Is it cool if the lady makes the first move?

There's this guy at work who I really have strong feelings for and sometime back I thought the feelings were mutual because of the way he used to act around me and talk to me. After sometime he stopped talking to me and he doesn't even seem interested anymore. I don't know if I should tell him that I got feelings for him or just let him be and die inside. I'm scared if It may ruin everything cause he probably feels the same way towards me and is just shy to talk about it or I may decide to talk to him about it and end up looking crazy cause he probably doesn't even like me that much. Heeeeelp please
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I get picked up and I love it. What else can I say? You know there is a range to the degree a woman can do; I had: *a look*..*a stare*... "what are you up to?" ... *she punched me* ... *acting bitchy and mean for no reason at all--throwing my food at me--waitress* ... to my favorite "you and me are going together and that is the way it is going to be..".
    There is one more that still captivates me today: I was at a yacht race on the dock finishing up the lines, this petite comes up to me, takes my hand and leads me below without a word, and we went at it and I still can’t get her out of my head after a couple years.

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  • My brother arrived at his college campus, one day. He got out of his car and started making his way out of the parking lot. As he walked, he passed by a random chick. They traded glances for just a second as they passed by one another and he went to class.

    When his class was over, he walked back to his car to find a note on his windshield. It said "Hey, I think I saw you checking me out when you walked by. Call me if you're interested" and she left her number.

    My brother ended up calling her and they've been dating for over 5 years now. If you're interested in a guy, don't hide your feelings. Show yourself for who you are and how you feel. If he doesn't accept you, then that isn't someone you would want as a boyfriend, anyways. Don't drive yourself crazy over someone who proves themselves to be incompatible. God knows your bound to come across someone else later in life that you'll be crazy about, too. It happens to us all plenty of times. And it always will.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Tell him. What's the worst that can happen? He's already not talking to you, so it can only get better from there. If he doesn't correspond the feelings, then you got that off of your chest. But if he does then you got yourself a new bae. Either way you end up winning. So do you, and get your man. Best of luck!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 77

  • Yes but hundred times your gender will ask, hundreds time you will not do it

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  • Close your eyes... Imagine yourself 10... 15.. 20... 35 years from now. Are you happy? Are you happy with all the choices you made? Are you with the guy you love most? Or just settling?

    They did a survey once on the elderly, and the biggest regrets they had in life, were not things they did. But the things they didn't do...

    Don't let this guy be, the one who got away...

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  • What risk is there. If you never ask, you'll never get. If you do ask, there is a good chance. 90% of guys LOVE being asked out. It's one of the best things ever.

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  • If I were in your position I would make a move. Guys are not always that great at taking hints (I am talking from experience 😂) and that's why it may seem like he doesn't have feelings for you. It is very cool for a girl to make the first move since it shows you are confident and outgoing and I would love to see more females do this. Yes, I am only 14, so you don't have to listen to my advice.

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  • I would say yes, but as some other people said, just don't be weird about it. You don't need to go up and tell him straight up you have feelings. Play the "long con," and start beginning the conversation with him, then ask if he wants to get drinks after work sometime or something.

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  • You got it wrong I think. He’s already made a couple of first moves, although maybe a bit too subtle. He might be too low key. Shyness, a lot of respect for you (or both)
    Respond with a bit more forward countermoves and see if he finds his feet again.

    But if it seems to be going in circles, bite the bullet and just flat out ask him what he feels about you.

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  • My ex made the first move in talking to me and getting me to notice.. then i asked her out some time after she was a good girlfriend but wanted to too dominant :/

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  • It Shows that she is Independent confident And Have Guts But If a Guy Rejects Such Girl For This Reason than It Means That Guy can't Handle More Ambitious Girl Than Himself

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  • Definitely, you should make the fist move... Guys get shy when they are tense, thinking about how to make their first move... if you do it for them, they might hwve a headstart and might surprise you ( at least that's what my exp. with my girlfriend says)

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  • Please! It would be totally acceptable for a lady to make the forts move. I wouldn't start with 'hey I have feelings for you', but feel free to ask him out and see if it's really mutual by the end of the night.

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  • I prefer to have a woman make the first move. I use to make the first move so I am an expert in rejection and being ignored. It never feels good and it can be painful depending on the reaction or comment back

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  • My wife made the first move cause I was too shy and now ten years later and two beautiful daughters I can say she did the right thing so go for it

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  • For sure. It's hard now days to tell if a female is into you and itd be nice for a female to be like yo tou cute wanna go hangout. Alotnor guys might not be shy around girls until it comes to asking for dates and stuff

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  • Don't know if it is cool but it certainly is convenient with a change for once.

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  • Never ever date anyone at work. A) it can get you fired B) it is unprofessional and can affect your career path even if you don't get fired C) if you date and break up, work will be far more unpleasant than not knowing.

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  • Here's the thing, it you are teasing him, he is going to see you as tease, but if you really want him to notice you just be yourself.

    You could also just throw in, a hang out situation.

    Or better yet just make small talk

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  • Times have changed and men are wiser. If women are running against the biological clock, why would any man chase a woman? Maybe you should make a move.

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  • Go right ahead. Ask him. Some of us dont pick up on hints. Sometimes i personally feel that things would be easier if women just opened up there mouth an actually told us what they want

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  • There was a poll about this few days ago, if it's ok for a girl to make the first move. 125% voted yes. So go for it.

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  • Some guys are sacred that thay will get rejected so the stop acting intrested i do it some times its just a thing. But you should go for it.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Yes, it can be nerve wracking because society in the past made it seem like a bad thing. However, it’s very good for character growth and your situation. Some guys don’t get hints and sometimes guys want girls to make the first move. I’ve had many guy friends tell me they wanted the girl to make first moves TOO.

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  • A lot of men say they like it when girls ask them, and they probably do because of ego--like anyone would feel--but from what I've observed, men like to chase and be challenged; if a man really likes you, more often than not he will initiate conversation etc., or there will be signs that he is into you. Even in "shy" guys, if you pay attention, you will know.

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  • It's cool. And if the guy judges you for that then you will know he is not right for you. So you can move on

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  • It's cool for the girl to make the first move.

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    • What if I do and get turned down. I'll be emotionally broken.

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    • Awh we have it all the time. You get used to it after about a 100 times, don't worry.

    • Can you read minds, I can't, besides you will never know, until you ask, and even if he says no, it's not the end of the world.

      Look at like baseball, Everytime you step up to the plate, you not always going to get hit, or even score HR, but at least you step up to the plate

  • yes it is

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  • If you're cool about it, ya. Either a guy wants to date you or he doesn't, but he won't know unless you ask and not every girl has to wait around.

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