Disappearing Act and Weird Online Activity?

Hey everyone. Sorry this is a bit long.

I've been seeing this guy for about a month. We've been in touch every day. Suddenly he was traveling to Detroit and when he got back he was sick with strep throat. He disappeared over a weekend and when I told him I was a bit hurt he disappeared he ensured me that he was still interested and that it was a bad time "in terms of this week, not multiple weeks."

Anyway, he started being in touch often again and texting quite a bit. Taking initiative. Giving me detailed accounts of his busy/sick life. Then on Thanksgiving we shared some texts and I haven't heard from him since. It's been four days since he's been in touch and I'm beginning to lose hope. The weird thing is the day after Thanksgiving, he deleted all the information on his facebook wall, friendships, status updates, links I had sent him, links other people had sent him, from the past month. Literally to the day we met. However he didn't delete me as a friend. He did, however, delete a few female friends I know he was close with...Additionally, he also stopped logging into the dating site we met on even though he frequently visited it in the past month since we met. He's also seemed to bar me from his Gchat and AIM accounts. He's always online and I haven't seen him on in days.

It seems clear that he's doing the disappearing act, but I wonder why a man would go through so much trouble to reassure you that he's interested and that "you make me laugh and smile more than anyone else."

Should I give up hope? I feel like I've done a lot of work already and I don't feel I should give in and text/email him. However, after a month I think I deserve to know what's going on. Did I put to much pressure on him when he wasn't able to hang out?

He just came online for like 2 hours and didn't say anything to me. Why wouldn't he just block himself? UGH!


Most Helpful Guy

  • You have given yourself the answer. Listen, there are reasons to justify or explain his behavior:

    Due to family problems, ex girlfriend make up, ANY personnal problem he is not ABLE to talk to you anymore. Who knows? maybe he loves you way more then you love him, because after all he did not dump you on your face. Just give it a time. I think he is dealing with a personnal issue in the family he doesn't want you to know about. Or maybe he has issues with his parents. Ask some mutual friends.

    Wait for him, but not desperately. Think of his as if he has really left you for good. You don't love him, I hope you know that. It could at max be a craze or temporary crush. It will go away. I would have added that he probably doesn't want you, but I assure you people don't delete facebook info just to get away from someone.

    What does your heart say?
    I suggest you go on with your life and TRY to stop thinking about him.
    People come in our lives, and they go. It is something we need to live with. But we have to hold on and continue our lives, You are lucky he wasn't a fulltime boyfriend, because THAT hurts. I ASSURE you, you will find someone else.

    Hope this is the answer you were looking for, Good luck!

    • Thanks! I guess it's silly to really even over-analyze and try to get "an answer." In the end, only he knows. I'm afraid because I casually asked a couple times if he was stringing me along (it just seemed like one thing after another was "coming up") that maybe he got the idea that I was pushing things towards commitment too fast. Though I kinda was just like "I just want to have some face time."

      Do guys really get super freaked out when a girl asks things like that?

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Something doesn't sound right here. He may be trying to put you on the back burner while he experiments with someone else. Hard to say really. I'd suggest you call him out on his weird behavior.

    • That's what I thought too. There are just so many things "coming up." However, I know he has a kid and is starting a business and stuff. It seems unfair to "call him out," because then if this stuff really *is* going on, I'm going to sound like a psycho. As I said, I think I've put too much work in to have to "say my part" and I kind of want him to come to me. That will answer my question of whether or not he's into me.

      Sheesh, just saw him log into gchat and it's SO HARD to not message him.

    • Show All
    • Oh I have. It stings really bad, and I really want to tell him. But is it worth it? I dunno.

    • Usually it's not. We build it up in our minds as something that will help, but I find it just keeps the bad feelings around longer.

What Girls Said 1

  • hmm, something sounds really weird about this. I don't know, if you've only been dating this guy for a month you might want to consider ditching the mess. Who wants to play private investagator? Not I, and I'm sure you don't either? I don't think its even worth to wait around or even try to justify it.

    • Strange right? I mean, why go through the effort of continually telling me he's interested? Why delete all his facebook info but not delete me? It's just so strange. I just miss talking to him :( we make each other laugh a whole lot.