I’m struggling to deal with the fact that my boyfriend's ex is better looking than me?

Has anyone been in this situation. I don’t want it to affect my relationship but on the inside it’s made me feel so insecure.
Updates:
She broke his heart so he would still be with her if she didn’t end it.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Maybe she is, but that shouldn't matter. A relationship is built between more factors other than looks. If he likes you for your personality, your humor, or your intelligence, that speaks volumes more than just the way you look. Don't focus on the negative aspects between you and his ex. We all have our faults and looks may be one of them. It doesn't make us inferior to someone else because we're made up of so much more. We're our own human being. Accept the fact that she may be better looking than you, but you must also accept the fact that you may have greater, more important factors as a strength. I'd go out with a respectful and open-minded girl, rather than an average model any day. You have nothing to be jealous of. Work with who you are and not with who others are.

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  • Can't speak for all guys but I don't compare girls the way you do in terms of looks. It's like, "Am I attracted to the girl? Yes/no?" If yes, then the rest of the attraction comes more from enjoying being with her and missing her company when she's not there.

    Maybe it's like money for guys? Even if you're the type of girl who wants to be provided for by a financially secure guy (but not a gold-digger), it's not like you're disappointed if a new boyfriend makes less than a former one provided he's still stable and can provide well enough for you and any children you might have, right? I'd imagine it's more like, "Is he financially stable enough to raise a family? Yes/no?" Same kind of thing as I see it if so.

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    • I am superficial enough to want to be physically attracted to a girl I date on a basic level, but that doesn't mean she has to be the most attractive girl I could possibly date or have ever dated. Besides, if I dig spending time with her, she will become more physically attractive to me through that process of bonding with her. Meanwhile if I date a super good-looking girl and she turns out nasty, she actually becomes uglier in my eyes as I lost interest in her.

    • Some times you pay no mind, you just pay heart <3

Most Helpful Girls

  • My boyfriend had an ex who I feel was very blessed physically. I feel she could have been a porn star. But she was a liar and a cheater on more than one occasion with my boyfriend and she hurt him really bad. So despite her looks, I know he sees her like the devil and he truly values me and loves me, even though I don’t have a body like a porn star. The key is to have enough confidence with yourself and to love yourself so as to not get paranoid for no reason at all. If your man makes you feel loved, then he loves you for you. Attraction goes way deeper than physical appearance, always remember that. 💓😊

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    • And to assume he would still be with her, has he told you that himself? If so, perhaps he isn’t ready for a relationship yet. If you are telling yourself that, it is just your insecurity talking.

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    • I’m glad to have helped you 😊 I wish you the best

    • If you need support in the future, feel free to let me know as well

  • Your insecticides are likely going to cause arguments, ultimately resulting in the end of your relationship with him. Bringing up his ex, whom he had a bad breakup with (she broke his heart..) is going to open his wounds and cause him to hurt.

    I've been where you are and my boyfriend and I have had countless arguments over it, despite the fact that I'm the most attractive girl he has been involved with and the fact that he loves me more than he has loved anyone. I still struggle with it, but his ex is no longer involved in his life because he really didn't care for her as much as he cares for me. You may think he still cares, but the pain he caused her may be enough to keep him away from her.

    So, my advice to you? Either let your insecurities go or let the relationship go. I know it's easier said than done, but it has to be done if you want a future for this relationship. They're broken up, they will probably stay broken up and he's with you now for a reason of his own. It doesn't matter if you're less attractive, what matters is if he feels a connection with you. If he feels comfortable with you, but with you being insecure about an ex of his, he is going to begin to feel uncomfortable.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 70

  • So what? She is the "EX" and you are with him now!! Having these anxieties will drive him away, and reject you!!
    Come on!! What is the female version of 'MAN-UP'?
    YOU ARE WITH HIM NOW!! Fuck her, that's past!! Don't mess it up by being so insecure that you annoy him with your worries!!
    Why are you even thinking about her? I doubt he is, unless you are so insecure, that he want to go back to her!!

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  • Yeah, but for some guys... a lot of guys, it ISN'T just looks. She may be better looking or have better genes, but sometimes part of it is opinion. Like I can think someone is gorgeous, and someone else is like "Eww, she's a dog faced woman!"

    Now, she broke his heart THEN... but many people get over that. Now whether he's still pining after his ex or not, only you know for sure. But if not... try to trust him until he gives you reason not to. Believe him.

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  • He had that and went for you. Either he is stupid or you are being cruel to yourself thinking you are not beautiful.

    If she is his ex and you came after her, there must be something pretty dope he is seeing in you

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  • Plain and simple she broke his heart and now he is with you. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't find you attractive and want to be with you. She may be more attractive like you said, but at least you won't break his heart and that's worth way more than looks

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  • Its all in your head. She is not "better looking" than you. Its your insecurities flairing up like a hemorrhoid. However true it may be about your boyfriend wanting back to his Ex... It isn't happening. If your boyfriend is telling you ' blah blah blah, you're not as beautiful as blah blah blah" , well that's just rude on his part. And you should retort with a "blah blah blah, well you aren't nearly as big as so-n-so" and see how he likes it... Guys have insecurities too.

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  • You really shouldn't be thinking this. First of all, he may find you more beautiful than her anyway, and, second (and most important), he is with you and not someone else- you haven't broken his heart so you are better than her.

    Looks don't make a woman a good girlfriend- her character and personality do. Looks by themselves do not make a woman beautiful, especially when a guy is in love with her.

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  • Oh, I had a number of ex's that were very hot. I never liked any of them to the same extent as the girls I dated that had a great personality though. Most people would have the same mindset, don't worry too much on it.

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  • Get over it, or ruin the relationship. Those are your options. It is out of his control, and he obviously likes you are he wouldn't be dating you.

    Honestly I would rather be with someone who I get along with more, than someone who is super attractive and that's it. If I had to choose between a dumb hot girl, and an average girl that I'm still attracted too, and enjoy hanging out with. I would choose the 2nd option all day!

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  • Is she better-looking to him or just to you? Is he comparing you to her and openly musing about missing her? If not, then don't worry about this. I dated an amazingly beautiful woman for a couple of months but she was crazy intense and I couldn't do anything that she couldn't do better herself. I don't miss her. Having a beautiful partner isn't magic. Having a loving partner is magic.

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  • A relationship is more than simply looks. And he may be heartbroken now but new wounds hurt the most. Remember they broke up for a reason. I would also point out that I was actually dating a professional V. S. model and my current wife has no jealousy towards her... feel honored that he likes you more now than her... feel pride in the knowledge that he is with you and you are with him. Learn from her mistakes and be the better girlfriend.

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  • Oh common ☺️☺️ you know he loves you 🙂 believe me, that beauty means inner and outer looks for men 🙂 he loves you for a reason, don't feel bad 😊 if you ready want to look nicer, ask your boyfriend what would he like you to wear or so, he will be surely so happy ☺️

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  • You just said it... YOUR boyfriend's EX. She might be better looking but you have a better personality, which is more important. He is yours now. Cheer up.

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  • He chose YOU! Thats enough to show that you look ABSOLUTELY PERFECT to him. And he loves you for YOU, nothing else. If youve got his heart you dont need to worry. After all, beauty is only skin deep , and what really matters the most is inside us. Best wishes to you as a couple.

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  • I’m sure he finds you physically very attractive (aka hot), so I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
    Focus on all the other things that made him fall for you and have fun together. When you’re together having fun and laughing and so like best friends with romantic feelings and he wouldn’t want to leave you anymore :)

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  • Not a whole lot you can do; you can't change the past, or how she looks. Just be the best girlfriend you can be to him and he will hopefully be the best boyfriend he can be for you, as I'm sure you probably deserve. Good luck out there.

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  • I have over 10 insecurities. I never go outside. I could imagine you 100x better looking than me and I cab also imagine you as a pretty smart girl. Don't beat yourself up about it, rather think positively. Be thankful you have a boyfriend because I never dated once.

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  • I think you should talk to him directly about this: the comfiness, trust and communication is the base of it all. And dont mind if you feel this struggle a little dumb, it is a struggle anyway and everyone have that kind of mindless emotional situations
    There is some things life that we dont choose, and dont mind the "maybe if he had to". In the end you have to know he had choose to stay with you

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  • You shouldn't worry about that. He sees beauty in you and most likely doesn't even think about his ex unless someone brings her up. He wants to be with you and finds you beautiful. His ex is irrelevant because he chose you. She messed up and lost that

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  • Why is it that every girl thinks she's the best her boyfriend can do? I think you just need to accept that you're maybe less attractive but better for him in other ways. You may be a better person overall than his ex.

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  • She only looks better to you not necessarily to him. Not every man has the same outlook as to what is beautiful. But if you keep that kind of self-esteem you definitely will be the next ex. Look up a video on YouTube hot versus crazy the guy does a chart. It may make you understand better and it will definitely make you laugh and this sentence will make sense afterwards she wasn't a unicorn

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What Girls Said 35

  • It doesn't matter. If he is with you - it means he is satisfied with what you have to offer him.

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  • He wouldn't be with you if he didn't see you as beautiful. Guys almost always realize eventually a beautiful heart is better than a beautiful face. You'd be surprised how a guy will see what most think is a beautiful woman on the outside as ugly. That's because who you are on the inside changes how people are you on the outside. When I was 16 years old i would say I was an ugly duckling. I was a bit over weight and didn't really care about styling my hair or looking my best. But this guy who was popular with the girls and very good looking for to know me one night at a party. The next day he asked if I would be his girlfriend. I was happy but seriously shocked. It bugged me why he was with me when he had so many prettier options. So I asked him why. He said that when a person is beautiful on the inside it makes them beautiful on the outside. Plus I had a great and funny personality that made him laugh a lot. The point is not all men are superficial when it comes to finding someone they want to possibly spend their life with.

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  • Maybe you THINK she's prettier and she is more suited to him, but the universe brought you to your boyfriend for a reason. Her heart and soul is filled with darkness, and that doesn't seep away just because she's beautiful.

    You are the beautiful light of your boyfriend's light, be proud of your body, your soul and your value. You are the one he wants now. Embrace it.

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  • Never been in that situation hahaha so happy. I`m sure he will someday, but he hasn`t so far hehehe

    As for your situation, who cares? Find someone better looking than him. You can at least think to yourself that he had good taste in women. There isn`t much you can do. He probably wants you to feel down about it.

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  • Yes, I have felt this way in every relationship. I’m not a pretty girl. I have very bold, masculine features. My own son says I look strong. I am very sad. Because, despite this. I still attract very cute guys. But, they seem to treat me like the last thing on earth because they know that they can have better looking. I can’t give any advice because I’m looking for answers on the same subject myself. My heart goes out to you love.

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  • Everyone is right. For once here. Insecure. Don't make anything out of it or he will find a reason to call her. Talk to yourself and if there is something you don't like about yourself, fix it and show her up, bae. xx

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  • I had this issue for the first few months I was with my current boyfriend. I'm a chubby girl, his ex was petite ( I only knew this because a few of her dresses were still in his closet) and it made me super insecure even though he'd tell me constantly that he loved my curves and my tummy. I eventually got over it and I hope you're able to eventually get over your insecurities about your BFS ex as well

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  • No matter what you look like someone out there will always look better to you or someone else. It's silly to fret about such a normal thing... Just know that your boyfriend loves you for who you are that's exactly why he chose you. And who cares who dumped whom in his previous relationship... Either way it's over.

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  • She broke his heart. So why would he ever go back to her? Ex is an ex because he/she was something we didn't want. He wouldn't be dating you if he wanted someone like her. You are different in looks, personality etc. That's why he is dating you. Stop thinking about these things

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  • So don't stay in a relationship when you feel insecure about yourself because that could create more problems and pain. Maybe love yourself first? Just a suggestion. <3 good luck

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  • If that bothers you, there must be something else wrong in the relationship. Looks is just looks, when we fall for a person we fall for so much more. Keep that in mind.

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  • I have a hard time dealing with this as well.

    But your update is concerning. "He would still be with her if she didn't end it." This could mean two things, the obvious where anyone would still be in a relationship if someone hadn't broken up. (Casual cause and effect) or, he would take her back if she asked him out again, or he still has feelings for her, etc.

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  • I thought my boyfriend's ex was more attractive than me, and she broke his heart too so I often wondered if he would've ever dated me if she wouldn't have done that. He's told me I'm the most beautiful girl he's seen. I can't really help how I feel about how I see myself vs how I see her, but I am happy knowing that my boyfriend chose me and that he loves me very much. 💕

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  • Just ask yourself sweetheart who is he with now? You that's right so don't worry too much. I ran into the same problems except he was still texting her. In the end my jealousy and me being so self conscious about how I looked pushed him away and made him feel like I didn't trust him. I would've lost him if he hadn't talked to me about it

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  • He is with you and not her.
    You may think that she is prettier than you by your guy may not think so.
    Also beauty isn't everything, maybe she was a total bitch.

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  • Awe I feel you.. My ex's ex is so pretty and skinny. But you should not be worried cause he's already with you right? Plus, I think you should talk to him bout that, I'm sure he'll able to go through this insecurities

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  • Remember, he’s with YOU for a reason. Obviously he likes you better.

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  • There is a good chance he thinks you're better looking, and even if he doesn’t, who cares? If he didn't want to be with you, he would still be chasing her

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  • Even good looking people have their ugly side... they are just better at hiding it...

    Beauty is not only face and body
    Its about habits, higiene, way to talk too

    Maybe she is a gossiper, her room must be a mess, a shoppholic... to physical that is boring.. just taking about makeup nonstop... etc many things... God is fair...

    :v

    Not that u should wish the worst fo her... but hey u dont know her... thats why u can only see her outside good parts... who show their bad sides to the public eye

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    • Oh come on this is ridiculous. You don't have to tear this girl down just because the other girl feels insecure. Some people are just all around better than me and that's okay. Just because she's prettier doesn't mean she's worse in other areas for God sakes.

  • Keep silent about your insecurities. You are everything she isn't or he would be trying to get back with her. Talk to yourself. You're amazing, girl.

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