Do women put men in the FRIEND ZONE... or do the men put themselves there?


Do women put men in the FRIEND ZONE... or do the men put themselves there?
When a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-romantic entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp. So if the girl doesn't like you does it really mean you are in the magical place called the Friend Zone? Nobody said you had to be friends with her? Everyone probably knows my opinion on the matter and it goes something like this:

"The Friend Zone is a psychological place in which you put yourself when you behave like a friend with the person you like, because you don't have the courage to behave otherwise."

What do you think?
  • Women do it to men
    Vote A
  • Men do it to themselves
    Vote B
  • There is no such thing as the FRIEND ZONE
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Men put themselves in the friendzone with women--no contest

    After I dumped my ex (for cheating on me), I started hanging out with a guy I work with who I knew liked me, but I was very verbal about not wanting a new relationship at all (not just with him, but in general). We ended up being great friends and hung out almost every weekend together, but I always made sure he and other people knew we were just friends. Then he totally started ignoring me, and started acting weird at work and smirking at me, so I've stopped being friendly back. All my friends say he's just upset that I'm not dating him, so I guess this is a problem with the "friendzone" every guy complains about

    He did it to himself though. I never acted more than friendly with him. When I took him clubbing, I never danced on him (while I danced with all of my girl friends). I tried not to say suggestive things towards him in case he took it the wrong way. I never even hugged him because I didn't want him to feel like I had anything more than platonic feelings for him. When he tried to pose for me at the gym, I called him out and told him to stop. And I was explicitly clear with everyone at work who asked about us that I was NOT interested in him in any way

    Now it just feels like he was a jerk the whole time just trying to get to me, and that he never wanted to be just friends (even though he gave me a whole spiel about how he would be ok with just being friends because apparently Tupac was just friends with a girl he loved or something.) I kind of wonder if he was just trying to take advantage of my delicate emotional state after breaking up with my ex. In that case, it makes him a crappy friend and means he would've been an even worse boyfriend if I actually had fallen for it. Plus I recently found out he lied to me about a bunch of stuff, worst of all claiming he quit smoking pot because of me

    So I'm glad he never got out of the friendzone, but he could've just left when I told him I wasn't interested the first time (or second or hundredth...)

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    • He liked you, you put him in the friendzone, so he did the only thing you can do to get out. End the friendship.

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    • @EthanR1chards
      No. He had an option in the beginning to not pursue friendship at all when that was the only option I gave him. Women may create the friendzone, but it's men who willingly enter it. And nobody can trap you in a friendship you don't want to be a part of

    • Oh and I forgot to add that I was friends with this guy for almost a year. So it's not like we were friends for a month or two. We were friends for a while and spent a lot of time together (and his daughter loved me) and he just up and started acting weird one day for no reason. I did not force him into a friendship for a whole year

  • It's a mixture of both for me but it's mainly my choice. If the guy has things I know I personally don't want in my life I place him there. Or if I'm already interested in another man I place the other guy (s) in the friend zone because I focus on one man at a time. Due to respect for the man pursuing me and myself. Or sometimes I'm not looking for a relationship so I place every man there. The only time a man puts himself there with me is when he doesn't want to ruin something we have, Ior I'm with another man.

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    • If the man is interested in you sexually and you are with another man than what exactly would the two of you have that the man wouldn't want to ruin?

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    • Mostly single moms I can’t stand them as people to date but you can usually sneak in and out of them easy for mid week relief. So I’m always too busy to really go out with them or waste time

    • @pipeliner78 All my friends are men lol. But my boyfriend was making money and living his own life despite trying to pursue me.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Women put men there... but men choose whether to stay in the zone or dump her and focus his energies elsewhere. So, while the woman makes the initial decision, it's the guy who decides whether to put up with it or seek opportunities elsewhere.

    I strongly recommend the latter, because it's exceedingly rare to get out of the Friend Zone with any particular girl.

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  • All these "bitch ass" men that complain about a friend zone like it's a bad thing? What even is that? What does a "friend" zone even mean to you, I mean?

    Would you not want to know a woman if she isn't your family or your SO? Don't you like to have friends that have the opposite gender?

    Like why not be in the friend zone? I wouldn't have lived and experienced half the life I have so far if all my friends were guys, like what even...

    Do you only look at a woman and think, she'll either be a stranger to me or a lover... seriously, get real! Enough with this bullshit already!

    Men and women can be friends without them having to fuck each other like animals.

    Friend zone is a lovely place to be and I can gladly say I am in a couple of them and I don't mind them. Neither I nor my SO thinks me being in the "friend zone" is a bad thing.

    Yes, it can argued that for someone who you like and pretend to be a friend to her, that's entirely on you for not elaborating how you feel to her. How is she supposed to know that you like her that way? If she rejects your advances and if you still remain her friend, then you need to have some respect for yourself and not continue that friendship, simple as that.

    Anytime you are friends with a woman who you'd rather be intimate with is your fault, same goes for women who stay friends with men they are interested in. You are pathetic. Admit and be with them. If they don't want to be with you, have some dignity and end that friendship!

    I hope I don't hear about this shit again! Pisses me off! Oh, and also, I didn't select an option in the poll because nothing clarifies what I want to say.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 59

  • Its a bit of both! I've been friendzoned a few times and i have also friendzoned lots of people too, we can't like everyone, or life would be boring!

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    • Simply said, but genius. If you just liked everyone, then finding "the one" wouldn't be as special anymore, because then everyone could technically be the one at that point.

  • It's pretty rare but it does happen, most the time guys put themselves there. Usually by being too eager/pushy, overly sad about her disinterest/indifferent (sometimes talking about 'date me or self-harm') or she already knows they don't match. Like a super quiet girl with a high powered, controlling guy.

    I don't think that guys do it intentionally and it sucks when someone you like rejects you but a relationship has to be a two way thing for it to work. The thing I most commonly saw when growing up was that the guys who would pout about being friendzoned would go after *only* the hottest, most popular girls, often asking them again and again with no concern about whether they matched or not and wouldn't even think about an 8 or under despite not being more than a 4 themselves, especially in their personality.

    Are all friendzoned guys like this? No! Of course not. But it did happen a lot. So maybe one of the ways to fix this is to say "Okay, she's not interested" and look around at other girls too. I mean you'd probably hate if it a girl/s you'd friendzoned wouldn't take the hint & kept trying or whinging

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  • Men who complain about friendzone should start treating women like people not objects you can have if you want to.

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  • When I used to see clients face to face for psychic readings I often got men turning up for readings who then decided they fancied me and thought that so long as they fancied me I had to say yes. Many of them even admitted to me they were used to paying for sex and wanted to find a woman they can go to regularly because it would save them a lot of money! Charming! They were usually married or notihing to look at or extremely shy and boring or something else wrong with them. Some of them were very pushy and demanding.
    I once met a guy who came around door to door to do gardening.
    He said he would be happy to tidy up and take care of my front garden for £20 an hour. He then looked me up and down and said well you are quite tasty and good looking sweetie, how about I come over and do your garden regularly for £20 an hour and when I do that we sleep together and have sex together too? So not only was he insulting my intelligence by talking as if I give sex away to any tom dick and harry who fancies it - and he never thought that maybe I had a partner -
    but he also thought I would pay him £20 an hour at same time!
    I found out he was married - of course - and strangely enough his wife found out, wonder how.

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  • I don't really think people consciously put others anywhere. It's all subconscious, and depends entirely on who you click with/don't click with. Certain types of people just won't be attractive to you, and there's not a whole lot you can do about that. It doesn't really matter if it's something the guy or girl could change about themselves, because it's usually a combination of factors (not just a single factor) that decide whether attraction is possible or not. Hence, it's not like girls LITERALLY think "oh this guy is just a friend, I could never date him, therefore I'll now put him in the guy friend box with the rest of my guy friends, and he shall stay there until the day I die". It's also not as if guys are like "ok if I behave like this I'll defo screw myself over and put myself in the friendzone, yesssss".
    It's just a matter of whether you click or not, and it happens on such a subconscious level that it's not as if anyone is actively and purposefully putting other people into mental boxes, they just kinda end up where they end up. And usually there's not a whole lot anyone could do about that.

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    • Point being: there are too many factors to take into consideration to pin the blame of the friendzone on just one person. I think it usually depends on a variety of factors that can be found in both men and women.

    • MHO here.

  • Both. Some guys won't take hints or direct statements such as "I don't like you." They are their own worst enemies. But in some cases, women do it to men, because girls get butthurt that the guy didn't follow her rules. Whether we admit it or not, we all have an idea of how guys are supposed to act. And some girls really get offended it a guy doesn't go by her internal script. So they flirt with a guy, he misses some mark, and then the friendzone him to protect their wounded egos.

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  • I dont like the term "Friend zone". Everyone has someone in the friend zone and it's not someone's fault. People shouldn't be complaining to be in the friend zone after being rejected. It's because you're not their type or they just don't find attraction in you. "Friend zone" was made up buy guys and girls who wanted to blame the other party for rejecting them. In my opinion that is.

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    • Nah... friendzoned isn't something as negative as that. It's as you said... the girl or guy doesn't find them attractive so they're either friedzoned or stop talking altogether. Whether they take it well or not has no relation to them being friendzoned.

  • You take too long or hesitate to ask her out but want to be friends then you screwed yourself over. Women love having guy friends, we can rely on them and tell them everything about our romantic relationships and get their guy perspective on things.

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    • Uh.. thats called waiting for your legs to spread situation while fucking your sisters and all your friends until you wake up... according to the BroCode.

  • Friend zone suggests the person wants to just be friends. Most of the time the person doesn't want to be friends or anything. So you are either dating potential or you're not. And the one making that decision is the one that is being 'pursued', as they are the one in control at that point.

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  • When there's definitely a connection, yet we don't feel any sort of sexual attraction... Sorry, but if I'm not attracted to you in a sexual/ intimate way there is 0 chance of ever getting up in this gut! And FYI if she won't be with you exclusively, only as a friend, yet let you fuck (once or twice or fwb) then get tf away if you want to be more than just friends w/ her, BC 1 she's easier than you think, most likely has and currently does get around a lot

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  • Guys “made” the friends zone bc some people feel there is black and white matters, no gray zone. If there is one, laws of logic knows that there is no right answer. You chose to be put for others to use or be the user.

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  • I want to be friends with a guy i truly like. Otherwise it feels cheap. I dont friend zone guys. If im interested i welcome friendship If im not there was never ay possibility anyhow. If i get involved without friendship it would mean i dont have much interest. maybe attraction but nothing substantial. I've never done that. I have only dated after years.

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  • It's not a woman's problem if a man befriended her trying to get a date and is to much of a damn coward to say he's romantically interested.

    So many of y'all complain all other love long day about how women play mind games and then pull this shit.

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    • So you can get out of the friend zone just by being honest? I've never made it far enough to be put in the friend zone so I don't know

  • I treat my male friends like they are genuinely capable of friendship, and I have real friendships with them. Some may or may not want to sleep with me, but we have a genuine relationship aside from that. I may or may not want to sleep with some of them, but for whatever reason, we don't. None of that means we can't be real friends to one another.

    If a man is pretending to be my friend, but only wants sex, that's something he's choosing to do. He'll probably find he doesn't get very close to me or get much of my attention because I am more interested in genuine people in my life, not false friends; and I have plenty of male and female friends who love me like family, so I can certainly be choosy about who I let close to me. If he stands around on the outskirts of my social circle kicking rocks, then that's a place he put himself by not being an actual friend to me.

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  • Men do it for themselves BECAUSE there’s no such thing as the friend zone.

    I mean in the literal sense there is. But the friendzone is perceived as a place a man doesn’t wanna go to. This is a fallacious perspective they have created for themselves, so they fall into it.

    You make friends in life. Both men and women. You can’t help that, it’s part of our nature. But when you say that being friends with a woman is BAD or it’s a FAILURE, that is when you fall into your own delusional trap.

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  • Guys cannot control the girl´s type and it´s all up to her, since she can like although he is not her type or she doesn´t like dating anybody that doesn´t fit her type and think he´s like a brother. Acting like a brother is different to lots of girls (from what I´ve noticed). But you can get out of the friend Zone, of course!

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  • You can either put yourself in it or you can be put in it. If you ask out your friend and they say no then you were put in it. If you are in love with your friends for years and never say anything then you put yourself in the friendzone. This goes for any gender.

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  • When I'm friends with a guy my intentions are clear that I am just friends with him. Later if he starts having feelings (nothing wrong with it, it happens) and I don't necessarily feel the same, there is nothing I can do. I understand that it is unfortunate and it happens, and again I wouldn't dislike a guy if he develops the wish to be more than just friends, but when I let him know that I don't feel the same and then he becomes a duck about it then I can do nothing about it.

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  • I think it's a joint effort however you may be correct. But the only guys I put in the friend zone is the guys I'm not attracted too. There was this one guy I was attracted to at first. But after the first time we met and he hugged me he had horrible b. o.😖I couldn't help it. It turned me off. It made me think if I got sexually involved it would be a stinky situation. So I put him in the friendzone.

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  • I have no idea. All I know is that if you think the friendzone is the end, you're giving up. There are many guys I can think of that I've initially felt like friends towards, but then developed an attraction to. Don't be so finite. It may take a while, but you can get out of it.

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What Guys Said 98

  • Like most of the horrible ills that we suffer in life, the friend zone is almost always self-inflicted.

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  • Women friendzone them because a conscious decision has to be made to do it since the guy wants more than just being a friend.

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  • Men are definitely not putting themselves there. Women who aren't romantically interested are the ones who offer "we can still be friends to men." Guys aren't the ones really deciding that. It's ridiculous to even see all these women commenting here and saying guys do.

    It's funny because a woman can try to extend friendship after telling him she's not into him like that, yet if the guy is the one who says, "Well, we can still be friends," then women are the ones who think it's bad, like he's hoping he can get sex later.

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    • Nah, you do it to yourself, unless she's giving mixed signals.
      If she says no, then no. If you cannot accept that as that, then bounce.
      Don't put yourself in a weak position.

  • I agree with that statement. You know where I stand on this, eh, Coach? 🙂
    I appreciated your contribution to my take in which I elaborated more on this: No One Can "Friendzone" You Without Your Consent ↗

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  • 1. The friendzone does not exist. It's a concept or an idea, that more men than women fall into. It's an artificial mental prison and nobody forces you to stay there at gunpoint. You can leave that state of mind (friendzone) at will but some guys just don't want to.
    2. Guys often put themselves into the "friendzone".
    3. Women often put guys into the "friendzone".

    ...

    4. Downvotes are tasty. But upvotes are even better.

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  • I think this is at least partly right. But wouldn't you agree that there are some women you just can't have? That are just not interested? Because your view seems to imply that any man can get any woman he wants if he just does the right things?

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    • Not at all. If the man treats the woman like a friend than that is what he is going to get.. NO ATTRACTION. If the man shows a romantic interest and she still is not interested than that is where the man has to say okay let's move on. Either scenario the man can end up being strung along if they allow it. Men have a choice. They are not TRAPPED in this magical place called the friendzone LOL.

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    • There is super small percentage of women who feel this way. That super small percentage somehow gets all the attention on the news and makes guys feel like they can't even look at a woman without going to jail. I think it's nonsense. I talk to women all the time at bars, grocery stores, etc.

    • Yeah. It's a shame. I've wasted many precious years because of them.

  • Friendzone? More like "not interested" zone. If someone isn't interested in you, then you're only hurting yourself by calling it a friend zone. Stop being stubborn and accept the fact that you didn't win her heart. There's hundreds of thousands of girls just like her in the world, so move on and try again.

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  • A little bit of both.

    Guys get there often because they're so afraid of rejection that they don't make their intentions known until it's too late and the girl only sees him as a friend or finds another guy.

    It can happen for other reasons, maybe she's just not interested, but then the guy stays. I think this is a little of both. The guy should leave if he doesn't want to be friend-zoned, but for some reason he doesn't. Often this is actually because he feels like that's an asshole thing to do - often because they girl tells him so. I would never stay friends with a girl who turned me down, so if they gave me the "lets just be friends" speech I'd tell them I wasn't interested in being friends. They'd make a big deal out of that.

    You'll notice that women who say that the friend-zone doesn't exist so often say that the guy is somehow misogynistic because he doesn't see friendship with her as a good thing. These women just don't get it, but these are those women I'm talking about.

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  • The friendzone is emotional exploitation. Nothing more or less.
    Ultimately the guy has to decide to move on if it hurts him, yes. But women are perfectly aware of when they "put someone in the friendzone" - they do it deliberately, essentially using the guy's affection towards them to put said guy on a leash.
    We hear people excusing women in abusive relationships. If someone dares to say "Just leave!", the empowerment squad comes-a-knocking to give you a lesson about male privilege. Well, guess what - the friendzone operates on the same principle as an abusive relationship. The abused can't leave because the abuser gives them just enough affection to keep them around.

    So the answer is both. Women put guys in the friendzone, and guys don't have the mental strength most of the time to just leave.
    That being said, I think the important thing is not to look for a scapegoat, and put the blame on either sex, but to find a mutually useful solution.

    Regarding my purely personal opinion, I think putting someone in the friendzone as a girl is incredibly scummy, and should be socially discouraged.

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  • Such a thing as friendzone exists because humans are weak, they are afraid of losing what they have, afriad of taking risks. So women friendzone men that are interested in them, why? Because they are bad people? I think not. When you consider someone your friend, it means that this person is to be trusted, it means something to you, well not romantically but probably has your respect, Now if this person, says that he is in love with you, why would "friendzone" him? Well because you're a weak person, you are afraid of losing one friend, you ignore his feelings, to satisfy yours and why wouldn't you? Humans are full of greed, they would do anything to satisfy their own desire, whether you're a man or woman. Now if you really don't like that guy, why would you consider him a friend in the first place? Or even put him in a friendzone from the moment you won't respond to his feelings? But of course for back up! In case you're hurt or rejected by a person you love, you will always have a back up, a person that is guaranteed that he loves you.

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  • Guys do it to themselves, it’s pretty clear if a girl wants to have sex with u or not from the get go, if she doesn’t want to stop talking to her it’s that simple. I put myself in the friendzone before and I had a realization one day like aside from fucking her, what does she have to offer as a friend? Her good stories and hilarious jokes? 🙄 get real 😂 most girls are awful friends that use male friendship for attention and that’s it.

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  • Women decide in 30-120 seconds if they will go out with a guy. Women could control all men by withholding sex. But in my experience the women get off more than i do that i sleep with.

    Honestly I don't think I could be friends friends with a chick unless she liked guy activities and did guy things... but I've slept with most of my current female "friends"...

    I don't believe any straight guy is actually friends with any girls it's just a waiting game or if a guy in the friend zone to make his move. There's nothing wrong with a few friends exchanging friction as long as I am the only guy. I was only friends with hot girls in college and there's only one reason for that period I do not believe any guy genuinely is a friend and wants to be a friend of a chick ever, (well... a man that is straight and not trans anything) if the girl is attractive.

    THE MOST IMPORTANT TAKE AWAY; IF YOUR A HOT CHICK NO GUY LIKES YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE ON THE INSIDE. THEY ONLY ARE TALKING TO YOU TO GET LAID. ITS THE SAD TRUTH. MOST HOT GIRLS GO THROUGH THIS. THEY THINK THEY HAVE ALL THESE FRIENDS, MOSTLY GUYS, AND IN REALITY NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOUR GUY FRIENDS IS REALLY A FRIEND. RIGHT NOW YOU CAN TEST THIS THEORY. Text a guy friend to come over right now or late. If they w as nt to hang out at 2am the guy is only trying to screw u... in more than one way.

    I dont get why girls are so shocked when it happens.

    I think guys are dumb. Women are smarter than us men. They just font know HOW MUCH SMARTER THEY ARE! ;)

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  • Women put men in the friendzone more so than guys do with women. Men don't put themselves there haha. That would imply that they have a choice in the matter.

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    • Men who are intelligent enough to see that the woman doesn't like him in that way can make a choice not to be their friend. There is a difference.

    • That's only the case if you don't care to be their friend at all.

  • Sorta both in way but really...

    It specifically refers to the social state that a specific woman has assigned to a specific man, so the friendzone as an abstract object exists in the mind of the girl. This made more obvious when considering that if the girl expressed interest toward a guy then that guy wouldn't be in the friendzone despite performing the same behaviour. So again, it specifically refers to a psychological phenomenon in women's minds.

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    • Haha good point. If they would show interest there would be no friend zone.

  • It happens automatically if you have to much respect towards them. Is it a good or bad thing to have respect? So I think it's not the doing of guys that they are in the friend zone. But girls do expect them to fix it, and also seem to blame them for it. Looks like they don't like to take the responsibility here, once again. Well luckily there is an easy fix.

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  • Girls do but only chumps stay. Whenever this happens you have to move on to something else.
    s.yimg.com/.../...inline_o6nvufxGOc1t0ijhl_500.gif

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  • If a girl is your friend and doesn't want to be Romantic, that's her choice. But if she's REALLY your friend, she ought to help you find an actual girlfriend. Usually however, those sorts of relationships are entirely one sided and the girl puts exactly zero effort into being a friend while the guy bends over backwards.

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  • The friendzone is a product of society.
    This is because women can be choosey due to them being the 'prize' , a woman can hold out as long as she wants for a better guy to come to her but still needs someone to fall back on if she can't find someone better.
    That's why women friendzone its sort of boyfriend reserve.

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  • Being Friend zoned just means your trying to pursue a girl who isn't interested in you. You're only friendzoned if you keep trying/wanting to date her so yes you're doing it to yourself.

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  • Both. I've been friendzoned when I was younger because I didn't make a move on a girl. Happens to more rookie guys--they believe the nonsense about "just be friends first."

    But, girls do it too. I went on a date, made out with a girl, and she friendzoned me.

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