would not make me like you more. I imagine they'd make me trust you less.

    Me personally, if a girl wants me to like her beyond her looks then she has to show me compassion, empathy, understanding, emotional support, loyalty, positivity, that she can look after herself, maternal qualities, that she has interest in me, that she's not uptight or a bitch, and that she won't make my life difficult. I don't go for women that make me chase them because if you're always running from me, how the hell can I rely on you to be next to me when I need you?

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What Guys Said 59

  • Forget all that. If you want a guy to like you, you need to be a POSITIVE, FUN, and NON-BURDENSOME element in his life. Don't be demanding, bitchy, depressed, or needy.

    Aside from sex or being physically attractive, that's what most guys want - but it's surprisingly hard to get...

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    • Totally agree! It works both ways too. Just be the best person you can be and people in general will be attracted to you, whether for friendship or relationship.

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    • I get the impression when guys say don’t be bitchy or demanding or burdensome or needy they think it dies not apply to them. So just checking.

    • Of course it applies to men too. I'm just as quick to cut a negative guy out of my life as a negative girl - and you should be too!

  • "Let him earn your trust and don't trust him straight off the back"
    Fucking bullshit mindgames. Guys value honesty above everything. Stop shittesting him, and be genuine. That's a good start.

    "Set boundaries and don't be available on short notice all the time"
    Another bullshit. Be as available as is comfortable to you. Sure, don't necessarily throw away everything if he texts you, but don't play this "wait 5 days until he texts back" game. It has never worked, women are deluding themselves.
    As for setting boundaries, again, stupid. Progress as it is comfortable to you. If you want to play mindgames - do roleplays. But don't set arbitrary boundaries that hurt the both of you just because some thirrd rate publicist at Cosmo says it.

    Women brag about being intuitive and shit, but all evidence shows that their understanding of the male experience is extremely rudimentary, and most importantly, incredibly flawed and inaccurate.

    Want to make a guy like you more? Be yourself. Just yourself. And show genuine interest in them. That's all it takes. And yes, douchebags will ignore it. But if you aim for douchebags, there is already a problem.

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    • I think you're advice is really good in theory. It's just as a woman really difficult to understand the male psyche so sometimes we feel like we NEED to rely on advice columns and books and stuff because we don't understand you 😂

    • @yogagirl777
      I honestly don't know why that is. I generally have no issue understanding women, though I've spent a lot of time researching issues around the female psyche. It's just logical to try and understand your own species.

      And never unconditionally rely on advice you read in a self-impovement newspaper - think about it. If they knew the secret formula, why would they tell you just like that? Then you wouldn't buy the next 5 issues of the same magazine with similar themes.
      Same goes for fitness by the way.

  • For me, being vulnerable instead of letting your ego speak up is one of the most likeable things you can do.

    Being vulnerable shows you can be open with one another and besides love that's one of the most important factors for a loving relationship.

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  • First, I wouldn't recommend you follow the 1, and less the second part of the 2.

    In fact its a guaranty I will pass to the next one.

    (I know this is dificult to imagine for a woman, but I ll try to explain, for me, normal is to have around 2 or 3 women in a month in tinder instead of 20 or 30 by day, after it, just 1 of 10 will meet, and of the girls who we date its really strange that she wants to go further, normal is "friends", sometimes friends, rare "friends with rights" and enough more strange girlfriend (yes I have found 2 girls who wanted rights, just one girlfriend on my life). So, if you pass of a man at first, I would think you dont like me, and will continue searching).

    I know men who are better flirting, but its really strange they feel hooked by a woman who pass of him, normal is he won't even notice.

    Now, things I would recommend you.

    Get the book of Dale Carnegie:how to meet friends...
    Its a classic and is free thanks to it, follow the most of it which you can, and avoid advices as you said.
    Other thing I always recommend is not aiming the moon, get the man you want not the one you imagine, and worse enough the one who like to others.

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  • Get his sister, best friend, maybe even his mom to like you.
    Help him a bit with his career, go for creative dates and maybe dress up for special occasions?
    You could also be a bit authoritative when it comes to his bad habits? Like talking him out of a bad habit will make him realise how special you are.

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    • Small stuff that did wonders, not for me but for my elder brother's current wife. I just talked to her a lot and he actually loved it.

  • Develop a good sense of humor, smile, laugh at his jokes, encourage him, find what he is interested in, and get somewhat knowledgeable in that topic or area, be honest with him, but no brutally honest, don't talk about his faults with others, unless there is a purpose.

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  • I feel that a supportive personality who is not intimidating or burdensome and is not a drag but has a depth of thinking and feeling might attract me. Being able to do good things together and not just get the other person to do it is a characteristic of a good marriage. A certain sync of communication and good understanding might be essential, otherwise chaos, disagreement and dissapointment might be the case.

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  • The number one thing is to be confident in yourself. Plus find interests and pursue lifes things that make you happy. The key is not to pretend you aren't available on short notice but to have a life so you actually aren't always available on short notice. People love people who are interesting, and it's interesting when you have a lot of experiences to talk about. Enjoy living life and be confident in your own skin and guys will take notice.

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  • 3. Dress-up according to his taste, but it should be a little attention seeking for everyone.
    4. Just start with smile and minimum talking.
    5. Let him come back to talk to you.
    6. Get a little flirty while saying goodbye.
    7. Find things of mutual interest and carry on a healthy talk on it for a while.
    8. Be sweet, descent, nice yet caring.
    9. Go on a date
    10. Plan something adventurous together.
    11. Enjoy your time spend with him. And
    12. Avoid conflict

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  • Those are more books on what to do should a man try to dominate/sway you.
    Best thing I can say is be honest with us, don't play games such as hot/cold, show us what you're passionate about (hobbies, foods, amusement parks, etc). On the flip side, the male you're doing this "dance" with -so to speak- should be doing the same with you. A relationship is just a developed friendship with someone of attraction (be it sexual or otherwise).

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  • I know I hate it when a girl plays hard to get. I'm not saying that I want girls to just throw themselves at me but if it's obvious both parties are interested, stop messing around and get to the point.

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  • Make sure you show that you're interested me if you're hinting at me I'm not going to think you're attracted to me. It's ok to be obvious. "I think you're pretty cool want to go for a coffee" it's hard for me to ignore someone when they ask me out, it feels like an easy way to chat.

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  • Dont destroy his ego, you dont want to break the guy; dont always rush him to do what you want, both deserve to control the speed of your relashionship. Most of all be honest and kind. That is so good I think its a bit sexy

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  • Those are the exact things that make guys dislike girls. That's some horrific advice.

    Try being genuine and nice and be interesting.

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    • Her advice was basically not to let men step all over her.
      That's good advice and only a psycho would imply it isn't.

    • @stuckinmontreal just distrusting guys just to distrust them, and ignoring them just to build attention is fake and has NOTHING to do with being stepped on. It's being a player and not something someone interested in a real relationship would do. Distrusting someone only because he's a man, pretending to not be interesting to play mind games to try to trick him.. these are not healthy actions and don't lead to good relationships. If the goal is a shallow relationship built on distrust, then by all means, go down this path.

  • Those two points will give off the impression that it'll be difficult to enter and maintain a relationship with you. Some guys might like the "hard to get" personality, but many don't.

    You should instead treat him like a human. When you are not being flirtatious, you should talk to him like a friend. I think most men and women want the same thing here. Good luck.

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  • Those things you mentioned are just good approaches to people in general. Another thing I would suggest for dealing with guys specifically is to be consistent in your behavior towards him, and don't change your mind about things constantly.

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  • You won't learn it from a book. Just be confident, happy and interesting. Being a friendly and popular character goes a long way and definitely makes you more attractive to the opposite sex

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  • N°1 need to share some interest with him
    Be willing to go hiking if he like it
    Be willing to do what he likes so much

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  • For me, intelligence. You need to get me with intelligence.

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  • Taking an actual interest in him, don't be too stuck-up. Those are pretty good ways to start.

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What Girls Said 14

  • Its really actually quite simple.. Men like women who are strong enough to support themselves and feminine enough to still need a man in her life. They like women who can woe a crowd without becoming the center of attention (so intelligence, wit and charm instead of loud, obnoxious drama). And it all starts with your own self confidence. So try this, for one week, walk with your back straight, shoulders back (not so that it looks like you're stuck in a permanent chest bump pose though lol) and you chin even and not falling into your neck. And sit down the same way.. I GUARANTEE you that people will look at you in a different and positive way. And in turn, you will gain more and more self confidence and that will help with getting men come to you. One more thing, a psychology trick, you can trick your brain into thinking its happy by smiling for 20 sec. Men dont want women who have furrowed brows and dont smile. A women who can handle what needs handling and brush off what doesn't directly harm is SO ATTRACTIVE in a mans eyes. 😊

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  • Just be confident (not arrogant). Trust in your skills and in yourself overall. Feel comfortable in yourself and have boundaries about what you like and what you don't, about what you tolerate and what you don't. Be positive but also real (this means, don't be around like 'someone who doesn't need anyone', as we all do). Be happy for yourself and add people to your life that contribute to that happiness.

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  • Dont be an open book, be a little mysterious.
    Ask open ended questions to engage conversation.
    Do not chase.
    Learn to accept compliments gracefully.
    Keep it light and fun and dont over think. No one thinks its fun to discuss the status of a relationship 24/7.

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    • "Dont be an open book, be a little mysterious."
      Don't. The human mind is a mistery itself. Putting barriers to make yourself less accessable will only alienate people.
      "Ask open ended questions to engage conversation."
      That's correct.
      "Do not chase."
      Don't agree. Sure, don't be overly attached. But there is nothing wrong with making the first step. Most guys enjoy being desired a bit.
      "Learn to accept compliments gracefully."
      Just learn to accept complements. Gracefulness is not required.
      "Keep it light and fun and dont over think."
      Word.

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    • @VIVANT its actually about not playing games. Its about understanding others and not expecting the world to bend and bough to you. Failing over and over can be frustrating for people who only accept their own ways. But some people like being single, so whatever floats your boat.

    • "bend and bough to you."
      Bow. You meant to say bend and *bow.
      Bough is: a branch of a tree; especially : a main branch

      And if you aren't willing to compromise in a relationship, don't expect the other person to do either.
      This is probably the biggest oxymoron women tell themselves. They want to be independant, but they want to be in a relationship.
      Relationships are based on teamwork and codependance. If you want to be independant in a relationship, you are looking for a fuckbuddy, not a boyfriend/husband.

  • Make him laugh, cook him good food, give him free shit, get along with his mom, if he has a pet make sure that pet is happy to see you.

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  • I see the guys obviously have better advice than the girls on this one, but I'd also like to add in standing out from other females helps out, of course in a positive way. Something that makes you special aside from others (such as your own hobbies, intelligence, talent, etc)

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  • Listen I'm adds the big thing for women we say that men don't listen and we enjoy when men listen we want a man that listen they want the same thing everybody wants to be heard show if you actually have genuine interest in him listen and I don't mean fake listen get to know him for him and Be truly and treat with everything that he says

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  • Check out Matthew Hussey on YouTube. Good advice plus he's cute.

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  • Be confident.
    Be positive.
    Be interesting by acquiring skills and knowledge

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  • Making them laugh, fun, entertaining, smart, able to have a deep conversation, supportive.

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  • These you listed are just silly rules created by people who play games.
    Guys hate games. Start from there.

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  • Don't be clingy or needy, and be straight forward/honest with your feelings to him so he can be comfortable with you.

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    • Clingy and needy are used as insults and usually based on feelings of the accuser - not objective action from the accused, therefore not good as instructive device. Just explain what you are saying.

  • It’s mostly aesthetic, imho. If that doesn’t hook his interest, you can’t overcome it.

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    • It’s not that other things don’t matter. They only matter AFTER he gives looks the ok.

    • Aesthetics are often a barrier, but a low one. As long as you are slightly attractive to him, that's all that matters. Other things are what set a girl apart. If I go to a bar, maybe 50-70% of all the girls there are someone I'd be physically attracted to, so being attractive doesn't get you very far. You need to then be nice, interesting, sweet, whatever to actually move from the giant pool of girl that are attractive to the girl I want to go out with.

  • Laugh more

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  • Have good conversations

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