Why would a guy want to take things slow?

We’ve been talking for almost a year and we’re long distance. I told him to tell me when to visit him and he said eventually. When I called him out on not wanting to hangout with me, he said that we don’t have to rush. But he tells me to say ily and jokes about having babies with me and always talks about how pretty I am and tells me to move closer. Like we’ve never had sex, not even kissed! And he seems to be fine with it and just wants to take it slow! Why would a guy do this?
Updates:
He’s not asexual or has a problem having sex. He’s had one night stands. And had sex with girls literally 3 hours within meeting them!
He’s not a catfish. We FaceTime and both of us know what the other looks like

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Well, there could be many reasons, most probabpy he is afraid of telling you something, and by the looks of it its something huge since its been one year. Could be small penis (if you ask directly if he has a micro penis it could help). Just beeing honest, best of luck

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    • Lolololol I asked! He said that we could meet up but that we should take it slow because he considered me a respectable woman. Thankyou though!! That made me laugh. Trust me I thought about that lol

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    • Then just hang on and wait 3 more years

    • You want answers go and get them, you want to be cool just wait, maybe its a test to see if you dont deviate

  • I have done this. I was having a long distance relationship with a girl, never went out in person, never kissed, heck I still never had a first date, or kiss in general, and I am still a virgin.

    But I loved telling her how much she meant to me, and I would flirt with her all the time over the phone, and tell her how important she is, and how much I like her, and how beautiful she is. But when she wanted to visit me, I got cold feet and chickend out. I don't know why, maybe the thought of everything becoming official. Everything being real, no longer just over the phone. It was to much. I was younger, immature, and I wasn't at the point in my life where I would have been a good boyfriend to any girl. Call me old fashioned but I believe a man should provide. And I wasn't ready, mentally or financially to be a good boyfriend, a boyfriend she deserved so I kept her at arms length and put a gap between us, because I wanted to be with her, but I would rather she move on and find someone else, than waste her time with me. I still believe that.

    She didn't want to be "just friends" and left. I still miss our friendship. I have made many mistakes in my life, especially when it comes to distancing myself from friendships, feelings, and such with female friends.

    But I still stand by my choices because I know that they are all doing better without me. As I would have held them back. I am still trying to better myself and I am currently talking to a new girl I met on a dating site very recently, after I figured I would give it a try, and things are going well. I don't know if I will finally have my first ever date, and it be with her, or if God has other plans, and it's still not my time...

    But I do know one thing, and that is it will all eventually work itself out. I have faith in God and I trust he will bring the right girl into my life at the right time, and it will all work out.

    And the same can be said for you

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    • I forgot to add, before the girl I did this to left, I told her we should just take things slow. As I liked her so much I could wait to be with for as long as it takes. So I was in no rush, no hurry. And I figured maybe I could have my life sorted out by the time we finally decide to meet someday, and I would be good enough for her. I said we can still be friends until I worthy for her, and then she said she didn't want to be just friends she wanted to be more. And then she left. It broke my heart, but I guess it's fair considering I probably broke hers :(

Most Helpful Girls

  • He is trying to make the scene more romantic and pleasurable.

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    • I think that’s what it is. Because he’s in the army and he lives in the barracks so it’s kind of like.. a buzz kill. But before when he wasn’t in the army he had told me to come out in February, and to plan to come and now he says eventually that we should take it slow.

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    • Thanks for your opinion!

    • Yes, your patience can bring you success. Your guy seems to be fit for you, and you too for him.

  • It usually means they got someone else in their area already and are just passing time talking to you because maybe he is married and just bored with his relationship. You really want someone who bangs a girl within 3 hrs of meeting her? Sounds like a player to me. I'm sure you could do better. This is the problem with LDR's, you never know what the hell is going on at the other end. They may be interested at first, but if they find someone in their own stomping grounds, who do you think they will pick? And he may have found that "closer" person and is now just seeing how it works out while still keeping you hooked on the line.

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    • A player would jump on the opportunity to get free sex for like two weeks and not have to see the girl again for let’s say two months or whatever. Essentially, he’s not a player. I don’t see anything bad with him sleeping with a girl within 3 hours. That’s on him and the girl he did that with. I personally would not do that but who am I to judge. Just because people have casual sex doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of relationships. I feel like a player are those that groom a girl for weeks only to get what they want and then disappear as if they didn’t make the girl get emotionally invested in them... that’s my opinion. But what you said makes sense, I just don’t think he has a girlfriend because of the type of openness and limitless situation we've got.

    • Well, guess you can lead a horse to water but can't make her drink. Frankly I would not want anything to do with a guy who bangs every girl he meets. Because sex is all he cares about. If this person lived in your town instead of far away he would have already done you. If you see nothing wrong in that I don't know what to tell you. These type of guys can't be tied down because they think variety is the spice of life. One day you'll wake up.

    • Just because he would’ve done me doesn’t mean I would’ve done him. We would’ve ended up in the same place we’re at right now because nothing would’ve changed other than actually being more accesible and not much distance or just not talking because I wouldn’t have put out. And just because he did that with one girl doesn’t mean his entire sexual history has that tendency, you’re just assuming. We have different views on people having sex, no problem.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 29

  • Some males are shy like this and can think of everything that they may do before they do it, it usually comes up with lots of negatives that could happen and can sometimes be too hooked on the negatives that they'd rather not risk it, they do eventually make moves but it can take some time. Be patient, he'll get there eventually

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  • Well what's wrong with taking it slow? What's the hurry? I would take things slow so she doesn't get tired of me and leave, so she's always interested in what's next. If you do everything at once then you're finished before you know it and now you want more. So if you want a stronger relationship then it's a good idea to take it slow. I applaud the man for doing so. Its apparent that he wants something deeper with you, that he wants a relationship. You're more than just a one night stand

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  • Different guys have different reasons. For me personally, I believe in taking relationship slow. This is because in a relationship I date for marriage, and so I look for long term. And long term means compatibility and shared values in life. Taking things slow will allow both parties to get to know each other very very well, or at least have a higher chance to be real and genuine with each other, and see how compatible.

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  • Keeping it as positive as I can, he sounds a little insecure. Maybe hiding something, good or bad I won't guess at it. Have you talked on the phone, video chatted him? If you haven't video chatted him yet I would do that. If he refuses then I would stop talking to him.

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  • Maybe he likes having you as a friend and doesn’t want to go too fast and ruin the thing yous have. Not sure why he doesn’t want you to come visit. Unless he think that if you do come visit that things will go to fast physically in person?

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  • Well I usually like to take it slow online because usually when I first started off talking to a woman they start off very nice but after a while they start getting meaner... it's happened so many times that it kinda made me paranoid... I just don't wanna rush into someone who's gonna end up treating me like shit

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  • I prefer taking things slow personally because it gives me time to see where this relationship is actually going because things get too hot and heavy and I fall for her. Just makes it easier when you're still falling for her to end it than when you're already in love.

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  • Maybe he is not interested in you or he want a serious relationship with you & you both are far away from each other, so lack of belief is a common thing.
    One more thing that he wants to be well settled to marry you. That's why he wants some time.

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  • It's a dick problem or a mental problem or a religious problem or it's a "he has a girlfriend/wife" problem. Whatever it is, it's a problem.

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    • How do you know he bangs out girls three hours after he meets them? He tells you? Sounds like bs if he's taking it slow with you.

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    • Thank you! I very much appreciate your positivity and wish you positive vibes as well!

  • I don't know. Could really be any explanation for why he said that you and I doubt you'll ever fully know the reason anyway.

    My guess is that he could be hiding something from you, or maybe he's scared of things progressing, which sounds fucked up but he might think that he actually doesn't want to be tied in with someone.

    I don't think it's because he's anxious to meet you, since he's met girls before and seems fine with that.

    All of this is just an assumption, so I could be completely wrong but just be very perceptive from now on and look for any potential red flags.

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  • Normally, I would say because he's a good guy/religious reasons. But when he doesn't want you to visit him.
    Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want you around?

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  • He might be on the asexual spectrum and embarrassed about it. I'm demisexual and so I only have sexual attraction when I have deep romantic feelings for someone, it can take a while for me to want something like that, but definitely not a year. Not sure, there could be a few other reasons, but it's hard to say. Maybe he's embarrassed about something? He seems like he wants to take it slow, but like he wants a future for it. He seems insecure to me, and in that case I suggest you be careful. Insecure isn't always bad but with how he talks, he might just be dating you out of a fear of being alone or something. He seems to have feelings for you and plans for the future, but either a fear of being hurt or something similar that's holding him back.

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    • Maybe it's a fear then, I just introduced it asexuality as a possibility.

  • Maybe you're different. Maybe he's investing into you more than most. Like.. How some foods are better when they simmer or slow cook, you know?

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  • Maybe he thinks you want things slow, and is trying to be a gentleman...

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  • It sounds like he is not ready yet, or he is afraid of disappointment or judgement. I mean who knows he might have a 2" penis

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  • he's just not into you he thinks maybe you will be an anchor and having you around he won't be able to sleep with other girls

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  • So you've never met in person?

    If that's the case, maybe he is nervous to do so?

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  • Fear of placing his hopes on you and being let down if things don't work out.

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  • But if he's acting like that is going to keep stringing you along for a while he may be a catfish

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  • Maybe he is just tired of premarital sex and associates it with empty relationships.

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What Girls Said 9

  • I’m kind of in the same situation with the guy I like. We are not in any long distance relationship but everything else is similar except our mutual friends tell me how attracted he is to me. So I think your guy maybe a little scared to make things official or he’s not ready for it.

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  • He might want to settle down and trying to be looking for someone who’s worth spending the rest of his life with.

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  • I think he likes the attention, but doesn't want anything serious. If he ever does become serious, he will call you and get the relationship moving.

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  • He might be in some complicated relationship in his own town that he can't explain to you. I would be under suspicion myself.

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  • Maby he is scard for messing up and ruaning every thing with youbut I am yonger than you so...

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  • Have you met this guy before? Maybe he is a catfish...

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  • Have you ever met him in real life?

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  • Maybe he's a catfish

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  • Either he really cares about you, and time doesn't matter. Or, he's a catfish.

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    • No we FaceTime and everything so he’s not a catfish lol

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    • @ZezoAdel about?

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