Why he would have such a sudden change of mind?


Just need some quick advice from you blokes. I have been seeing a man for the last two months who I met on an online dating site. It has been going really well, been on lots of dates, were into similar things, he says all the right things, invited me to meet his friends & told his Mum & sister about me, just seemed to be a genuinely nice guy & we were becoming very close, he hadn't done anything in the two months to make me feel like he was messing me around. I really felt that I could be myself around him and kinda thought he was someone who was going to stick around for a while. Nothing physical had happened between us, but we were getting there, kissing and other things had happened, so I know he wasn't sticking around just for that. He even went away for a boys weekend and was texting me all weekend when I wasn't expecting him to.

Now I have not had a single text from him in the last 6 days, which is unusual as it was him that has text or called me first & nearly everyday for the last 2 months. In the 6 days I have text twice and called & left a voice mail asking him to let me know what's going on, he hasn't responded at all.

I am really struggling to see why he would have such a sudden change of mind, we only spoke on the phone on Tuesday and everything seemed okay. We hadn't seen each other since he came back from his boys weekend because of the bad snow where we live, so do you think that its possible because we hadn't seen each other for a while (only a week and a half) he was getting bored, or he was getting bored because we hadn't slept together yet. What I don't understand is why a guy would stick around for so long if he wasn't getting any and not interested, surely that's a waste of his time? Or do you think he got fed up chasing as it was him making all the contact first?

Do you think that I should try to contact him again to see what's going on or just leave it? Do you think that he has just decided he isn't interested in me anymore, but hasn't actually bothered to tell me, although we weren't 'official' a reason would be nice.

Sorry I know a lot of questions but really don't see what's happened.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Um this might seem weird to ask but are you sure he's okay? Seems very strange that he abruptly stopped talking to you and you didn't hear anything for days. Maybe his phone is broken or something. The texting during a guy's weekend is a tell-tale sign that he was thinking about you and likes you, which is a stark contrast between him just not responding at all.

    The only other semi-reasonable (using that loosely) explanation is that he met another girl while on his trip and just doesn't have the balls to tell you. He's figuring that ignoring the problem was better than any other option. If this is the case, you're probably better off. A decent human being would have texted and at least said that he didn't thinks were working out, a text is the least personal form of talking and he wouldn't have to deal with anything after that. I'd say try again in a day or two and just say that if he doesn't respond you'll just going to move on but you'd like to know if has done the same - no hard feelings.

    As far as I can see, nothing happened. He's just a flake haha. Are you friends on Facebook or anything where you can see if he's alive and been posting stuff? Weird, but could give you some insight into what's going on.

    • Thank you for replying,

      He was sick with flu, but he went out on Friday, so I guess he OK now. We are friends on Facebook & he has been posting status updates, so I know he not lost the use of his fingers!

      He doesn't seem like the type of guy to meet another girl but I suppose it is always possible, but then why would he have been texting on his boys weekend & called me the day he got back to arrange meeting up, unfortunately we didn't get meet because of the snow, but he was in touch up to Tues

    • Sounds like you should be in pretty good shape then, being sick takes a lot out of you and probably made him just want to sleep and not deal with talking to anyone. That's how I tend to get sometimes. You know him better than me, so I'm probably wrong about him meeting up with someone else. Especially since he texted you, makes less sense now that you pointed that out haha. Since it's been pretty casual up to know, he probably thought you wouldn't miss not talking for a bit if he were sick.

What Girls Said 1

  • Hmm, something's come up and he's not telling you what it is. Maybe it's something he doesn't want to have to tell you about...he lost his job, he got a job offer to move to Bora Bora, his ex came back in town, etc. But yes, I'd say to take his sudden silence as a sign of something.

    Send him a text that says something like "I don't know what's happened, but you know where to find me when you decide to talk." And leave it at that until (if) he calls you.

    • Thank you for replying

      Something is defo not quite right, very odd from how he has been behaving. I will leave it a few more days and take your suggestion to text or thought of an e-mail to say no hard feeling & to get in touch if he wanted.

    • Hang in there. My boyfriend disappeared on me for about a week, when we'd been dating for maybe 2 months. Turns out he was fighting the ex over some legal issues and also was scrambling to get a replacement job because things at work were going downhill, and he really didn't feel that he could talk to me honestly about his crisis. He called and apologized for being missing (without explanation), and only about a week later told me what was happening. I bet it's something like this for you too.

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