I think my boyfriend is on a dating site, what should I do?

Why after two years would he do this?
I think my boyfriend is on a dating site, what should I do?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Honestly, ask him. If he tells you yes, ask why, tell him how u feel and move forward. If he says no, and you are 100% sure he's lying then tell him how you feel, work through it, or go your separate ways. Give him a chance to explain. Try to process his feelings and yours. And then move forward. I personally do not feel it is right to be on a dating site if you are in a truly committed and serious relationship. Whatever you do, dont accuse him, or approach him in anger. Sit down alone and actually talk about it and be 100% honest. I know its hard hunny but if you can't live with his decisions or cannot trust him, or (not saying either of u is right/wrong) move on.

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  • You think or you know? If he is on one then he’s obviously trying to cheat on you. My ex kept making profiles and I dumped him because he wouldn’t stop.

    If he has one, leave him.

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    • Unless (related to another post recently regarding "mindgames") you've been toying with him, and he just joined one to mess w/ you back; it kinda depends on the nature of your relationship, really. He might just be trying to find a way of saying he's lonely (kinda like how some women feign interest in other men to guage how focused a guy is on them).

      It really does depend on the depth of your emotional interactions with them. You have to ask yourself, "have I been toying w/ this guy's emotions like a kitten attacks a ball of string?" Because if you have, he might just be trying to figure out how to "speak your unique language".

    • Wait a second is this the girl with the "I don't really love my boyfriend" post? True question. And if it is, well he might have figure it out because the love and attention should not be true, if this is the case

Most Helpful Guys

  • He must be unhappy. I would confront him and just talk to him. If you know for sure he is and he lies about it than that is when you move on.

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    • If he doesn't tell the truth. Do the same thing. And, he gets mad at you. Why I couldn't do? Then, tell him, " Why you do it? Are you happy with me?

    • she fucked up that simple

    • talk to him if he loves you then he"ll talk to you

  • What has happened that makes you think he is using a dating site?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • #1 Get on a dating site as well. Mirroring someone's behavior is extremely effective in either seducing them or teaching them a lesson in terms of things they are doing that piss you off, but that you can't complain to them about (because people - especially guys - hate nagging girls). BUT DON'T TELL HIM YOU JOINED A SITE. He'll never find out anyways, unless he is on the site.

    #2 If you have concrete proof he's on a site, document it (screenshot date, time, location, pictures), and bring it up very calmly when he's least expecting it. "Hey babe... want to go to a movie tonight? Ok cool, but first, why are you on Tinder?"

    #3 If you in fact KNOW (with the concrete proof) that he's on a dating site/ app, CALMLY listen to his reaction and response to finding out that you caught him.

    #4 Do NOT believe his BS excuses if you have concrete proof that he has been on a site, and DON'T tell him that you have joined a dating site since discovering he got on one.

    #5 Confidently dump him.

    #6 Move onto the fun and sexy connections that you have gotten since you created/ re-started your own profile on your dating app after finding out that your boyfriend is a cheater. Or just focus on yourself/ your happiness

    **If you DON'T have concrete proof that he is on a site, ask yourself objectively WHY you think that he might be. DON'T snoop through his phone (that will make you look like an insecure psycho, even if he is cheating).

    In this case (not knowing for a FACT that he's on a dating website), your best bet is to emotionally be strong, slightly pull away from him, and objectively - yet in a funny way - ask him what's going on. "What are you doing on Tinder this late lol?" Depending on how good of a liar he is, you'll probably get the truth. If he gets REALLY defensive, he's lying.

    Another strategy is to contact one of your friends (who isn't his friend), and get her to back up the "fact" that she saw him on a dating website. It's like when police do the good cop - bad cop routine, and lie about "there was a witness to your crime." And then 9 times out of 10 the suspect spills the beans without a lawyer present

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  • First. Is he really on it, or is his profile still just active? 'Cause my girlfriend saw I had a notification from a dating site almost a year after we were dating and went at me for it before I told her how fucking surprised I was it was even up. And I really was, I had completely fucking forgot about it since I met her I just never remembered to delete it, always forgot to get rid of it I guess.
    Second. If he really is on a dating site and actively using/looking on it. That is a problem, one that will leave you with two options: 1, you confront him on it and question him. Or 2, you ease into it and get him to admit to it himself. Either way, the next step after that should be asking him to delete it and if he refuses, well then that's a relationship over, that's pretty simple.
    Being a dating site while having a girlfriend is a pretty clear sign of lack of interest in my mind and the desire to explore and if you want to explore you might as well not even be in a relationship to begin with.

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  • I've done it. It could be that your relationship is on the rocks and he is afraid you will dump him. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or doesn't want it to work out. It means he can't handle the pain of losing you so he sets up a fallback option. I dont think that is evil. I think its human. The solution is reassurance that you love him, that you want things to work, and you would be hurt if he was on a dating site. Confront it directly. That was my situation. I was scared to confront the insecurity of loss. I needed a leverage for the pain of losing love. Reassurance would have changed everything and I would've stopped.

    A second possibility is narcissism. It may not be that he plans to cheat or wants to. It just means that he has low self esteem and feeds off of the idea of being desired sexually. The idea of being inside someone knew is just as enticing as porn. You have the thrill that someone desires and lusts for your penis/pussy. The solution here is to tell him this is wrong and to talk about spicing up your sex life.

    Lastly, it could be he is cheating or plans to. I think it is the first option if you're fighting a lot. I doubt its the last option though

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  • 2 years? I think your relationship is doomed to fail for sure if it goes like this.

    Probability 1
    there is something which is bothering him but not comfortable talking to you but that doesn't mean you are lacking something. I believe it happens because two of you focused on keep each a bit too happy and forgot sometimes you just have to be blunt and realistic and obvious reason is you both dont understand what a relationship is and i also suspect both have a lied about petty stuff in the beginning which in turn lead to lying more to hide more lies so 0 communication and most important thing being real to yourself.

    Probability 2
    He might have realized this relationship is leading to a toxic ones but him bailing out makes him an asshole and lack of empathy.

    Probability 3
    He was just using you to meet his needs that could include financial, emotional and physical needs so there was no relationship at the first place and he knows it's time to find a different prey and move on.

    Most of my friends are psychiatrist so sorry coming off a bit too strong here but you haven't provided any details about your relationship to even asses what really is happening.

    But whatever the case you both don't have a clue what it means to be in a relationship and I suspect for both of you is too each others needs? Wrong! Relationship are a foundation which requires acceptance of weakness and strength and teamwork from both sides or its doomed to fail. This are basic things required for any relationship or marriage to work.

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  • Might be an old account. I have been on pof since I was 18. Here I am at 30 having had many lovers since then and still got my pof account. Don't really use it. So its probably that or he's window shopping. Only way to know is to talk to him about it.

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  • Welcome to Gag Town and Best of Luck.
    make sure the Proof is in the Pudding Here, dear, Before you Fear. But if it is True, He could Possibly be in this Relationship Rut with you, Where Now Somehow, he is Scouting for others who are New.
    Sit him Down, No Frown and Talk Turkey to your Tom. xx

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  • Put your profile up on the same site. When he see's your playing the field as he is I'm quit sure he will reconsider his actions. If not who knows show you might meet.

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  • Do nothing at this time just say to him that you going to take taekwondo classes and really do it so after 6 months if you find out that he was actually planning to cheat on you or leave you make sure to kick his ass so hard that he will remember it for the rest of his life.

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    • But watch out that you dont fall in love with taekwondo coach, you dig it? ;-)

  • Well after one year of a beautiful relationship my boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue... He never talked about how he feels, til today i don't completely know his reasons... Just ask him, and ask if its anything you can do... If not... Move on

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  • I’d find out for sure if he is and if he is on a dating site you should confront him. You deserve respect no on should have to put up with not knowing their partner is looking else where.

    Again if he is on a dating website, I would end it before he ends it with you. Have the higher ground

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  • You only think that or you're sure?
    Because if you only think so that's not good for You, being suspicious is a bad sign for the whole relationship.
    But if he really is on one welll.. guess it's time to leave before your head gets filled with his excuses

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  • Just tell him you found out, and want to talk about it. Realize that if you get aggressive or judgmental in that conversation, he won't give you the real answer. He's doing it because for whatever reason there wasn't space in the relationship for him to bring something up, if you eliminate it now, it will not help

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  • My ex always ALWAYS went on dating sites. He was practically addicted to dating sites and apps the entire time we were together (obviously those times we weren't together, too) like honestly? So many of those girls on there weren't even real (a sign is when "thotbots" or fake profiles from porn and/or camming sites post on your he's social media. It was always a problem from the beginning to the end of our relationship. And he was doing it alllllll the time behind my back before I ever became suspicious. THEN once I knew better than to believe him or trust him he'd try to flip it on me saying how I don't trust him and I'm perpetuating the actions HE was taking. Even times where I felt secure in the relationship, my instincts told me to look and see if there was anything. Sometimes it would appear that there wasn't until I would figure out how to open his social media profiles and just see for myself. Besides. Apps can be deleted. He even went as far as making fake catfish profiles on social media and different dating apps just so he could feel the same effect of being on there talking to chicks. He would try to justify it by saying pretty much him doing that (pretty much just another version of cheating and disloyalty) was "like porn" to him. Which is obvious bullshit because later I found out how to open his Snapchat and see he was talking to a bunch of other girls by as himself. Fucker. Anyway. You don't deserve that. Pretty soon your time will end up consumed looking for a lie or wondering if he's lying! Trust me, a guy like that no matter what will try it again.

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  • Wait til you have actual proof. But, you could always just ask him and if he says yes ask him why and see what he says. The worse case is he is looking for a better offer and if he finds it he will dump you.

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  • Ask him. Maybe it was there all along and you didn't know (never deleted it), and maybe he never thought to? I see lots of profiles of people that haven't be online in years, but the profile is still there lol. They just haven't bothered to remove it. Either don't think of it, don't know how, whatever. It could just be as simple as that. Don't jump to conclusions, just confront him about it (if you now for sure and have proof).

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  • It could be any factor why, but it's better to ask him since you've been together for a long time, it's okay to ask than to assume, dnt be afraid to find out what you need to know.

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  • If it was me... I would create a fake account and try a talk to him just so I know it's not an old account and if he really uses it. Then I'll ask him about it and show him the fake profile if he denies it.
    Chances are that if he is active on the dating app, you are not the only girl in his life. I seriously hope it's just an old account he forgot to delete or something cause that's just wrong 😔

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  • Get on the site and find him or her on there and like all of his/her photos. Comment on them positively. Or you can be an ass about it. But make visible friends to show that you can out do your partner. Its also a sign that your partner has a problem, or you do, or your relationship does.

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  • Just tell him you think he went on a dating site and that its cool just don't touch. If he meets up with a girl from the dating site its cool JUST DON'T TOUCH look and talk all you want just DON'T Touch.

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  • I think u should definitely talk ti hin because it is very important to clear these kinda things when u r really serious about someone... it happened with me and i ignored it and it was a mistake if he is on dating site then there might be few reasons he is feeling he needs some more people in his life or maybe he is not satisfied in anyway... Talking about it will help u figure out what to do

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  • Well first absolutely confirm if he is doing this or not then. ask him about where he stands in your relationship. I say confirm it first because if he isn't then you are accusing him of something that he simply did not do nd that is actually very hurtful and unnecessary. If he is and you didn't confirm it then you are just going to make him better at hiding it. If he is I would say to move on because he is probably already cheating or he is looking for something better.

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  • I suggest you take necessary steps and actions to get to find out the truth before it gets too late. I experienced a similar case with my ex-partner when i got suspicious about him, most of the time busy texting on his mobile, not something he was used to doing before; then i had a strange feeling and wanted to know what he had been up to. I was lucky enough to get the much needed help i was looking for through a blog site where i was recommended to get the help and services of a P. I and spy expert who did really come true and did a good job for me with evidence to prove such that he helped spy and track on partners mobile and i was granted unrestricted access to all hidden texts and deleted messages, was able to see all call logs remotely through my mobile without him getting to find out, also got to track and monitor GPS location at each point in time which was helpful for me. I was shocked with all i got to find out and discover, he had been cheating on for quite some while but i was glad i got to know the truth before it got so late. I confronted him with all the evidence i had and he was shocked how i got to find out, he pleaded for a second chance but i called it off. If you ever need to catch and find out about a cheating partner or spouse just as i got to find out about mine, i totally recommend you Find: ego. sum. solution (at) gmail (dot) com for help as he did a really good job for me. They offer the best service and solution to all spy needs. So reliable and ethical.

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  • Just casually mention that you saw him on a dating site, and say 'Were you bored of scrolling through your Facebook, that you installed Tinder'
    And most likely if it's not some adultery, he would tell you the ACTUAL REASON.
    'Yeah, I was just seeing what kind of guys are these girls looking into'.
    If he baffles and tries to make excuses - red signals. Investigate more.
    But do give him a benefit of doubt whenever possible :)

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  • Sometimes our partner went on dating site not to date nut just to pass some times... like me i have dating site and i sometimes check out whats happening not because i dont love my boyfriend but because im bored and just checking here and there won't do any harm... plus me and him already dated for more than 3 years

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  • You need to talk to him. Not in a confrontational way but rather a concerned and caring way. Me personally, I’d tell him if he needs to be on those sites then I need to remove myself from the relationship. its quite disrespectful.

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  • Tell me how do you know this, honey?
    After reading this question over and over again, girl I realize... You have evidence of what you say. The shock is all over the 2nd question of why.
    Well, don't stay to figure out why. It's going to hurt more if you do. Instead, talk try and get some feedback but... he may never tell the truth so start your closer now so you can bounce back with a better selection without being his option.

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  • Don't come to conclusions just yet, for all we know you have some enemy that doesn't like your relationship. I've heard about these types of people that would steal pictures from people in order to cause a break up. (if he doesn't have social media then i'm sorry you're going through this)

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  • Saying that you think compared to knowing are two completely different things.
    What's making you think that he has an account on a dating site?
    Please find out for sure and have a conversation with your boyfriend.
    If he does have one it could be an old account, you can actually see when they were last active on the site.

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  • There is an old adage that " a man is as faithful as his options". Tell him one of your GFs came across his profile and recognized his picture.. See what he says

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  • I would allow him to date other women and just be there for him to fuck. Become a slave to the new girlfriend aswell. Its the only way it will work out. Tell him that you will do anything to please him. And don't say no to him ever again.

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  • Well make sure he is on the dating site first then speak to him about it. He probably want to break up with you or he planning on keeping you and just have someone on the side either way you deserve better. No guy would be on a dating site if he really loves and care for her.

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  • I'd ask him about it. And ask to see if you can check his phone apps just to get rid of your suspicions. He will probably get mad if you put the blame of your suspicion on him, so make it clear that it is your fault that you feel this way and ask if he can help you feel better by showing you his phone. If you do it ri6he will show it to you if he isn't hiding anything.

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  • 1. Confront him
    As him the reason, and do that without aggression, be sceptical of the reasons.
    If you find it logical, ask a close friend who always tells you the cold truth.
    2. Be ready to get rid of him

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  • If he is using a dating site, that means you failed as a girlfriend to satisfy his needs. You want to him stop using that dating site, go towards him while wearing some lingerie or something. you got give him a reason stop using the dating site and focus on you.

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  • don't assume anything he may not be on any dating site If you only suspect he's on a dating site you will simply have to ask him if he is and then figure out what you want to do afterwards if he is...
    But Basically he's seeking variety (is there something he asked that he wanted to try sexually that you put on the breaks on maybe you should reconsider his request if you want to stay together) if he is on a dating site

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  • If he is indeed active on the site I'd say confront him, dont be angry, just direct and honest and take things from there, if he denys it or tries to lie his way out I'd say break it off, sorry to hear you are having to deal with this lass

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  • TALK TO HIM!!! If it makes you uncomfortable then talk to him about. Just ask him about it. Ask why he has it and be honest about your feelings and go from there.

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  • So many opinions holy crap. In my opinion just break it off with him simple as that. As to why there could be a thousand reasons he is a POS, he got tired of the relationship and is a POS, or maybe he is as never loyal and you just now saw it.

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  • It doesn't seem like he's interested in the relationship anymore, if so. But he should tell you instead of perusing dating sites.

    How do you know he's doing this?

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  • Well I would say he got bored. There is no excitement in the relationship ( no spontaneous activities) and sex has become what's the word other then boring, as to say always the same, there is no change in your sexual behaviours together. It take constant work and planing to keep things interesting... It's sad to say but people always seem to wanna know if there is something better. Even if things are going well

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  • Honestly I hunk he wants something different or getting bored of the relationship. I would make a fake profile and see the real reason why he is in a dating site. Get one of your friends to help out and see what was his motive

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  • How often do you take care of him in bed and how often do you mix it up. Guys like variety and that could be what he’s looking for. Unfortunately that’s the situation you’re in. You have to compete with the outside world or perhaps cut your losses if you don’t think you can win. But the idea is that he’s looking for something. Find out what it is and cater to it.

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  • Are there issues you aren't facing as a couple. Sometimes it's hard for people to see what kind of situation they're in when they're in the midst of it... If you can't see a problem; it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

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  • 1. You can try snooping around in his phone when he's not using it.
    2. You can be direct and ask him if he's on a dating site.
    3. If it's a long distance relationship and you know where he is, you can change your location with VPN and use tinder or other dating sites to find out if he's actually on it

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  • I had a ex husband, who ended up cheating on me with my neighbor... and after we split I found out that for most of our relationship he was on a dating app..
    He claims, it was just for the attention and thrill of it... but i suggest running for the hills

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  • What makes you think so? Also don’t confront him unless you know for a fact and have actually evidence or have witnessed something. Don’t ruin a two year relationship based on an assumption.
    I would help more if I could but I’m not sure of the situation since you didn’t include detail.

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  • Well, you said you think. Emphasis on think. If you don't have evidence and aren't sure if he is on a site, you should try to really find out more if he is on one or not in order to not make assumptions

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  • If you're sure he is, call him out on it. Ask him why he's on a dating site, and let him know your thoughts about it. If you're no ok with it, tell him the lengths you're willing to go if he doesn't stop. Don't threaten him intentionally or anything, but make sure he understands what he's up against.

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  • I did the same with my ex. This happens because or either there's no sex in the relationship or because he doesn't know how to split with because he doesn't love you anymore. Happened to me, I had no balls to tell I wanted to split so then it got worse because I really didn't need to know she was seeing someone else.

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  • You say you think, that means you have a doubt, doubt brings possibility of the thing you doubt about. I think you should first be sure if he's really on a dating site or you're misunderstood. I look forward to get your response.

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