What to do when you DO have access to his social media?

I trust my boyfriend! I really do, yet I can't overcome these "maybe he..." moments and think he's going to cheat on me and I start checking in his social media (that he gave me the password). I've been cheated on before, and it's as if I'm trying to prevent it, even if nothing big ever happened for him to prove that he would cheat on me. How do I overcome this? It's hard not to snoop around, tbh. It's became to the point that I can't even tolerate him talking to other girls cause I'm like " BRUH everyone is prettier than me, ofc he would be looking for another?" I'm projecting my own fears and insecurities, and I'm not sure how to deal with this? Help?


Updates:
Wtf is wrong with you all 😂 I am fully aware it's my own insecurities and fears. It's not him. It's like trying to find a proof that ha! Told you! I do actually suck and here's proof, you want another woman!

It's some fucked up psychological bullshit in my head and im literally asking how to better the image i have of myself in order to feel secure and SIMPLY to believe I'm "enough".

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Most Helpful Guys

  • this isn't about him this about you and your insecurities. Why do you not value yourself enough to believe he wouldn't cheat? or also why do you think you won't be able to survive being cheated on? I don't need your answers to these questions but I believe you do.

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    • I don't think im enough. I've never been enough, which is why i was cheated on.

      I don't know how to work on myself?

    • I’ve been cheated on. That’s not a matter of your worth it’s a matter of their ability to judge worth and trust me anyone who feels comfortable cheating is not a good judge of worth. I don’t know you but I can say with confidence that you are undoubtedly enough. You have been and always will be but until you are able to recognize that people will take the opportunity to treat you as less than what you are. You have to love and respect yourself first not because there’s anything particularly special about you but because you are the only you this world is going to get and you’re perfect at that. Don’t rob the world of what you could be by allowing others to repeatedly determine your worth for you. You don’t have to believe me today but with time that will start to ring more true. I don’t know what you need to work on internally because I’m not you but there is absolutely nothing worthless in this world. It’s all perspective and those who fail to see worth will always feel poor.

    • Wow. Sorry, maybe I'm emotional but you got me all teary-eyed. Thank you a lot, I sincerely appreciate this.

  • You gotta work this out with him. Sit down and talk about it.

    Keep in mind, the fact that he already gave you his password is a show that he wants you to know that you can trust him. He knows you can unlock his phone so he won't do anything wrong. You can also ask him to help you get over it together, and you need to tell him how you feel. Chances are, he will understand and try to make you feel better about yourself, and offer support. Also, out of everyone, he chose you, for who you are. Never forget that.

    I also did the same with my ex-gf (it was mutual actually), wr made our phone passwords the same, and i regularly added her into conversations i was having with other female friends, to keep myself in check and to let her know she could trust me. And it worked! Too bad my parents forced me to break up with her!

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    • You know what, you're probably the youngest to comment and yet you're the one with the most thoughtful and real advice. Everyone is like "just don't" but it doesn't really help.

      As a matter of fact, I did tell him about everything and the reason why I need his help, and he was really kind and helpful. So thank you!

      And sorry to hear about your ex, that gotta suck :/ I highkey relate

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    • The demon behind me is sooo gonna blush 😊 😂😂😂

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ask if he wants to change your password. I dont have acces but he leaves his fb open a lot and I want to check (but I dont). So I get the struggle. Its easier if you dont have acces at all :)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 31

  • My thoughts are this, you are an example of damaged goods. You were scarred and in need of repair. Unless you get amnesia you will never eliminate the scar. However, you must develop a new practice that will propel you forward and then time will help you heal. That practice must be developed by you. It's like learning to compartmentalize your brain. He gave you the password? That is big! Now lose it and record it in ur head that he gave it to you. Truth is, we can all probably find questionable actions of our mate. My ex would spend her free time looking through my life for dirt on me to excuse her of our failing marriage. She did find things too, like pictures and videos of my past that always included my girlfriend. Should I immediately discard all memories upon each new commitment? Truth is we guys think and operate much different, I seen her ex boyfriend pics and all I felt is like, nothing. She would feel very offended by finding my stuff. The bitch took it and destroyed it. Now I have no wife, no memories of a previous either. Wow sorry, I got lost there. Just learn to let it be.

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    • Yeah, that's my issue, I know it's my own past /insecurities /fears that it may happen again, but how do I heal without forgetting?
      How do i train my brain into moving forward instead of looking back all the time?

    • That is the thing you have to learn on your own. Over years I learned my ex wife was incapable of understanding or trusting me because all guys cheat (her beliefs) and over time her Bullshit wore me down. There will always be hotter looking girls that nature makes us guys desire, doesn't mean we'll act on it. Truth is that love and lust are different. I guess ur like 18, you'd better find a way to trust and be fun to be with. He will most likely reciprocate. You must find enjoyment in his personal interests or hobbies. My ex refused all of my hobbies, which forced me to do it alone or stop all together. Sad way to live.
      For some reason this guy makes you feel insecure. Fix that and you may find your answers.. good luck..

    • Yeah, I do recognize when I'm overthinking and I'm going down a dark spiral, so I often try to talk to him about it and make sense of what I am experiencing, although i suck at expressing myself.

      My partner and I are very similar with many hobbies and we both are open to each other interests, which is really good. But then I'm afraid everything else, i just suck. I find myself annoying since I worry all the time, like your ex wife's bullshit.

      I don't want to tire him but he's also my best friend so I don't know who else to ask advice to?

  • Never stop improving yourself. Mentally and physically the only reason we get insecure or have these thoughts are when we find something wrong in our self reflection and know that we have took too much time. If ever you feel this urge it’s time to get back to bettering yourself. Because if there is any indication that the s/o is doing wrong the attitude in which you approach the situation is drastically different.

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    • I know I have to improve myself, but how?

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    • Thank you! You are right, i am losing myself.

    • Good luck darling

  • Fill your time with other stuff. Stuff that absorbs you.

    Your problem is you're spending too much time thinking about whether your boyfriend has cheated, is cheating, or will cheat on you.

    Let those thoughts go. Seriously.

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    • Yeah.. I do admit that these "moments" i have are mostly when i allow myself to overthink.
      During my semesters or work, I'm fine, which makes sense. Thank you, I'll keep it in mind

    • You're welcome :) Try to set aside one hour per day for overthinking. The rest of the time, just acknowledge your thoughts and let them go.

  • You don't trust him, clearly. It's laughable that you're trying to even pass it off like you do. You need to just stop doing it. If you can't be in a relationship without snooping, then you shouldn't be in a relstionship at all.

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    • What's wrong with us? What's wrong with you? You've insulted us by thinking we're stupid enough to not see through your obvious contradictions in your post.

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    • Sorry but wtf?

      Ok backtrack a little bit and fully understand my issue here.

      There isn't a white and black area in the spectrum of trust lmao. Many factors come in play.
      For example, my partner's fingerprint is saved in my phone. He has access to anything.

      But will i give him my pin number to my bank account? No? Should I trust him if he confesses to me that, I don't know, he killed 2 of his exes but that im safe? Naaaaah (ok extreme cases but you get the point)

      If you trust anyone 100%, you got an issue.

      Anyway, point is, factors play in "trust". My past affects my ability to trust and it affects the way i get suspicious and i need to be reassured.

      Hence why. Im literally ASKING for help because I know it's my own insecurities/fear playing with fire.

    • Yes, trusting someone in all aspects is usually unwise, but it can also be said in a general sense whether someone trusts another or not. You said "I do trust him..." but then went on to talk about how in terms of him cheating you do NOT trust him, which is a blatant contradiction. Regardless, it's very hard to be helpful when I feel like you're insulting my intelligence and lying to me/yourself. I have no idea what to do to trust him, I'd Google it.

  • How is this an issue? Just don't. If you feel the need to do this, it's time to break up. This is not how a healthy relationship is.

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    • Yeah, pretty soon she’ll be holding him hostage.

  • mostly post hats.

    but I can understand your being suspicious,

    why not talk it over with him
    and ask if he is doing

    basically whatever things

    that might be related to potentially cheating

    that he may or may not be doing

    maybe talk it over and hopefully clear things up.

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  • Just do something to get your mind off of it, like spending time with him. There is no reason at this Point to think he is cheating. Focus on your relationship.

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  • That's why whenever I'm with a girl I shit test her from the beginning and either ask for her phone to check the messages or her social media out of the blue just to see a reaction. Some girls react very normally and hand me their phones, other panic and tell me to mind my business. When that happens it's just red flags all over. I don't mind girls cheeking on my stuff by the way, and it's not insecurity. It's just you don't blindly trust people like that. Trust must be earned.

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  • This is a huge personal problem for me because I value privacy so much. I've cut people out of my life completely that I'd known for 10+ years because they did that shit, and it wasn't even to me
    So no matter what the reason may be I think it's fucked up to ever go through someone's phone or computer

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  • You're enough. If you've got a good man, tell him that you don't feel like enough, and he'll probably have some encouraging words for you.

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  • just the classic coming out as gay confessions xD those never get old.

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  • It's normal, but at some point, you have to trust him and he trusts you, there has to be a point where you let go of the lack of trust and just trust that he's your guy?

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  • If y'all in committed relationship then I say secrets are bad. Y'all should know everything no privacy

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  • If a girls first thought isn't to post some highly inappropriate post that my gran is going to see we probably aren't going to workout.

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  • You don't seem to be fit for a relationship to begin with.
    But I understand that being cheated on changes you so I can't blame you.

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  • Bounderies. There's nothing wrong with these people but there's something wrong with you.

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  • Bah ya id look around a little hahah then get bored. Unless i find something 😛

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  • Look it’s normal to feel paranoid after going through that, we are on the same boat. It just means you haven’t completely gotten over it.

    Sure you can feel great most days and feel perfectly fine but one day there’s going to be a trigger that brings back the shitty feelings hardcore.

    Which will cause extreme harm to your relationship if you haven’t learned to control your emotions and micro manage it so it won’t be too overwhelming.

    Think logically is all I have to say, don’t let your emotions cloud your judgement. Surely there’s a reason why you chose your current boyfriend.

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    • I guess I'm not over being cheated on.. It's just, I've seen the signs before so it's hard not to seek for them and I don't know, tell my pessimist side that heeey it was right.

      This is gonna sound stupid but how do you put your logic in front of your emotions? I've mostly always acted on my feelings

    • It’s difficult, I’m not gonna lie to you. I still have my moments where it gets me off guard but not bad as it used to be the first couple of times. So when it hits you try to avoid contact but in a way that isn’t noticeable (for example pretend to be working on something). After I get in my bubble I just listen to music to calm me down, look at funny pictures on my phone, think about happy memories or anything to drown those emotions and thinking logically.

      Your mind is most likely playing tricks on you, and filling your head up with bullshit that isn’t real.

      By using logic it just means thinking of the things that will cancel out your bad thoughts. He gave you his facebook password so it means he wants you to know he isn’t a cheater and hopefully he knows that you have that baggage which makes it much easier because he is definitely trying to prove to you that he’s not a cheater.

  • Social media ruins marriages and relationships I avoid the hole concept at all times

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  • Why does everyone think others are better than them?

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What Girls Said 14

  • Maybe you ahpuld try counseling to treat your insecurity and trust issues because at some point, it doesn't matter how good he or you are, it will drag your relationship down...
    I'm not saying you are badshit crazy... You just are insecure because shit hasppened and maybe a professional cpukd help you overcome it...
    And for the record, ( and I don't have a boyfriend) i would posy crazy shit to make his friends and followers laugh at him...
    Shame on me I know... But well...

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    • Oh no i dont post anything, it's just like, i check his blocked ex's last messages and stuff, I don't know

    • But yeah, I'll first try to work it out by talking to him and then seek actual ways to help myself get a higher self esteem

    • That is the best way to improbe yourself because the thing with trust is that you have to be confident yourself first and them you can trust others and not the other way around!
      And the thing with the posting is what I would do hahaha
      I wpuld post some weird shit just to scare people and make jokes About it...
      Seeing that you know what's gping on with you says a lot really... I'm sure that you will get better...

  • I don't have his password on anything. doesn't mean that I don't trust him. I only have a trust issue with girls since past relationship as me a hell with two different guys that did cheat on me. I am very thankful for my current boyfriend to avoid the shitty guys.

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  • Question your relationship and its bases. Needing to have access to each other's private accounts isn't trusting and won't serve you right on the long run.

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  • You don't trust your boyfriend if you have those "maybe he.." moments and especially if you end up checking as well.

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  • Lmao its normal don't worry about it. If you feel like doing it do it once in a while if you feel the need to but not everyday

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  • Learn how to go with the flow, better to take a risk rather then overthinking something. If he did cheat on you there will always be a way you will find out.

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  • I would not use it, honestly just trust him that he won't, I mean he is not your ex

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    • I know, it's hard to believe me when I say i trust him, but I do! It just feels like I'm trying to prove myself wrong? It's so hard to explain, but I'm so certain I'm a sucky unworthy person that it doesn't make sense he ONLY has eyes for me?

    • I know what you mean, I personally think that when you trust him, you wouldn't have to prove it to yourself, trying to prove it just shows me that you low key have no trust
      Maybe just start with not checking his social media out and when you feel you need to sit down with him and talk
      Did you talked about this with him? If not you should

  • Ur not ready to be in a relationship. You have to be emotionally stable and take care of your issues first.

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  • Uh, you shouldn't be in a relationship. I have trust issues too, but you're way over the top.

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  • My Girlfriend has my passwords and I have hers it’s about trust we’re open with each other.

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  • Mind my own business

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  • Same problem

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  • Create funny updates 😂

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  • Don't reply to the messages he got

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